Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend doggy-style and noticed a piece of toilet paper had been "left behind". I had such a bad internal conflict about whether to tell her or to remove it myself, I went limp. She started crying and accused me of not being attracted to her anymore. FML
Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me play porn while we were getting busy. The girl in the video said, "You don't need a condom, you can just pull out." I noticed she had a caesarean scar and burst out laughing. My girlfriend stormed out before I could explain. FML
Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML
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Top comments
LibertyLife20 20
Or tell her she has broccoli in her teeth
cutycat136 28
If you had have told her, she probably would have thought nothing of it, fixed the problem, and you could have had a real ****** instead of faking it
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Comments (84)
anonamous14 9
That was nice of you for sparing her feelings, girls get sensitive with sex
Keiraquarium 12
Would you say the same thing about women who fake orgasms to spare their partner's feelings?
PePziNL 20
What, food between her teeth? You mean ex-girlfriend right?
sstahpp 33
Dude, you're about to get hit with a shitstorm of downvotes. Not everyone on here has a sense of humour!
Badkarma4u 17
Two words, doggie style. Two more, manhood revoked.
notzax 19
What a good boyfriend. Bonus points if you finished her after as well despite your feelings about what happened.
Migole 36
You have sex with this girl and can't even tell she has something stuck between her teeth? Are you 15? Seriously, this has nothing to do with sparing someone's feelings ... if she gets mad when you tell her (respectfully ofc not like "ewww") she's a bitch. Most people would be grateful you told them.
trey600rr 22
been there my friend...
mbock 15
that's weak bro
jacob35 3
eat that shit straight outta her mouth
zarrganaut 17
How hard was it to just tell her?
worldclassrager 41
I sure hope she finds this...