Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, I was helping out at my church. At lunchtime, a really cute guy my age walked over and told me I was pretty. I was flattered, until I turned around and saw his annoyed buddies handing him several dollar bills. FML
Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly ate the last of it, looked up smiling and said, "Thanks!" The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML
Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML
Today, I told a cashier at a store, “You have such kind eyes.” She smiled, then pointed to the bagging station and said, “Those are my husband’s eyes, he’s right there.” I spent the next minute bagging my groceries in dead silence. FML
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML
Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML
Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML
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Top comments
TheFamilyElf 17
Yikes. "Well, no, but you can have an extra helping of mashed potatoes instead.."
James64138 26
At least he doesn't want to eat them, along with the rest of your face...
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Comments (110)
THExistentialist 13
11 signs that the hobo you serve soup to is a serial killer-slash-rapist. [1] parolees rarely have anywhere to go live after halfway House. which is after prison. [2] he's at a soup kitchen in the first place, USUALLY indicative of homelessness (see 1.) [3] HE ASKED IF HE COULD ADD YOUR EYEBALLS TO HIS COLLECTION! [4] in order to obtain eyeballs, you'd have to be either *a* a refined surgeon, or *b* someone that, unable to obtain eyeballs from a living person without a lot of hassle from the victim, probably has to kill said victim beforehand (!) coinciding with the "serial " part of "killer" if he had a COLLECTION. [5] surgeons don't eat at soup kitchens, I'd assume *b*. [6] if I was a serial killer and collected eyeballs, I'm gonna be racking up a tab anyhow so might as well be a rapist. [7] offer to rake hobo home and keep him as a pet. [8] what point was I making again? [9] get advice from perdix and/or DocBastard. [10] ???? [11] MAKE ALL THE PROFITS!
LuckyLynx7732 5
Perhaps you should try volunteering at the needle exchange next time. The chance of running into crazies is slightly lower.
THExistentialist 13
positive way to look at a HIV/HEP C situation ;D
mayyberry 4
So, did you give them?
thefmlman2011 37
the only soup kitchen I can think of is the Jon Bon Jovi soul kitchen in NJ. but yikes I'm going with #1
Snackycake 20
Sounds like someone has an eye fetish....wait that sounds really creepy
cshell424 10
If I was homeless, I would do sh*t like that to mess with people and KEEP my sanity lol. Sounds like you got trolled big time!
AbbyAbyss 5
That reminds me of Criminal Minds. Call Spencer Reid!! Or Derek Morgan!
HayJay316 9
80- Omg yes I remember that episode!!!
aleeshttylXD 9
run. run fast! never come back!!
alpacaman 5
Just a guy kidding around-- don't worry