Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room and thought that I was alone. I let rip two massive farts before realising there was a very short woman behind the computer screen at the desk. FML
Today, an attractive woman sat beside me at the doctor's office. Unfortunately, on my other side was my senile old uncle who can't control his bowels, and after a few uncontrollable farts, she was on the other side of the room. FML
Today, while I was sitting in a waiting room to be seen, my service dog (who was tucked under the bench I was sitting) let out the most vile, silent but deadly fart. The person near me retched and heaved, and I got death glares while someone sprayed their old lady perfume to mask the smell. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I was very tense as I sat in the chair for my gyno appointment, so the doctor repeatedly told me to relax, in order for her to do the routine exam. I then overcompensated and relaxed so much, I accidentally farted in her face. FML
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
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Top comments
kezziemonster 2
Why didn't you move?
oj101 33
Troll grandma strikes at it again.
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Comments (53)
FluffyTheFatOwl 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"Doctor ... I ... I can't stop blaming people for my farts ... It's like something's wrong with me, please help me !" -"I'm a doctor, not a therapist, take responsibility for your farts, Mary and leave those poor people alone !"
TheElBurrrito 21
...ok
rmjohnspn521 4
I would have punched her square in the throat.
ApollosMyth 22
You would have over reacted then.
BlackPhenom 9
Well that escalated quickly.
rg350dx 29
Well I mean they were at a doctors office so it would be the optimal place to get punched in the throat.
Bcfrmkc816 17
And if I'd have been there Nd seen ya so it you'd wish you never got out of bed that day
Amama_fml 30
#68- What?
lovesummers 8
Why.....? What kind of person hurts old ladies if they fart in public or not.
kimg0885 23
Whoever smelt it dealt it
rg350dx 29
Whoever said the rhyme, did the crime.
razzledazzle21 23
Whoever denied it, supplied it.
ApollosMyth 22
Whoever passed the blame, did the shame.
xcam1995 6
That's the time when u hand her ass some baby wipes and direct her to the bathroom.
bkingkingking 13
'she seemed nice until she started farting'.. everyone seems nice until they start farting. sadly there's no nice way to do it. ；＿；
FlowerMama 20
Yes, but there are nicER ways to do it... like not blaming OP. That would be a good start.
olpally 32
Who ever denied it supplied it! Call her a bitch for doing that. That's so wrong and gross.
delaneyluke 5
Fart fight ..... ??
skyeyez9 24
Should have gotten up an moved as far away as possible. That way when the sound is coming from the other end of the room, she can't blame you.
perdix 29
Aw, I'm sorry. . . I'm sorry that you know what "trucker farts" sound like. That's knowledge I'm glad I don't have. Too bad I can't say the same about the Alabama Hot Pocket.
TheDrifter 23
Now I need to go to taco bell. I'm a trucker, but I never took time to notice that my coworkers and I have our own unique audible fart signature. Five or six vegetarian burritos should be enough to identify it, with a couple extra spicy tacos to make sure I don't have a Canadian accent.
DaisyDanger 7
#44 Your comment is even funnier than the FML! I am a trucker too, albeit a lady but still. Canadian as well, well French-Canadian, trust me I had no idea we had our own type style of flatulence either... I guess it's "break wind 1-9 all the way to Omaha come on"
perdix 29
#44, to complete the experiment, I'll become a long-haul trucker and then record the sounds of my farts. I will then compare them to my extensive library of farts from my pre-trucking days. (I even have some on 8-track and cassette!)
happylawyer 16
Perdix, 8track? You must be 50 at least. I could bet not too many people here know about them. And by the way, my dad had one 8T player when I was a girl and that thing could not record. That was the amazing thing of the "cassetts".
TheDrifter 23
Now I feel old, as I know the trick to removing the write protection. Of course, it's the same as for cassettes, so it's not a big secret, just obsolete knowledge.
retyi43 14
I'm 23, and I knew about 8-tracks when I was 15.
ltaper11 20
You should have been like "It's on like donkey kong." See who is the strongest and fart back