Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
Today, I was riding my motorcycle when a guy cut me off at a light. I honked and swore at him when a bug flew into my mouth. FML
Today, I was driving 65 on a fairly deserted highway when some speeding inbred in a giant truck chose not to use the open passing lane but instead SWERVED INTO THE SHOULDER to go around me, and then cut me off. Any closer and I would've been a smear on the asphalt. FML
Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML
Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML
Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would've run that one over." Thanks. FML
Today, I was driving when a couple flipped the bird on me before cutting me off, so I flipped them off back. After they'd got away, another driver thought I'd actually been flipping him off and followed me into a parking lot. This guy was huge, and let’s just say he didn’t give me a chance to explain myself. FML
Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, I was driving through a crossroad on the main road. A driver from the right got road rage, as I didn't let him go first. He drove past me and started brake-checking me. After that he followed me over whole city to scream and curse at me in front of my flat. I didn't break any the laws. FML
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Top comments
PuffDaddy395 3
Very cleverly worded, my friend. Well done.
kickuwithmyfist 1
Hit and run!
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Comments (117)
zephyrnok 9
You had your chance, but stopped instead. Shame on you.
leogirl95 12
Your metaphor could not have said what I wanted to say more perfectly.
itsalanis 25
Such a world I would love to live in, but alas, it's only a dream...
Insane_Tea 15
I'm with you OP. The human turds of this world shall rue the day when sensibility becomes a necessity in life. And I will be there along side you with toilet paper in hand irradicating the smelly menance! No more will they stain the pure cotton underwear called life!
charvisioku 22
That was beautiful... *sniff*
Il_Maestro 6
Well often when an individual is cut off by a driver moving from a sidewalk to the road, the person already driving on the road has the right of way. For this reason, I really hope your comment was intended as a dig against the motorbike driver and not OP as I perceived it to be.
ICastillo 25
You should of whooped his and told him watch out where your face is going, it keeps beating up my fist.
lululu333 7
Um no, he should also watch, even more than you perhaps, especially when most likely his ass could get killed since he is the one in the motorbike.
ICastillo 25
Na but in all reality motorcycles are dangerous I agree. I had a cousin who wrecked and was killed. So people who ride bikes need to be way more aware when they're riding fast.
Bob_Cat_fml 14
Riding a motorcycle is mostly dangerous because people aren't aware of their fragility. Not all bikers are like the one in this FML. Some cars drive too fast too, and some motorcyclists (like me) are responsible. But I agree with what you say, people shouldn't drive madly like that, in every kind of vehicle.
Bob_Cat_fml 14
That's why everyone should be caring for everyone else on the road. Motorcyclists should be well protected (helmet and so on) and car-drivers should care for them. That's like a truck versus a car, and people have the right to drive a car even if a truck can kill them : it's the responsibility of the truck to take care of cars. And in a global way everyone should care for everyone on the road, because it is too often forgotten that one may die each time they're in a vehicle.
ICastillo 25
I see what you mean Bob_Cat but what if you lose control of the bike there is more chance of serious injury then you would if you lost control of a car. But like you said it is the responsibility of the person driving the vehicle.
Bob_Cat_fml 14
That's exactly what I mean, ICastillo. I'm trying to say that most of times car-drivers aren't aware of bikes and of their fragility. There are a lot of turds on motorcycles like this kid and I'm ashamed of it, but not every motorcyclist is like that.
ICastillo 25
Ya man but its a shame that these people learn their lesson to late. I just hope people start respecting their own life and the lives around them, because no body deserves to have their life ended like that.
Bob_Cat_fml 14
That's exactly my point. (:
Cowgirl9999 8
Haha, nice reference.!
Zomg_Okay 27
If it makes you feel better OP, those driving skills and that attitude to other road users will likely see him wrapped around a tree before long.
Dom925 1
As much as I like "human turds," these people have already taken on the next derogatory iteration of the the F-word.