Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Today, I was babysitting my boss's kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML
Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML
Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I was babysitting my niece. While we were at the grocery store, she pointed at me and loudly announced, “She says she’s on a diet, but she eats cookies in bed!” She wasn’t wrong. The cashier raised an eyebrow. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, a five year-old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML
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Top comments
Mark_Power 0
LMFAO THAT'S HILARIOUS.
TheBigDawg 8
I reeeeeeeeally hope they asked you to explain right away...lol
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Comments (79)
Hannahbanana_fml 0
The very first time I babysit some little boys they informed their dad how we played doctor the whole time.
FeelMuchBetter 0
Dude! I totally got moderated, and #22 expressed the same opinion. So, I agree with #22.
marris 0
Going by your name, your a guy, so this was a pretty bad FML. If you are going to cross traditional gender clothing sterotypes you need to be much much more careful
degrassifanx0x 0
LMFAAO this is pretty funny
annonohmus 0
I hate kids. Your life is ******.
Ibeapirate 0
Kinda hilarious. Hopefully the parents were smart and took it in good humor. You'll look back and laugh. XD
Heatstreak 0
lmao choose ur words more carefully next time
gqduck 0
It's really amazing some of the things children manage to say. I think it's how parents keep their sense of humor.
Fenrisulvur 0
Serves you right for covering your nuts with chocolate.
nodbor 11
can we please stop with the and the parents came home stories, or I'm going to start making them up to.