Work: Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up,...

By Anonymous - 17/06/2014 02:45 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up, I noticed a little button on the side. I pressed it and the toilet flushed. I've worked there for nine months and just found out today that our toilets don't flush automatically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 800

You deserved it 47 648

Work

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

These people never learn

Emo teens

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 14:29 - United States - Worcester

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 386

You deserved it 4 204

All dressed up

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 23:00

Today, an elderly man came into my place of work wearing a nice suit. I commented, saying said he looked nice and asked what the special occasion was. He was going to a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 152

By thedudeman14 - 05/11/2014 22:21 - United States - Deer Park

Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 378

You deserved it 3 160

By RP Havens - 10/01/2013 06:25 - United States - Galloway

Today, my grandmother called me to tell me that there will be a nice, single guy for me to meet at the family reunion. She went on and on about how perfect he was for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'm a lesbian, and have been out to the rest of the family for over six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 994

You deserved it 12 204

Adapt, overcome, improvise

By Amy - 06/03/2020 07:00

Today, I was squeezed through an overly-crowded hallway down to my psychologist's. There, I sat in an overly-crowded waiting room to see him, next to an obese woman and an insane man. I finally entered the smaller-than-a-closet room. My reason for seeing a psychologist? Claustrophobia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 147

By Mel - 05/10/2015 04:21 - France - Toulouse

Today, I went to a group gym lesson. While working on our abs, the coach came through, touching our stomachs to check we were doing the exercises correctly. When he got to me, he asked, "How many kids have you got then?" I'm 22, and I've got none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 187

You deserved it 2 674

Walk the line

By Anonymous - 30/05/2021 03:31 - India - New Delhi

Today, I got dumped for not "walking the talk" by someone who'd laid a whole bunch of relationship ground rules on day one, and conveniently violated each one of them in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 196

By embarrassedhubby - 18/09/2010 03:48 - Canada

Today, when I came home from work, I saw my wife in nothing but black boots and a Santa hat. My boss and coworker were with me. I now have guys wanting to have a threesome with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 391

You deserved it 6 383

Alarmed

By Anonymous - 08/09/2019 20:01

Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 97

By JSeth - 04/07/2009 16:52 - Canada

Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in grade 10. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 593

You deserved it 10 125

Nice timing

By hot girl - 07/03/2021 08:01

Today, I found out my husband was cheating on me while I was waiting in an ICU waiting room while he was getting brain surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 80

By irresponsible - 14/08/2010 20:41 - United States

Today, I missed my shift at work. I had asked my girlfriend, who works at the same store, to text me my schedule. She sent me the wrong hours for today. I got suspended, and she broke up with me for being too irresponsible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 919

You deserved it 8 844

By Cpt_Concerned - 22/09/2009 04:37 - Canada

Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 403

You deserved it 52 505

By EMT_Koulianos - 25/05/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 045

You deserved it 4 075

By Anonymous - 07/05/2009 04:29 - Korea Republic of

Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 093

You deserved it 2 360

Golden child

By Dina - 15/07/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my mother would rather sleep than attend my soccer games, volleyball tournaments, or see me win any awards. However, she was present to see the dog get potty trained, filming the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 80

By anonymous - 15/08/2010 13:12 - Netherlands

Today, I witnessed a series of nude old people cycling in the city. I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 881

You deserved it 5 331

Broke

By hobo no-no - 10/11/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I saw my ex asking for change outside a store. I was so shocked and sad to see him in such a position, I offered to take him home with me, let him shower and cook him a good meal. He laughed in my face and said, "Nah, I just do this for some quick bucks. It’s easier than working." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 13/12/2012 12:37 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, while my mother was driving me to school, her coffee started to spill. So like a normal parent, she held it over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 499

You deserved it 2 280

Coincidence plays tricks on us!

By "Shadley Chase Teladia" - 21/11/2019 19:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I finally got to meet the parents of the girl in which I have been dating for 3 months. I discovered that a month before we started dating, I had a one-night stand with her sister. And a week before that, I had a grinding session with her mother at a bar. No one is saying anything and her father is really bulky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 763

You deserved it 1 898

By cain001 - 04/01/2011 00:56 - United States

Today, my boss and I were stacking boxes in the back room of the store. One of the boxes fell and hit me in the face, causing me to lose my glasses. My boss stepped on my glasses as she ran to check the box for broken merchandise, which I then had to pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 978

You deserved it 2 527

By BrokeInLove - 30/06/2009 19:55 - France

Today, I was shopping for rings with my fiancée. We spent over 2 hours selecting the perfect ring and diamond to match. When filling out the paperwork I discovered I left my wallet at home. She had to pay the 20% down payment for the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 186

You deserved it 51 940

By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 22:00

Today, I got into an accident and my bike broke. My insurance expired 5 days ago and the accident wasn't even my fault. The lady was on the phone and on the wrong side of the road. She's threatening to sue me even though her car is in better condition. There are no witnesses and no cameras either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 929

You deserved it 617

By anon - 27/07/2015 04:43 - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 433

You deserved it 5 881

By shawnsmuffins - 20/03/2015 02:23 - United States - Tampa

Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 067

You deserved it 5 331

By welpwelpwelp - 08/07/2015 17:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 864

You deserved it 1 934

Stranded

By Mike - 29/06/2021 02:01

Today, in an effort to conserve gas by using as much of the gas in my tank before refilling it, I ran out just before I could get to the gas station. Nobody can come bring me any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 530

By i fuckin love habaneros - 22/07/2016 19:19 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 732

You deserved it 2 362

I should?

By potatoehead178 - 28/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Fairfield

Today, while I finished my business with my girlfriend, she asked if I used Viagra. I replied, "No I never use Viagra." She responded with, "You should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 062

You deserved it 376

By waterbottlehit - 02/12/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 324

You deserved it 3 447

By chris - 09/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 807

You deserved it 10 736

By HBCruiser - 14/07/2019 02:30

Today, I’m sitting in my living room, smelling onions frying. My house is all closed up. I’m not cooking anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 155

By E or - 13/07/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 861

You deserved it 40 164

By GeneralElement - 19/02/2010 06:32 - United States

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 844

You deserved it 3 629

By Literal Baby-Daddy - 02/07/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, my toddler threw a screaming, rampaging fit, because I ate the last chocolate mousse from the fridge. Did I forget to mention said toddler is actually my 52 year old dad? FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 112

You deserved it 661

By Anonymous - 20/08/2011 21:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss called me into his office and bitched me out for a good half hour for my attitude to our customers. Apparently I always look pissed off and sound sarcastic. That's just my face at rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 403

You deserved it 5 553

By Anonymous - 22/01/2015 06:41 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 391

You deserved it 5 517

By justdancebbyx3 - 06/06/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, I logged onto Facebook and found out that my own mother unfriended me because she didn't want her new boyfriend to know that she had a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 885

You deserved it 2 997

By Anonymous - 19/01/2012 19:45 - United States

Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 354

You deserved it 5 369

By stupidupid - 06/02/2010 12:35 - Philippines

Today, we had a NAT for our preparation for college. I did quite well and knew most of the answers. When I turned mine in, I realised I forgot to write my name. The proctor doesn't allow giving back test papers after it is turned in. And no, I can't retake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 482

You deserved it 30 234

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Top comments

comedybreak 20

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:36

How unaware of your surroundings are you... YDI

Meggston 17

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:38

That's extraordinarily disgusting.

comedybreak 20

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:36

How unaware of your surroundings are you... YDI

spignona84 11

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 15:39

The automatic ones also have push buttons. Maybe OP just thinks he's never heard it flush.

zebrainthenight 13

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 18:55

Right? That's crazy. And look- OP is a guy. If he had to stand up when he was done, that means he took a shit, he didn't just pee.

A7XCamaro 19

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 19:12

Or he wanted a minute to play on his phone.

JJ_86 22

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 21:58

Not just phone if he was working there for 9 months. Fuck the lives of all those who had to use toilet after OP the Ignorant dumbhead.

Ololo_fml 16

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Wednesday 18 June 2014 12:27

ewwww that stinks

Mirorbo 26

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:39

So you just walked away every time, regardless of the lack of sound of flushing?

MrDonSalvetti 27

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:39

Maybe he thought they invented the "silent toilet" already?

Meggston 17

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:38

That's extraordinarily disgusting.

jad0016 12

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Wednesday 18 June 2014 0:01

So let me get this straight.. everytime you've left the bathroom you've left a big old shit sitting in the toliet for the next lucky guy. Dude thats disgusting -__-

kingdomgirl94 28

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Wednesday 18 June 2014 2:15

No thread jacking man, not cool.

umerin 32

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:39

That's gross. So you leave your piss/crap in there for other people to deal with? Did you not realize when you didn't hear the toilet flush?

anrou8 9

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 13:34

shit happens

ElinsVal 9

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:39

What. Didn't you notice before that it didn't flush?

lexiieeex3 32

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Saturday 28 June 2014 10:09

Obviously not.

Adam5858 17

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:40

Toilet flushing automatically!!! I never heard of that

xSalashawty 30

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:43

There's quite a few here and honestly they scare the shit out of me sometimes, no pun intended.

SMHsohard 22

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 14:58

Especially when they flush before you stand up

mattrd_fml 31

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 19:14

Sometimes they flush before you stand up and it sprays drops of water on your rear. annoying!

TheVurcle 10

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 23:26

Idiot

awkward_welcomes 8

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Wednesday 18 June 2014 0:24

He most likely doesn't have them where he lives. You not realizing that or thinking that, means that you might be the idiot

chuksnwali 34

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:38

Oh dude, this means that you left crap for people to deal with.

meli1195 31

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 12:08

You would think that OP would have noticed that he never heard the flushing sound seeing as how automatic toilets flush right away. And it really is effing disgusting when people leave turds for others to deal with.

acerredrum 23

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 12:45

It is actually kind of weird that it isn't an automatic toilet. Automatic toilets tend to have a small button on the side just in case it doesn't register you, you still have a way to flush. Manual toilets usually have a lever.