Kids: Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school.... - FML

By Lonely School Kid - 30/07/2015 22:35 - Canada

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 549

You deserved it 2 138

Triage

You, you, you…

Animal lover

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 21:30 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend's female best friend that they have been dating for the last month. This was the week of our one year anniversary, and my birthday. We just moved into a duplex with my name on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 098

You deserved it 293

By kb10 - 14/03/2011 07:32

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 162

You deserved it 75 252

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 677

You deserved it 3 437

By Anonymous - 09/08/2015 01:23 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 467

You deserved it 3 146

420 BLAZE IT BRO!!!

By nurse4life - 18/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Moultrie

Today, a patient at the hospital where I work asked me if he and his son could light up a joint. He was on oxygen, and serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 778

You deserved it 483

By DeepFriedLettuce - 29/04/2016 01:33 - United States - Vashon

Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 384

You deserved it 1 504

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 19:53 - United States - New Albany

Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 868

You deserved it 1 907

EMERGENCY

By jena - 22/08/2018 22:00

Today, my daughter called 911. Why? Because she couldn't get the images to show up on her phone. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 532

You deserved it 473

By Anonymous - 09/12/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was going to ask my parents for advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. I overheard them talking about how glad they were that their plan to break us up worked so well. I don't think I should ask for advice anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 450

You deserved it 2 673

By 3rdWheel1stBorn - 23/03/2018 19:00

Today, I saw that my biological father took his 2 favorite daughters on a luxury cruise to celebrate his birthday. I didn't find out until the pictures were posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 584

You deserved it 248

By anonymous - 05/02/2013 05:22 - United States - Hampton

Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 007

You deserved it 3 188

By damnit - 27/10/2008 09:08 - United States

Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 989

You deserved it 5 361

By anonymous - 09/03/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then continues kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 934

You deserved it 22 253

Too. Much. Information.

By knnev - 05/09/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my mother that she needed to buy a new mattress, telling her that we could hear the springs rattling every time she had sex with my dad. She then went on to explain that that is why they have sex on my bed when I'm not home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 141

By rutho - 27/03/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 878

You deserved it 208 549

By Anonymous - 05/03/2018 01:30

Today, my insanely religious 60-year-old neighbor screamed at me when I left my home to go to work. I was wearing jeans and that’s apparently improper for a female adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 447

You deserved it 306

By captainkevineff - 11/03/2010 14:44 - United States

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 874

You deserved it 3 618

By itsemilyc - 02/02/2015 19:34 - United States - Byron Center

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 723

You deserved it 4 282

By married and hates - 19/12/2010 18:51 - United States

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 279

You deserved it 5 600

By Annoymous - 03/09/2009 10:19 - Australia

Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 426

You deserved it 5 795

By Araya - 17/11/2009 16:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 259

You deserved it 38 842

Good morning to you too

By sllaggy - 18/04/2011 09:34

Spicy

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered, "Slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 429

You deserved it 22 062

By Anonymous - 22/06/2013 20:55 - United States

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 659

You deserved it 12 788

By FreshDonuts - 28/02/2015 05:03 - United States - Antioch

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 185

You deserved it 6 244

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 07:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 937

You deserved it 41 361

TMI FML

By Addison - 25/06/2012 00:28 - Canada - Kingston

Spicy

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 831

You deserved it 3 615

By xMiSS_CuTiEx - 27/12/2009 22:25 - United States

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 042

You deserved it 14 322

By Disappointed - 31/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, at school I pulled my bicep muscle arm wrestling. I lost. He was 14. I'm the 23 year old security guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 411

You deserved it 9 781

By CheeseLover - 02/12/2016 00:44 - United States - Spring

Today, the pizza delivery man and I know more about each other than me and my family ever have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 708

You deserved it 1 128

By juliasaman - 03/10/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I went to the doctors and was told I would need an inhaler. My mom came back from the pharmacy and told me the copay of $35 dollars was way too expensive, so she is making me use my cat's old inhaler. My mom values my cat's ability to breathe more then my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 730

You deserved it 2 605

Emotional

By Czechplease - 03/11/2011 14:23 - United States

Today, my mom told my girlfriend an embarrassing story about me, along the lines of whenever my parents would take me school clothes shopping, I'd cry because I hated all the choices they gave me. The most recent incident of this? Last year. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 150

You deserved it 33 825

Brotherly love

By I Hate My Brother - 09/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I'm in hospital because of my brother. He followed me and my boyfriend around a fair yesterday dressed as a gorilla, and whenever we showed some sort of affection towards one another, he rugby tackled me. The final tackle caused me to break my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 177

By FartyCar - 30/11/2018 17:30

Today, I found a bag of frozen broccoli in my car boot from when I went shopping 3 days ago. My whole car smells like farts now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 985

By littlemissgullible - 10/03/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 087

You deserved it 7 992

By shrimp41 - 14/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 821

You deserved it 16 205

By hellogoodbye - 06/06/2009 03:36 - Canada

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 532

You deserved it 12 441

By Anonymous - 07/02/2012 02:08 - United States

Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single and jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 064

You deserved it 42 105

Anyway, here's Wonderwall

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 352

You deserved it 80 307

By Anonymous - 30/04/2019 16:00

Today, I had to quit my job. Why? Because I don't have a babysitter anymore. All I did was tell them I didn't want them mocking my baby when he cries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 025

You deserved it 304

By GetAnotherRoomAlready - 12/03/2016 05:58 - United States - Singapore

Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 799

You deserved it 1 683

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Friday 31 July 2015 13:12

Some day your parents are going to realise the reason why you're not visiting them in their nursing home: You don't want the children of the other residents to find out they're your parents.

DeadHorseman 11

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:41

this is beyond fucked up. if you want my email or anything to talk let me know

Comments

hoosiergirl94 31

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:34

Nice guys finish last!

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:43

thats, why i'll treat you like trash (someone please get this reference)

nonsensical 26

Friday 31 July 2015 12:46

niga higa!

helptheorphans 17

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Friday 31 July 2015 15:11

but... that's not what I really wanna do.

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Saturday 1 August 2015 1:31

that means everyone needs to be mean af so we can all finish first :D ....logic....true logic

Creed_Aprooved 12

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Saturday 1 August 2015 21:29

idk I like to let girls finish before I do

Therid 22

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:35

Aaaw. That's so sad. I'm sorry for you, OP.

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Friday 31 July 2015 15:10

I can't decide which is worse... Parents being embarrassed by their kids or the other way around. I mean look at that penis baguette guy in the other post.

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:37

sorry but your parents are bitches. you sound nice :) get out there and make more friends, you're gonna find pepple who appreciates you for being you

uncle_ssaamm 12

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Friday 31 July 2015 18:56

op never said they didnt have enough friends its just their parents are trash

cole66 13

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Friday 31 July 2015 20:53

another reason 90% people on this app are trash, this persons comment got buried cause she messed up one thing while trying to make the person feel better.... sad. may the down votes begin

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Saturday 1 August 2015 13:40

thanks, really appreciate this :-)

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:39

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

DeadHorseman 11

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:41

this is beyond fucked up. if you want my email or anything to talk let me know

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Friday 31 July 2015 16:26

Showing support gets you thumbed down? Interesting.

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:41

Some parents... I'm sorry OP but I suggest trying to improve yourself on an activity like sports or learn card magic tricks to show some people. You can make friends easy that way (:

soulreaper12296 28

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Friday 31 July 2015 19:41

This has nothing to do with OP not having friends.

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:43

Wow, I'm sorry OP.

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:54

My, how the turntables...

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Saturday 1 August 2015 4:25

Like a DJ?

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:54

Well, that wasn't very Canadian of them.

EvilLittleMan 23

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Friday 31 July 2015 12:56

Wow. What a pair of Canuckleheads.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 107

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 2 600