Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML
Today, I confidently told a funny story during a holiday family dinner. Nobody laughed, except my younger cousin, who snorted so hard at the way I'd flopped into complete silence, he sprayed cranberry sauce across the table. FML
Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML
Today, at a family gathering, I was talking to my uncle about my "awful neighbor who smokes pot all day while listening to shitty bro country, and tries to cover the smell with cheap incense." After a moment of awkward silence, I remembered my cousin, his son, is my neighbor. He was more offended by the fact that I'd insulted his taste in music. FML
Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML
Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
pavlovaaLOVE 7
Take the liberty to piss in the soup u make when they go to your place :)
yoursucklives 36
lovely family you have there... and: i'm from austria too. i don't know why, but i love reading fmls from my country!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (134)
donkey79 0
You need to call their asses out on that, in my family we have fist fought over less.
lexi365 20
Lovely family you have...
Magichacker929 0
I would take a crap in the next brownies I make and give it to them as a gift.
unknown_user5566 27
Was it the cousin who has a crush on you? Poor thing was probably just trying to swap spit with you in a non-traditional way, since you wouldn't accept the date offer.
gregonfire 4
ydi for being a smoker
unknown_user5566 27
I wasn't aware having your food spit in/on was a side effect from smoking. Guess you learn something new every day.
MEM0817 18
Kinda makes you wonder... how many times you've eaten at their place previously, and exactly what you've eaten, huh?
pick_my_nose 0
It just needed a little extra flavoring.
Jewbenita 0
at least everyones getting some spit and not just you, your cousin and grandma hate everyone in the family equally ;D lol
Bebbo_fml 21
I hope you didn't eat anything that she made there!
tyrone_at 8
Vienna - strange people. but seriously: WTF...? ;)