Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML
Today, I confidently told a funny story during a holiday family dinner. Nobody laughed, except my younger cousin, who snorted so hard at the way I'd flopped into complete silence, he sprayed cranberry sauce across the table. FML
Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML
Today, at a family gathering, I was talking to my uncle about my "awful neighbor who smokes pot all day while listening to shitty bro country, and tries to cover the smell with cheap incense." After a moment of awkward silence, I remembered my cousin, his son, is my neighbor. He was more offended by the fact that I'd insulted his taste in music. FML
Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML
Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
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Top comments
pavlovaaLOVE 7
Take the liberty to piss in the soup u make when they go to your place :)
yoursucklives 36
lovely family you have there... and: i'm from austria too. i don't know why, but i love reading fmls from my country!
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Comments (134)
tygerarmy 35
You should've walked in and called them on it. And then told everyone. WTF, that's disgusting.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Maybe I'm just obnoxious, but I would've yelled, "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! THAT'S DISGUSTING! DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THAT?! [insert cousins name] JUST SPIT IN THE SOUP! AND AUNTIE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!" I would've called them out on it and made them feel like complete dumbasses :P
challan 19
I would have called them out as well. That's disgusting and they have issues. I hope you didn't eat anything, Op!
patrickalamo 48
Upper deck thier toilet.
ghirahim 5
What's that?
patrickalamo 48
Take a dump in the water tank of their toilet. The shit water keeps flowing everytime they flush.
Michele2luv 8
Bwahahahahaha! That's some funny shit! No pun intended :D
saberthree 4
Nice hahaha
Taymah49 7
Do not eat it
ALpein 0
Good advice.
Wheredidgrungego 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI for smoking.
ManInTheMachine 20
Yes, because that was the whole point of the FML. Did you even read it before you commented? Idiot.
sgtcxelite 11
#19 Smoking had nothing to do with the point of this FML. "Oh he went outside to smoke? He so deserves spit in his soup!" Take your morals and **** off.
TheArchAngel 8
Words cannot describe the disappointment I felt as I read this comment.
Plinkin 10
On that line of thinking, if OP didn't smoke they would deserve eating the spit soup, because without smoking they would have not known the soup was tainted.
lolfood 24
Is it just me, or are the quality of comments on FML getting lower?
tony1891 22
Oh gross. must be country folks.
yoursucklives 36
wien or vienna is actually the biggest city in austria.
kenzzie9999999 4
I live in the country in Canada and I does not affect anything
Pallywhack 4
^ "I does not" Case in point.
BigBoyBounce 5
#66 he meant it does not affect anything. Asshole.
pokefan813 16
66 - Hey what are you doing wandering about? You're supposed to be on someone's behind! I just had to ;D *cue the thumbs down*
lixone 7
Maybe it's some sort of family tradition you don't know about yet. Who knows, maybe it could be your turn to spit in the soup next year!
nancyschmancy 9
Hmmm, I am wondering if Aunt is pissed at everyone? Are there a lot of people showing up with no food for the reunion?
rooney0710 5
Shit in a shoe
Doortje 30
Your cousin is not quite right in the head. And neither is your aunt.
Plus_Rien 4
Weren't you warned that smoking can damage your health?
suitgirl5 5
And yet the fact he was smoking isn't the point of the FML. Thumbs down.
perdix 31
It's ironic that by damaging his health by smoking, he preserved his health by not eating his cousin's spit.
suitgirl5 5
I have to agree perdix. I always find it amusing when people jump on the "YDI for smoking" train when that's not even the point of the FML. Ugh.