Work: Today, while pooping at work, I was scrolling through social... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, while pooping at work, I was scrolling through social media. I dropped my phone in the toilet and the automatic flusher engaged, flushing my phone halfway into the pipes, which then flooded the toilet. I had to call maintenance and explain what happened to retrieve phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1733

You deserved it

2105

Tweet

Share

BO Central

Scammers scamming

Creepy

By SebastianMiko - Canada - Calgary

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47941

You deserved it

2296

Tweet

Share

By Sierra Madre

Time for an intervention

Today, I got yelled at all day at work, only to come home and get yelled at by my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1626

You deserved it

160

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Paragould

Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36384

You deserved it

7064

Tweet

Share

By thatssickkk - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27391

You deserved it

2698

Tweet

Share

By bathroomgirl - United States

Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15036

You deserved it

37076

Tweet

Share

By Username - France

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28623

You deserved it

4731

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36196

You deserved it

5648

Tweet

Share

By maddieex - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend brought me to a restaurant on a surprise date. I guess he didn't know that my ex-boyfriend now works there, and that he would be our waiter for the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35238

You deserved it

3271

Tweet

Share

By willtype4food - Finland

Today, uncertain of having a job next month or being able to pay rent, I'm filling out tens of online surveys a day for gift cards to McDonald's, to buy hamburgers that I can freeze so I will have food for the coming months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27723

You deserved it

2904

Tweet

Share

By McFizzy321 - United States - Merritt Island

Today, I went on a cruise. I gave my bags to a porter, and tipped him $5. Later that night, my bags still hadn't arrived at my room, and that's when I realized that I'd paid a fake porter to steal my bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27796

You deserved it

5496

Tweet

Share

By hatetheroommate - United States

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had brought her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the adderall they found in my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27699

You deserved it

129676

Tweet

Share

By AidenFromSweden - Sweden

Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54713

You deserved it

4421

Tweet

Share

By over_due - United States

Today, I was giving a competitive dramatic speech. I got a little too into it and punched the ground to portray my character's anger. I must be one dedicated thespian because I was angry enough to break my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11559

You deserved it

3262

Tweet

Share

By amythest - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42681

You deserved it

3128

Tweet

Share

By fed up/turned off - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41419

You deserved it

6757

Tweet

Share

By wrongguy - United States - Raleigh

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58871

You deserved it

9679

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39147

You deserved it

2434

Tweet

Share

By OnlyMee - United States

Today, at my ex's wedding, I had to listen to his joyful recounting of how he met his bride and how they fell instantly in love and he knew she was perfect for him. All this happened while we were still dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39793

You deserved it

9933

Tweet

Share

By Nazi-chef - United States - Tucson

No mash for you

Today, I was making mashed potatoes in a hurry, I had the pot boiling on high when I had to rush to the bathroom. As I'm walking away, I ask my boyfriend to watch the potatoes. When I returned, they were no longer boiling and he proudly announced he added cold water because they looked a little dry. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks

5815

You deserved it

643

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I found out you really can burn down a kitchen by boiling an egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2389

You deserved it

804

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12171

You deserved it

130476

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41160

You deserved it

6554

Tweet

Share

By lonesomegal - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33298

You deserved it

2565

Tweet

Share

By 733yoda

Today, the most exciting notification I received was Amazon telling me that my bulk order of toilet paper had been shipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1404

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/2/2021 02:01

Panic

Today, I spent the night at a friend's house after drinking. My phone died and I didn’t charge it. My mom decided I was a missing person, and all of her friends on Facebook decided to post that I was missing. I’m a 27 year-old adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks

920

You deserved it

107

Tweet

Share

By Dgama - United States - Baltimore

Today, I went to see my new boyfriend play in a band. I found out that groupies don't like even bass players having girlfriends. I was attacked by one because he smiled at me from the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2559

You deserved it

150

Tweet

Share

By unknown - Philippines

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14588

You deserved it

39026

Tweet

Share

By zobara - Switzerland

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40996

You deserved it

3899

Tweet

Share

By Eet- - United Kingdom

Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36104

You deserved it

4227

Tweet

Share

By Nickolas - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35979

You deserved it

3711

Tweet

Share

By alex - United States

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8738

You deserved it

34097

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was driving my child to school when the car let out a huge bang. It shuddered to a halt. My son started laughing. I asked him what was funny but he wouldn't tell me. The car wouldn't start. I called RACV and they told me the problem. My son had rolled 9 golf balls into the exhaust pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38065

You deserved it

3930

Tweet

Share

By laner

The Stinking of Hill House

Today, I found out my ex-husband left the fridge full of rotting meat in the house that I'm selling. I turned off the power to the house in March. Now the whole house stinks, and I had to have the fridge professionally removed and the kitchen cleaned because buyers are coming to look at it tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1502

You deserved it

393

Tweet

Share

By Jarool - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51534

You deserved it

6598

Tweet

Share

By oopsie

Today, I got diarrhea. During sex. I didn’t even make it out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3775

You deserved it

339

Tweet

Share

By NYCproblems - United States - New York

Today, my ten-year-old brother came to visit me in NYC. Within ten minutes of walking on Times Square he had seen a prostitute and a partially-naked man. He now refuses to leave my apartment and screams when I try to drag him out. He's here for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48965

You deserved it

4864

Tweet

Share

By sherronj - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31235

You deserved it

7506

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29959

You deserved it

2339

Tweet

Share

By Fiona the Deceived

Baby New Year?

Today, I found out that my birth date was entered incorrectly, and I’ve been believing that I am a year older than I really am. I’m actually 14, not 15. How did this happen? Both my parents and the doctor got the year of my birth wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4246

You deserved it

238

Tweet

Share

By NewRoommateNeededASAP - United States

Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11525

You deserved it

733

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Niall Hutchinson | 8

#7689711 - Saturday 8 September 2018 15:14

Now you know next time to lean forward whilst using your phone on the toilet. Hopefully your phone wasn't too badly damaged.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7689774 - Saturday 8 September 2018 17:57

Once my phone falls into shit, it’s time for a new phone!

COMMENTS

By Niall Hutchinson | 8

#7689711 - Saturday 8 September 2018 15:14

Now you know next time to lean forward whilst using your phone on the toilet. Hopefully your phone wasn't too badly damaged.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7689748 - Saturday 8 September 2018 16:41

I guess you have a shitty phone now😂😂🤣🤣

By RichardPencil | 30

#7689774 - Saturday 8 September 2018 17:57

Once my phone falls into shit, it’s time for a new phone!

Reply

awildwhisper | 30

#7689846 - Saturday 8 September 2018 19:58

It'll never all come out from the inside 😷

By Abbusser | 9

#7689835 - Saturday 8 September 2018 19:42

Social media? Riiiight. Bet you're all sticky too...

By fde2blknimout | 18

#7689845 - Saturday 8 September 2018 19:56

If only you had a otter box.

By Nagwa Sami ♋ | 6

#7689971 - Sunday 9 September 2018 2:53

i'm sitting on the toilet rn reading this

By littlekellilee | 45

#7689991 - Sunday 9 September 2018 5:17

After all of that, did you really WANT it back? Even the SIM card has been through too much at that point. Just let it die peacefully in phone heaven after its been retrieved.

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7690483 - Monday 10 September 2018 2:56

Maybe you should lean forward when using your phone on the toilet or consider not using the phone at all.

By shannon2348 | 14

#7864431 - Thursday 5 December 2019 1:02

I'm really not understanding how if you were sitting on the toilet how could the phone possibly fall in? Wouldn't your body be in the way? This makes no sense.