Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML
Today, I confidently told a funny story during a holiday family dinner. Nobody laughed, except my younger cousin, who snorted so hard at the way I'd flopped into complete silence, he sprayed cranberry sauce across the table. FML
Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML
Today, at a family gathering, I was talking to my uncle about my "awful neighbor who smokes pot all day while listening to shitty bro country, and tries to cover the smell with cheap incense." After a moment of awkward silence, I remembered my cousin, his son, is my neighbor. He was more offended by the fact that I'd insulted his taste in music. FML
Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML
Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
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Top comments
pavlovaaLOVE 7
Take the liberty to piss in the soup u make when they go to your place :)
yoursucklives 36
lovely family you have there... and: i'm from austria too. i don't know why, but i love reading fmls from my country!
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Comments (134)
mrbobmarley4 8
Because you touch yourself at night.
noisebox 1
I think there's some unresolved issues in your family....wow
iFaisal 3
That's why they call it a family.
soad2014 7
Maybe they were out of flour and needed something to thicken the soup?
kumar1995 4
I hope u weren't hungry after that!
random_jay 6
"mmmm... What's the secret auntie?" "Now if I told you that it wouldn't be a secret"
Unbweavable 17
Just be happy you saw it before you ate it. But what if they spit in something else ?
vbmg152 19
At least you saw it! You should've busted them right then & there! Everyone else deserves to know do, they don't go back to her house for dinner again! Shame on them for doing it, shame on you for not busting them!!
Bright_Lights 14
And I thought my family was bad...
Haven246 7
Spit won't kill you, smoking will. Get over it.
ramseyrutherford 2
Smoking doesn't kill you, people in my immediate family live till their late 80's after smoking 40+ cigarettes a day... Just because they say it on tv doesnt mean it's true. Every person with cancer didn't smoke, or we're around someone smoking. Cancer is a cell in the body not divining correctly, which happens naturally without outside influences.