By omfgnooo - 09/09/2011 23:22 - United States

Spicy
Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML
I agree, your life sucks 17 812
You deserved it 54 708

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clearly we know deep throat isn't a talent of yours.

And here i thought that WALKING and chewing gum was tough :P

Comments

wow you were that desperate to finish your mom had to help you?

Asphyxiation can be sexy...

Things you should't do while chewing gum: fap, exercise, sleep, have the sex.

Some people enjoy being choked while attempting to reach climax. My favorite kind of story on the news: Man dies of self inflicted Auto-erotic Asphyxiation. No, but really...

Gotta get them juices flowing.

That's a sign that you should stop jerkin the gherkin

Chew it over with twix

I would have made sure to pull my pants up. I would have probably froze if I was ur mom and been like "I ain't going near that."

I'm down for a bit of choking ;)

I think instead of yourself, you're supposed to be choking the "chicken".

Im just trying to imagine how shitty ur life was about one full breath after the gum came out

So what you're saying is your mom had to help you while you were wanking it?

I really hope you didn't bust all over her...

Your poor, poor mother. ;|

Your alive thanks to your mom. I guess you would rather have not been caught, but died?

Did you repaint the walls?

< ROLL >

I don't see how this happened. you were jerking off, then you choked, and mommy suddenly appeared? Was she already in the room? I mean, I've choked before and you can't really make noise when you're choking other than a gagging sound. did you crawl out of you room with your pants around your ankles to find your mom? if so... your life really does suck. maybe you just weren't really choking and so could make some noise, in which case you deserve it bc you def could have had time to pull up your pants

And here i thought that WALKING and chewing gum was tough :P

Wouldn't the chewing you have to with the gum (obviously) do ruin the good thought??

eyyy wut? Is that a sentence or just a compilation of gibberish? I could be wrong, but I feel like you're speaking in tongues.

I think it's supposed to be: wouldn't chewing the gum obviously ruin the masturbation session?

Choking the chicken: You're doing it wrong...

Kinda sounds like the beta house scene, cept OP was masturbating

clearly we know deep throat isn't a talent of yours.

That's good considering OP is a guy

I'm still wondering about how his mom heard him choking. Cause when youchoke u can't make noise

you = dumb

Lol...59 wasn't being homphobic...he was just trying to hide his gaynesss like most 'macho' men do.

When someone chokes they cannot make noise because their oxygen and airway has been cut off. If you make noise it just means that you aspirated on something, meaning when you swallow it went down the air pipe instead of the esophagus. Which can lead to choking.

Its like swimming with gum. You shouldnt do it

the worst......

Note to self: never chew gum while jerkin it.

Note to lil' bro: never wank and chew gum at the same time

What's a little nudity among family?

A few years in prison ;)

Thousands of dollars in therapist bills...

Loneliness.

Mackenzie Phillips

C-c-c-c- COMBO BREAKER

could be worse.. your dad could have walked in an said " watcha doin boy? wanking it?" an leave you while choking lol....

what did you learn today?

I laughed. Hard.

He chocked. As equally hard.

*Choked. I can't even blame that on a typo *Facepalm*.

Rule one of jerking off. Nvr chew gum while having fun

Ur fiiiiiine ;D

Lol ur cute too u shuld chat me up sumtime ;)

Lol :) btw ur cute

She cleaned you when you were a baby, she can clean you now.

That's not right....

That's just disgusting.

Eww, why would you think of that?