Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my boyfriend has a creepy stalker blog dedicated to some minor celebrity from the '80s that I’ve never heard of. When I asked him about it, he accused me of spying on his private life, even though the blog is there on the internet for anyone to read, and stormed out. FML
Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML
Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML
Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML
Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years decided to start an online blog about his life. He mentioned his cars, his friends and even his staff. I was never mentioned. FML
Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML
Today, I stumbled across my ex's blog. Apparently, while dating me, he realized he was gay. Good to know the one guy I've dated, lost my virginity to, and fell in love with, was never truly attracted to me and was dating me just to be sure. FML
Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML
Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML
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Top comments
Epikouros 32
I hope you like gardening!
GeeUnit 8
That's just oddly disturbing..
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Comments (340)
vbmg152 19
Run don't walk away from him as fast & as far as possible! Get a restraining order! He's a stalker! I've been stalked, not fun!!
skyeyez9 25
Breeding hips.....Bwahahahaha!
thetrooper666 2
"I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips" might be the most hilarious thing I've read today. Can't wait to see my girlfriend tomorrow night so I can say that to her.
WitchyArmyWife00 0
Don't forget to laugh evilly, muahahaha.
Sigil 11
Sounds like one of those SciFi flicks about world domination through procreation... I always thought those plots were boring and cheesy.... My opinion has changed.. (shivers)
vengeance000 1
There's some stupid people on here who are voting down perfectly legit comments. You losers should be banned and killed
TheEpicPies 15
What?
dirtyJK 4
Runnnnn!!!!! If there's no "jk or lol" there I'd run for the hills.
dreadedguardian 5
Maybe you shouldn't be snooping on his computer.
lishabear 21
Please post the link to his blog! You have no idea how badly I want to read it now. :D
bethanyjk 0
you're gunna be a momma. :)