Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, I was helping out at my church. At lunchtime, a really cute guy my age walked over and told me I was pretty. I was flattered, until I turned around and saw his annoyed buddies handing him several dollar bills. FML
Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly ate the last of it, looked up smiling and said, "Thanks!" The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML
Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML
Today, I told a cashier at a store, “You have such kind eyes.” She smiled, then pointed to the bagging station and said, “Those are my husband’s eyes, he’s right there.” I spent the next minute bagging my groceries in dead silence. FML
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML
Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML
Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML
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Top comments
TheFamilyElf 17
Yikes. "Well, no, but you can have an extra helping of mashed potatoes instead.."
James64138 26
At least he doesn't want to eat them, along with the rest of your face...
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Comments (110)
comeatmebroo6254 1
. Let's hope his friends dared him to say that.
g0ldenb0nes 6
Jeepers, creepers. Where'd you get those peepers? ;)
Ray_of_midnight 23
Creepshow, peepshow, where did you get those eyes? Siouxsie FTW. OP, he's probably just someone with a morbid sense of humor, like me, but without the social clue to know that that's not the kind of joke you spring on a complete stranger. Or he saw The Addams Family one too many times: "How cute. He's got his father's eyes. Give those back."
MasqueradePrince 25
Jeepers, Creepers, where'd you get those eyes.
jessmariee 7
This just reminded me of that criminal minds episode...
SchlomoTheGrinch 18
The perfect time to purchase a Tazer, bear mace and maybe some brass knuckles for good measure. You know it's all about the accessories!
1337chick 4
You're quite the thick-headed girl, aren't you, OP? The guy was trying to be morbidly cute. If you don't want him, I'll take him. Jeez, what kind of humorless sheltered life do you lead?
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
Unless you're the homeless man who said it, I don't think you really know if he was joking or not.. There really are a lot of lunatics out there now.
Ajwc101 24
Look at it this way: He really likes your eyes.
shutyourmouth12Z 7
Maybe he tells that to all the other people with pretty eyes.. o.o
DollyDope 17
If he changes his mind and decides not to take your eyes send me a message. I wouldn't mind adding a new pair to my own collection.
ohSNAPyall 27
Jeepers creepers!
kristirhong 12
Reminds me of a serial killer...stay off the streets.