Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
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Top comments
6tori6 5
yet she is the one who put her hand down your crotch...
HandaPitler 1
Women, usually assuming we want to have sex just because we have a boner. i feel your pain op. my ex was the exact same way
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Comments (140)
xcelinexamarisx 4
lol sounds like someone needs to go back to sex ed.. clearly she doesn't quite understand how it works
Lauren0911 11
Haha i feel as if im also guilty of doing this to my man :/ ooops fml xD
krissybabe88 7
At least she didn't get an erection lmao
cass1221 5
tell her to do some research. good luck buddy.
MoonChild5 11
She's an idiot.
silverstream20 20
Isn't getting a erection from ones girlfriend supposed to be a compliment?
ZombieSazza 34
Agreed! If I'm making out with my man and he gets turned on, I find that a compliment! Then we have sexy time. That girl is either a tease or an idiot who needs ditched, princesses are not fun!
skatoolaki 24
Someone needs to tell your ignorant girlfriend how a penis works. You have my sympathies.
ZombieSazza 34
Guys can find kissing a massive turn on. So she puts her hand on your crotch and gets upset that you already had a boner, then why did she put her hand there?!? Idiot. I'd just say you find kissing her very erotic and it turns you on, if she can't accept that and continues to argue I wouldn't reply.
Damitol 3
Clearly she has never had a health class....or wasn't paying attention. Either way dude, don't feel embarrassed its totally normal. She's got the issue and if she gets upset that guys get hardons when we're fondled then maybe she's stupid, a closet lesbian, or just has a few screws loose.
salsero85 3
She is an idiot... Plain simple...