Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few... - FML

By xxxdwangelaxxx - 18/4/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

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Running commentary

Who's a good boy?

This is us

By where do they come from - 1/7/2014 04:26 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

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By hjufidskndf - 30/8/2010 05:35 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people "why he is going out with such an ugly girl." FML

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By skc - 14/3/2009 11:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave myself a facial with one of those masks you leave on for a while. I busied myself by tidying my room while it dried and eventually forgot all about it. I finally remembered about it after I answered the door to the postman. Not embarassing enough? I'm a guy. FML

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By TheThirdWheel - 4/6/2013 19:11 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I found out my boyfriend is bringing his friends on our trip. I'm now the third wheel on the romantic trip we've planned for a year. FML

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By wreckdit - 12/10/2016 23:55 - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate is a drug dealer and has been keeping her product in our flat. I discovered this when several police officers broke down my bathroom door and arrested me while I was in the shower. FML

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By depressed - 3/9/2013 21:43 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML

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By tracey - 19/10/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2018 14:00

Today, we had our busiest day at work all year with lots of angry people calling, and a co-worker called in sick. I went to my local game shop after work, exhausted and upset, and guess who was at his usual table running a Dungeons and Dragons group, apparently not too sick to go out. Yeah. FML

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By suchagoodholiday - 5/10/2015 09:57 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I've been in Bali for 12 days. We have done nothing but sit around because my whole family is sick, and they won't let me do anything because it's supposed to be a "family vacation". FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2020 18:00

Our house, was a very very very nice house

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

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By tampondealer - 9/11/2009 18:42 - Canada

Today, after visiting my mom, she stuffed a bunch of pads in my backpack so I'd have some at my dorm. When I was going through security, I was stopped and ended up missing my flight. Apparently the jumbo pads my mom sent look exactly like packs of cocaine when they go through the X-ray machine. FML

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By teddyissmall - 14/4/2014 06:29 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML

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By mississippi123 - 6/8/2012 05:41 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

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By WTFFAIL - 3/12/2009 09:08 - United States

Today, I finished a 50 page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML

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By Abby - 11/11/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML

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By kai - 27/1/2009 01:32 - United States

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

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By beccaj_ilh - 6/9/2009 15:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML

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By SmallAngel - 22/3/2013 00:35 - United States - Aurora

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

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By shouldagone2work - 24/9/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

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By saltynutz20 - 7/4/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months, because I told him I loved him. Two minutes after he'd pulled out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML

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By myself - 20/9/2012 07:00 - United States - Seaside

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML

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By ninnang - 9/7/2014 21:37 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

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By synn - 24/2/2010 05:19 - Singapore

Today, I went for a job briefing, and after that was told to do some editing for them. When I asked the person whether I was paid for the day, she laughed and said no. She was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2013 19:37 - United States - Norcross

Today, I had a formal complaint filed against me for being outrageously rude to a customer. All I did was tell a customer that she couldn't use food stamps at the movie theater. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2015 10:27 - Australia - Doncaster

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

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By karl - 10/1/2009 06:50 - Ireland

Today, we were out smoking a bit of spliff just walking around. We saw a place to sit down in this little car park we were walking past. The cops came over and busted us. Turns out we were in the main car park for the cop shop. FML

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By Maui_Diddy - 15/8/2018 18:30

Today, an old fling said she regretted her previous choice and wanted to try again, so I happily accepted. She failed to tell me that her previous choice was crazy. Not only is he stalking her, but he's also stalking me and sending her messages about who I'm with and what I'm doing. FML

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By wearingshorts - 28/8/2010 04:54 - United States

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

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By sluttyfox - 31/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was excited to finally receive my Halloween costume in the mail after the one I ordered back in September got lost in transit. Upon reaching my mailbox, I saw the lock had been broken off and my new costume had been stolen. The party is tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2009 15:15 - United States

Today, my husband and I were looking for a new house. The open house we were in had a strange floral scent to entice the buyers. I am three months pregnant and have horrible morning sickness. I threw up all over the living room. FML

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By cameltoeyourface - 26/7/2010 00:42 - United States

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

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By sara - 17/9/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, during gym class, my teacher insisted that everyone should relieve some stress by throwing a basketball at the wall. I wound up and hurled the thing at the wall, it bounced back and hit me in the stomach. I began to vomit uncontrollably. Even my teacher laughed. FML

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By collegekid - 17/5/2020 14:00

Marriage story

Today, after 25 years of marriage, my parents decided to get a very nasty and extremely expensive divorce. Using my college tuition to pay for it. FML

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By Nikki - 27/7/2012 13:45 - United States - Newark

Today, my live-in-boyfriend lost his job. Jokingly, I told him that we weren't going to have sex until he found a new job. He then turned to me with the most excited look I have ever seen on his face and said "I am going to stay unemployed forever!" He was serious. FML

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By Noname - 17/3/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I was flirting with a really hot guy at a track meet and I gave him my number. When I asked him what school he went to he replied, "Oh, I don't go to school, We're from the juvenile corrections facility." FML

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By Limalia - 24/1/2011 21:00 - Switzerland

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

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By shootme - 13/11/2011 22:46 - Canada

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

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By I hate retail - 17/10/2016 22:12 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for refusing to give a found credit card to a woman it didn't belong to. FML

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Top comments

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#123366 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Dude the first, first not to call first.
#1 youre awesome:)
Bahaha,
and you know what you kind of deserved that.
laughing loud is obnoxious.
you should have just acted normal, or even went over and watched them play

there are easier ways straight forward that get you noticed.,
but your life is fucked up too.

By CTL_fml | 0

#123402 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

FML has taught me to never try and impress people because bad stuff happens to you when you do.

Also, I LOVE swings. You can never be too old!

Comments

By locoamor | 0

#123350 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:31

haha! that blows! Poor girl..

Reply

piemasterp | 8

#958130 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 16:23

While she's bent over she might aswell blow them! Fat ass. how do you break a swing?

Reply

effyoubitch | 5

#3316046 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 8:29

Your "trying to act cute" plan was fucking dumb. That shit is not cute.

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#123366 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Dude the first, first not to call first.
#1 youre awesome:)
Bahaha,
and you know what you kind of deserved that.
laughing loud is obnoxious.
you should have just acted normal, or even went over and watched them play

there are easier ways straight forward that get you noticed.,
but your life is fucked up too.

Reply

greendaygirl999 | 5

#1004662 - Monday 24 May 2010 1:18

Acting like a bimbo isn't going to get a guys number. YDI

By hootersgirl09 | 0

#123369 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:34

haha yes

By lizwriteslove | 0

#123374 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:35

haha that sucks.

By skitz | 0

#123385 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:36

i can see this being illustrated.

By Kickinchicken213 | 3

#123389 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:37

geez that sucks a lot.

By babymama1029 | 0

#123395 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

YDI. since when was laughing loudly and having your hair go everywhere, even close to being "cute? " and who swings anymore (except for those who are too young to be on formal...)

Reply

DoctorKyda | 5

#3473323 - Saturday 22 October 2011 23:25

Oi, swings are awesome! xD

Reply

HerpaderpMeg | 12

#4846995 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 7:45

Swings are cool.

Reply

PsychoKittie | 7

#5636933 - Wednesday 21 August 2013 9:07

I will swing forever~!!! WHOOOO

By Commonsenseless | 0

#123400 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

ooh... That sucks. You did kind of deserve it though... Since you were acting unlike yourself. But I feel for you. I mean, that is seriously mortifying.

By CTL_fml | 0

#123402 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

FML has taught me to never try and impress people because bad stuff happens to you when you do.

Also, I LOVE swings. You can never be too old!

By tempaccount | 0

#123407 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:39

The best part is, I hate when girls laugh and fuck with their hair. It makes you look stupid.
"cute" is for small children, small animals, and catgirls.
Guys want "sexy" or "mysterious".
I do not want "cute" and I do not want "stupid".

Reply

biwinning88 | 1

#2382729 - Thursday 21 April 2011 11:34

I absolutely DESPISE girls who try to be cute, makes me ashamed to be a woman sometimes. just act normal, do you really want to have to fake your personality all,the time. dumb ass