Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Today, I was babysitting my boss's kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML
Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML
Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I was babysitting my niece. While we were at the grocery store, she pointed at me and loudly announced, “She says she’s on a diet, but she eats cookies in bed!” She wasn’t wrong. The cashier raised an eyebrow. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, a five year-old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML
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Top comments
Mark_Power 0
LMFAO THAT'S HILARIOUS.
TheBigDawg 8
I reeeeeeeeally hope they asked you to explain right away...lol
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Comments (79)
MrRandomness 0
That's not really an FML story. Just telling the parents what she really meant will fix the whole thing. It's not like you'd get into any trouble for it.
latereflex 0
dud why wud u say that 2 a 7 year old? r u a pervert?u obviously meant it sexually.. but shes only 7!!
katie_6098 0
i only babysit relatives kids, at least that way they know im not a psycho
latereflex 0
dude i wud ****** kick ur ass if u said shit like that to my sister. i wud kick my anyones ass, thats just sick shes 7 save ur horniness for ur laptop maannn ****
inlimbo11 0
#26 how does the name "nutsucker" imply that the OP is male? they obviously used that name because they were signing up to post THIS fml.
CherryBomb17 0
why would you give chocolate to a seven-year-old? that's asking for trouble.
Supahnova 14
I LOL'd. Going in my favs. :D
Vivelle 0
Lol, thats like AhMehGawd... #39 thats just the stupidest thing you could ask? Kids want sugar? O_O Why would it be a bad idea to give a kid a chocolate D=? Weirdo. Er! And about the Sucking nuts thing ~_~ .... It's kinda immature + STUPID! D=
geesquared 0
I did this once. When I was with some friends, one of my friend's little sister asked what she should say she did today. I said, "oh, say you licked a lollipop" and her mom took it the wrong way. I was only in 6th or 7th grade, haha!
24788 7
Just explain it next time? I'm sure they didn't take it in a weird way unless your crazy.