Love: Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few... - FML

By xxxdwangelaxxx - United States

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

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Out of it

Cold-blooded old times

Didn't think it through

By Ugh - United Kingdom

Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML

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By GirlOnTheFly - United States - Uniontown

Today, I was finally able to drive my brother's nice car instead of my clunker, because he left for college. First thing I do? Back into the neighbors' mailbox while exiting the driveway. FML

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By a fat fucking shit and proud of it - United Kingdom - Camberley

Today, it's been less than a week since I finally got a job, after over a year of searching. I just found out that there's about to be a wave of layoffs. I haven't even gotten my first paycheck, and already I'm going to lose my job. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML

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By IndieRox - United States

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

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By Yoshi - United States

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

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By SoccerBabe42 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

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By fatty - United States

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2020 17:00

The walls have ears

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to tell my partner. Yeah, sex ended real quick. FML

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By ugh - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

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By Erasmus - France

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. I took stupid photos all day long and when came the moment that the bride entered the church, my battery died. FML

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By moikristine - Norway - Fagerstrand

Today, I got an email saying the gift I'd ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML

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By Blindjac

Today was my moms wedding and I was the maid of honor! I was so excited to walk down the isle with my mom, but the church was so dry I got a bloody nose 5 minutes before going down. I couldn’t go down the isle or watch my mom go down either. I had to stay in the back and hold my nose up. FML

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By Lance - United States

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was forced to spend three hours looking at a fat guy's butt crack, seated directly in front of me in an exam. I'm pretty sure it lowered my grade. FML

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By Angie - South Africa

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

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By shilpajayseanfan - Canada

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

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By Ex-girlfried - United States

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my 5th birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

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By UGH! - Canada

Today, I slid into a seat in a very busy foodcourt that was jam packed full of seniors at the mall. It was the only seat available, so I was quick to jump into it. It was soaked with urine. FML

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By Smokey9 - United States

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

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By Melaknee - United States

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

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By Wowsers. - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

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By Painful - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

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By smth - United States

Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML

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By mulligan - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I'll be moving to a different state in a few months for a new job. He now refers to me as his "girlfriend for now". FML

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By Lily - United States - San Antonio

Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

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By Jenn P - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes. It's a new pack. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

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By Anonymous

Mess incoming

Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML

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By AW

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the store to buy new blankets and a comforter. A cute guy started chatting with me and asked about the new bedroom decor. I lied and said I just had a major break up and needed new things, instead of admitting I was too lazy to dig out and wash my winter blankets from last year. FML

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By sumerflame07 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I've become so accustomed to finding my sister drunk or otherwise passed out in the same spot in the living room that every time I go in there, I instinctively lift my feet higher as though to step over her, even when she's not there. FML

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By paging dr. kevorkian - Netherlands

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML

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By foutu - France

Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML

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By indianaxx - France

Today, my dad came out of a hotel bathroom with nothing but a wash-cloth over his crotch and said "look! this place has cotton loin clothes" in front of my wedding party. FML

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By -- - Canada

Today, I was kicked out of the mall along with a bunch of my friends, sworn at by the security guards, and personally escorted all the way to the sidewalk, only to find out we'd been mistaken for another group of people. FML

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By NotTalented - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I played in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience and were brought to tears. Not because it was beautiful, but because they were sad to see how much the music program had declined since they left. FML

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Top comments

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#123366 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Dude the first, first not to call first.
#1 youre awesome:)
Bahaha,
and you know what you kind of deserved that.
laughing loud is obnoxious.
you should have just acted normal, or even went over and watched them play

there are easier ways straight forward that get you noticed.,
but your life is fucked up too.

By CTL_fml | 0

#123402 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

FML has taught me to never try and impress people because bad stuff happens to you when you do.

Also, I LOVE swings. You can never be too old!

COMMENTS

By locoamor | 0

#123350 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:31

haha! that blows! Poor girl..

Reply

piemasterp | 8

#958130 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 16:23

While she's bent over she might aswell blow them! Fat ass. how do you break a swing?

Reply

effyoubitch | 5

#3316046 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 8:29

Your "trying to act cute" plan was fucking dumb. That shit is not cute.

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#123366 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Dude the first, first not to call first.
#1 youre awesome:)
Bahaha,
and you know what you kind of deserved that.
laughing loud is obnoxious.
you should have just acted normal, or even went over and watched them play

there are easier ways straight forward that get you noticed.,
but your life is fucked up too.

Reply

greendaygirl999 | 5

#1004662 - Monday 24 May 2010 1:18

Acting like a bimbo isn't going to get a guys number. YDI

By hootersgirl09 | 0

#123369 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:34

haha yes

By lizwriteslove | 0

#123374 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:35

haha that sucks.

By skitz | 0

#123385 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:36

i can see this being illustrated.

By Kickinchicken213 | 3

#123389 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:37

geez that sucks a lot.

By babymama1029 | 0

#123395 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

YDI. since when was laughing loudly and having your hair go everywhere, even close to being "cute? " and who swings anymore (except for those who are too young to be on formal...)

Reply

DoctorKyda | 5

#3473323 - Saturday 22 October 2011 23:25

Oi, swings are awesome! xD

Reply

HerpaderpMeg | 12

#4846995 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 7:45

Swings are cool.

Reply

PsychoKittie | 7

#5636933 - Wednesday 21 August 2013 9:07

I will swing forever~!!! WHOOOO

By Commonsenseless | 0

#123400 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

ooh... That sucks. You did kind of deserve it though... Since you were acting unlike yourself. But I feel for you. I mean, that is seriously mortifying.

By CTL_fml | 0

#123402 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

FML has taught me to never try and impress people because bad stuff happens to you when you do.

Also, I LOVE swings. You can never be too old!

By tempaccount | 0

#123407 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:39

The best part is, I hate when girls laugh and fuck with their hair. It makes you look stupid.
"cute" is for small children, small animals, and catgirls.
Guys want "sexy" or "mysterious".
I do not want "cute" and I do not want "stupid".

Reply

biwinning88 | 1

#2382729 - Thursday 21 April 2011 11:34

I absolutely DESPISE girls who try to be cute, makes me ashamed to be a woman sometimes. just act normal, do you really want to have to fake your personality all,the time. dumb ass