Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML
Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML
Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML
Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML
Today, I confidently told my friends I had a high spice tolerance and took a shot of insanely hot ghost pepper sauce. I immediately hiccuped, tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I coughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked stuff off of the table. We were in a restaurant. FML
Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML
Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML
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Top comments
dasteve 0
Chillies on your willy!
Agent36263626 4
At least you know where the burning is coming from...
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Comments (382)
Ruskie 0
I think you have short time memory loss
Namesuhate11 0
Its term not time
ZebulonPike 8
I figured that would be self-explanatory...
bri5083 9
Does cooking make you horny? Or do you just touch your penis all the time?
SSgt 0
My girlfriend thinks it is really sexy when I cook...so I cook quite often.
grunt656 0
How did u manage that? Did u add **** to the recipe?
bobbycorwen 5
That's disgusting, sicko..
iDaniel525 8
Don't knock it to you try it.
itsgen 16
haha that made me laugh
Fancyy 0
Touching your penis while cooking; Screw whoevers life your cooking for /:
malters 9
I've always liked my peppers with a hint of penis it adds something nothing else can
hiddenpoet 0
Flavor.....
kjcamaro3 5
Why is the first thing you touch your penis? Planning on using it to stir?
kimmi41509 10
That's hot! ;)
lilminja 0
Thats what you get when you cook with ghost chillies!! Common sense would make one think, "hmmm super hot chillies, hottest in fact, i should wash hands before touching anything!"
ambamm135 7
Obviously you've never cooked with these. Score since it takes a few washes to get that off your hands
Okayitwasme 0
I'm sure the commenter meant more than once! Quit reading too much into the comment and scanning for errors! Troll!
every1luvsboners 11
Happens every time I go to stir the chili with my penis. I always think the burns will cancel each other out, but it doesn't work that way, unfortunately.
Amrel 10
Wait do you mean the burns in the chili, or a different burn from your penis, and chili combined? Cause if so, you should get that checked out
GoW_Chick 15
And remind me to never eat anything if you cooked it, because I don't want to know about all your 'special' ingredients.