Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
Today, I was riding my motorcycle when a guy cut me off at a light. I honked and swore at him when a bug flew into my mouth. FML
Today, I was driving 65 on a fairly deserted highway when some speeding inbred in a giant truck chose not to use the open passing lane but instead SWERVED INTO THE SHOULDER to go around me, and then cut me off. Any closer and I would've been a smear on the asphalt. FML
Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML
Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML
Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would've run that one over." Thanks. FML
Today, I was driving when a couple flipped the bird on me before cutting me off, so I flipped them off back. After they'd got away, another driver thought I'd actually been flipping him off and followed me into a parking lot. This guy was huge, and let’s just say he didn’t give me a chance to explain myself. FML
Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, I was driving through a crossroad on the main road. A driver from the right got road rage, as I didn't let him go first. He drove past me and started brake-checking me. After that he followed me over whole city to scream and curse at me in front of my flat. I didn't break any the laws. FML
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Top comments
PuffDaddy395 3
Very cleverly worded, my friend. Well done.
kickuwithmyfist 1
Hit and run!
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Comments (117)
groupleader 7
Hindsight is 20 -20, you had your chance, no guts, no glory.
janeybean 4
Lol
charvisioku 22
S'alright mate, natural selection will eventually do the job so you don't have to.
cheesesteak420 4
That just means your A whipped bitch....
DracoSpirita 21
Just find a Death Note, then you'll have the power to be Light Yagami and rid the world of all these assholes.
amberbelle 14
Next time you should swerve towards him and say 'watch where you are going next time!'
blsmadman 0
**** u. Waste of life asshole. U seem like the kind of bitch that drives while on ur phone and puts everyone else's life in danger
THE_A_TEEN 28
For what? For posting his story? You're first...
goose12321 11
You should've waited for him to come back and set up the old "rope around the tree" trick that you pull once they get close to knock them off.
blsmadman 0
**** you asshole. I ride and have to be extra cautious cuz of assholes like u not paying attention like the retards that killed 2 of my friends cuz their text messages were more important than someone else's life.
Quikraptor 8
Holy crap you're stupid. I love how you just take the bikers side, without any regard for the fact *they* were oblivious to another driver on the road about to accidentally smoke them. The biker is lucky they *didn't* get hit by being a ******* idiot. Fyl, OP.
RebelYell14 4
Just take care of your own turds, they sound lethal enough.