Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my mom's boyfriend. We were in the bread aisle when he picked up a loaf that was in my hand, and said, "No, no, you have to FEEL the bread," and started rubbing it all over his body. He's moving in next week. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML
Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
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Top comments
Patriots21 14
Penis jokes are ALWAYS funny.
gordjess1 19
That's when you pretend you aren't with them.. Turn the other way and walk off.
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Comments (45)
blcksocks 19
Those penis jokes with Baguette are so old... I mean cum on
1dvs_bstd 41
dad jokes...
stieglar 17
At least he has a great sense of humor!
Grayness_ 26
One day you'll look back and think "my dad was pretty fun to be around" just laugh it off bro.
worldclassrager 41
At least he didn't ask you do take the photo right?
saymynamess 19
Fathers these days...
RealSuperSand 21
BRO DAD!!! 10 out of ******* 10, would go shopping with.
llamingo 8
Funny cause you are the result of the one time he didn't baguette
SaniK 17
Just be happy you have a dad at all, mine past away when he was only 53 and he was always up to funny shenanigans like that :) I miss him every day.
beeferjay 34
on the other hand... ****** jokes are never funny. period
beeferjay 34
lol