Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
Today, I was riding my motorcycle when a guy cut me off at a light. I honked and swore at him when a bug flew into my mouth. FML
Today, I was driving 65 on a fairly deserted highway when some speeding inbred in a giant truck chose not to use the open passing lane but instead SWERVED INTO THE SHOULDER to go around me, and then cut me off. Any closer and I would've been a smear on the asphalt. FML
Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML
Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML
Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would've run that one over." Thanks. FML
Today, I was driving when a couple flipped the bird on me before cutting me off, so I flipped them off back. After they'd got away, another driver thought I'd actually been flipping him off and followed me into a parking lot. This guy was huge, and let’s just say he didn’t give me a chance to explain myself. FML
Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, I was driving through a crossroad on the main road. A driver from the right got road rage, as I didn't let him go first. He drove past me and started brake-checking me. After that he followed me over whole city to scream and curse at me in front of my flat. I didn't break any the laws. FML
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Top comments
PuffDaddy395 3
Very cleverly worded, my friend. Well done.
kickuwithmyfist 1
Hit and run!
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Comments (117)
Calyx_fml 22
Regardless of who had right of way there is one law that overrules all traffic laws, that's the law of physics. That judge, jury and executioner sentences motorcycle riders to the death penalty against cars. No appeal.
ICastillo 25
Next time just call the cops and let them know.
OfficeNinja 5
Next time, don't brake. Let the theories of Charles Darwin take care of the rest.
blsmadman 0
**** u
hateevryone 15
Damn you must really hate people?
ManInTheMachine 20
Correction: They really hate STUPID people.
123josie123 11
34, the pot calling the kettle black? *hint: your username.
videokid2000 10
They just hate human turds in the toilet of life.
dodysmoke 1
Don't stress OP, let the reckless biker learn the hard way. Ignorance is bliss for only so long.
leadawg75 12
Love the very last phrase XD
calliefornia2 3
Unfortunately flushing humans down toilets is frowned upon in most establishments...
Eraslayer 18
not in the wizarding world, there it's all business!
calliefornia2 3
Hence the "most" ;)
reddudeover 2
Not to poop on your genocidal party, but that sounds like something Hitler might say.
Bob_Cat_fml 14
GODWIN !
SoultheWolf 19
People like that almost always end up killing themselves, which is good cause they get out of the gene pool. I'm glad there was no accident, but if there was it would've been his fault not yours.
Bob_Cat_fml 14
That's true. But they might also ending up killing someone else …
blsmadman 0
People that think like this should **** off and die. 90% of all motorcycle accidents are caused by asshole cagers not paying attention
bieberfreak18 0
The toilet of life ?
unknown_user5566 27
It's called figurative language.
bieberfreak18 0
Ive never heard of using a toilet to compare life, sorry ...