Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
6tori6 5
yet she is the one who put her hand down your crotch...
HandaPitler 1
Women, usually assuming we want to have sex just because we have a boner. i feel your pain op. my ex was the exact same way
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (140)
Feveryoneslife13 11
First time I made out with someone and realized they had an erection I yelled too. Probably not for the same reasons
Quiet_one 22
Yeah, the first time that happened to me I got pretty freaked out too. I didn't yell- I actually tried not to draw attention to it, but he still noticed my reaction and it was super awkward. I eventually got better.
Fsvb 32
Often, on sites like 9gag, you've got these pictures with 'women logic' and other stereotypical posts about women being idiots and I hate it, because I don't know women like that and am not like that myself, so I defend against it. But then I read things like this and lose hope T_T
BeccaHornsby 5
she was on her period then!
hugozac88 22
Why would she even grab his crotch if she didn't want him to assume sex is going to happen? Not saying it is because of that but come on she grabbed his junk! It would be weird if he didn't get one.
silverstream20 20
It seems your girlfriend might be intimidated by sex. If this is the case don't take it too personally try to talk to her about it.
DarthVader77 9
Marry her. She is surely the one to make you happy for the rest of your life :)
RaulGarcia30 10
I don't think women realize we can't always control a boner, once it's coming up, it's gonna come up.
skatoolaki 24
Any woman who doesn't realize this is just naive or ignorant. It's sad for her and the poor bloke she's with.
disGRUNTled123 2
Preposterous how dare you get a boner when she's rubbing your dick! -_-
Relenaz 9
She sounds pretty naive. Guys get boners all the time. It doesn't mean they always want sex every time they have one. It just means they have healthy blood flow there *cough*. Nothing wrong with being healthy. ;)
LilLube 2
What was she expecting to find moving her hand to your CROTCH...?