Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, whilst heading out the door to go to work, my lanyard got caught on the doorknob inside, and I watched my keys swing back inside as the door closed behind me. It was locked. FML
Today, I attempted a casual jog in my neighborhood. Halfway through, my shoelace snapped, and I tripped, skidding across someone’s lawn. The homeowner rushed out, not to help, but to ask why I was “attacking” their grass. FML
Today, I was on my patio trying to take photos of the amazing sunset. My phone slipped out of my hands and landed on my downstairs neighbor’s patio. When I asked for it back, they slammed the door in my face. I tried to climb over and get it myself. They called the cops on me. FML
Today, I was practicing my golf swing on my front lawn. I took a swing and on the backstroke the golf club slipped out of my hands. Next thing I know, it hits a neighbor's window, shatters it, and goes right into their living room. FML
Today, I bought a lanyard for my new car keys. "Epic Fail" was printed on it. Not two hours after getting it and putting my keys on it, I locked them in my car. I don't have a spare. FML
Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML
Today, I was tossing my car keys into the air and catching them. I threw them up really high, only to have them land in the branches of the palm tree outside my door, at the very top. FML
Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML
Today, I was looking for my condo keys, thinking I had left them in my mailbox on the first floor the night before. Leaving to check, I realized I'd forgot to take them out of my door when I had come in, leaving them in the keyhole. FML
Today, I inadvertently gave passers by the middle finger as I tried to stop my glasses from sliding off my face. FML
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Top comments
hawkmcge3 0
oh no! I couldn't keep a lanyard on ur finger they must hate u now
picklezz123 5
whatever not a big deal
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Comments (141)
rebbee 0
What a bright thing to do! The Lord sure graced you with brains!
_Shenanigans_ 0
O..kayyy?
5up3rTAN 0
how was this published but my way funnier fml wasn't?
misfitSuperStar 0
This isn't an FML at all. I'm sure you're embarassed, OP. Sorry, but.....F*A*I*L!!
modelshark 0
# 6 nice boob job.
rebbee 0
I think they are O naturale :-)
nerdsgetmehot 23
#31 I believe the phrase you're looking for is "au naturel." Not that I care whether or not they are...
the_boob 0
f your neighbors life for having to live next to a sped like you.
fuck_this_shit_5 0
how the **** was this published?
misfitSuperStar 0
#21....TROLL...trying to shark the FMLs. How do you even know they're fake??
metalr82 0
who gives a crap!!! this would only be an fml if your dumbass would have popped yourself in the face
Hgielad_720 0
what's a lanyard?
MarkerofMagic 0
it's like the thing people use to hold keys or sometimes badges for something. it's like a longnecklace thing. but alot of people jus put it in there pocket.
MarkerofMagic 0
http://www.google.com/m/search?site=images&source=mog&gl=us&q=Lanyard#i=0. it's what those are.
anorexicbarbie 8
35 Thank you for actually answering the question
MarkerofMagic 0
your welcome.