Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, my parents kept overreacting over stupid stuff during dinner. I found a hair in a dish, so I removed it myself. My mom goes, "Is that a hair? Is it?! I'll get rid of it!" I told her that I'd already done it myself. Then, because I bit my nail once, my dad constantly kept asking if I was OK, even though I'd said I was. He wouldn't stop! FML
Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
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Top comments
Mauskau 36
always put knives in blade down
emmaleeislamee 0
Wow, you're mum seems like such a nice lady.
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Comments (111)
ImApencil 0
I can reach for pointy objects without looking cause I'm invincible. so what you got a cut. just wrap it up so you won't get blood all over the dishes and infect or get someone sick. suck it up OP.
Swimmer248 0
Ydi for owning a knife ydi for having dishes ydi for having fingers ydi for being stupid ydi for posting on fml
Swimmer248 0
I am sorry. I just felt like doing ydis. .
Trollz4daLULZ 2
Everybody wants to be me. Well, you can't! So just give up! And pay me some damned royalties for stealing my schtick (and doing it poorly!)!
KupkakeKitten 8
aww that sucks, but for knifed you should put them point DOWN, that's what I do...
jjrebel26 0
ydi for saying mum
ArielTheMermaid 17
America is probably the only country that says mom. if you could read or were aware of other cultures you'd know that OP is from Australia, where they say mum. derp
buddyweiser 0
I've had this happen to me except I got a wood splinter under my toenail stuck all the way through, I feel it pain
RPattzs_gurl 0
YDI for getting the dishes dirty with your blood. Nah jk FYL for having a mom like that.
JasonFridayThe13 0
haaaaaaha
heyhihellogoodby 0
what a bitch.
cmac86 24
I hope the knife is all right!
LilaBear 2
ouchie. I once passed out in the kitchen and collapsed onto the open dishwasher. The door was open and the bottom drawer with all the cutlery poking up was pulled out. I continue to thank my lucky stars that I missed the knives (and forks for that matter) and hit the actual door, not the cutlery, and only ended up with a minor cut on my lip.