Love: Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few... - FML

By xxxdwangelaxxx - United States

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

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There's no helping some people

Own it

Shut down

By kay - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out I'm starting to get varicose veins, typical in older people who don't move enough. I'm 34 and I get 9 hours of exercise a week. FML

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By - France

Today, my two favorite things in the world are Pizza and Beer... I now discover I have Celiac and can't have either. FML

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By Cilla - 1/4/2021 04:01 - United Kingdom

Final words

Today, in his will, my dad laid the blame squarely at my feet for his depression, alcoholism, liver failure, suicide attempt and eventual death, not because of anything I did, just for being born in the first place. He never wanted a kid, resented becoming a dad and drank to make the depression bearable. FML

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By ohseven6421 - United States

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

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By ParkingGuy - United States

No free lunch

Today, while working as a parking booth attendant, I decided to be nice and give a woman free parking. I said, "Give me a high five and I'll give you free parking, since I already did the paperwork." She said, "I'd rather pay," with a really disgusted look. I also had to redo the paperwork. FML

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By Merry F-ing birthmas - 20/12/2020 11:01 - Australia - Brisbane

They targeted gamers!

Today, as he has all day for the last 3 days, my husband has been playing Cyberpunk 2077. However, it's my birthday. When I mentioned this fact, I was told to just walk the 4 miles to the store and buy a cake, "if it matters so much." I have celiac and he spent our grocery money on the game. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, by helping my sweet, caring boyfriend get over his crippling insecurities and develop some confidence, I've turned him into a lying, cheating asshole I can't stand. FML

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By JAdams - United States - Newkirk

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

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By uglyswimmer - United States

Denied

Today, I was talking to a swimmer I just met. I saw a cute guy and whispered to her, "That guy is hot." She asked "Who?" I pointed at him. She turned to see him, then turned back to me and said "Ew, that's my brother." She went to him, whispered something. He turned around to see me and said, "EW." FML

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By How

Mystery person

Today, I received a letter from my apartment complex saying I have an unauthorized tenant living with me. I must provide proof they don't live with me in the next 72 hours or I get kicked out. Nobody lives with me, and I don't know how to prove it. FML

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By me - United States

Today, the tree that my neighbors have neglected to cut down fell on my car. They claim that by law, they aren't responsible and don't have to pay for it. FML

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By intranator - Jordan

Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML

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By Shantwozzlah - United States - Kissimmee

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

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By ouch - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing for a huge party I've been looking forward to for months. I did all the usual things a girl should do, put on a facemask, painted my nails, exfoliated... I was feeling confident until I peeled off the facemask. I guess when it said "vibrant" what it meant was bright red. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when I got a new follow suggestion. I checked her feed, and found out it was my ex-fiancé’s newest fiancée. And he'd proposed to her using an $185 ring I'd bought myself for my birthday last year. FML

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By fuckoffgran - Ireland

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

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By Hackmanjones - Canada

Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML

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By dillon - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I watched a Youtube video about artists who ripped off other artist's songs. All of the bands that were accused of stealing were all bands that I really enjoy. FML

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By sausages - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

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By theflow - Australia - Perth

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

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By BadatDIY - United Kingdom

Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML

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By IamTheSalt

Today, I got my grades back. They were all 98's and 99's with also a 104 (extra-credit). I got refused from entering an honors club, because it's "impossible to get above a hundred in a math class". I even got investigated for cheating. FML

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By movingout - Australia - Ringwood

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I laid in bed until 3am kept up by a house party. In my own house. Which my housemates didn't invite me to. FML

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By WayTooMuchFacebook - United States

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

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By nemesis5196523 - United States - Ogden

Today, I got the ending to Breaking Bad spoiled for me by a cashier while I was buying the final season box-set. FML

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By Iammsofed - 17/6/2021 14:01

Insane jealousy

Today, my wife threw my Macbook out a window and tore up important work documents, all because she saw me talking to a female colleague of mine. I confronted her about the damage, and she responded, "Go ask the bitch you were with the other day to help you with that." FML

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By whitneyy - Australia

Today, I went to my grandfathers' funeral. As I stood there, bawling my eyes out, my aunt came over and put her arm around me. She leaned her head close to mine. I assumed she was going to say something comforting, instead she asked where I'd bought my shoes from. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

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By marriedtoacunt - United Kingdom - London

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

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By arghhh - United States

Today, I finished my internship working in a government lab. I got paid $4000 for the summer. I was talking to my cousin, who said that when he worked as a carnie last summer he made $8000. I get paid half as much for doing research as a carnie does for serving people sno-cones. FML

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By htx91 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after opening a letter from the VA, I found out that I have to pay back all the money I earned last year in the Army. I just spent $500 on Christmas presents. Payments start in January. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML

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By VacationTSA - United States

Today, I woke up in a girls bed, that I have had a crush on for two years. She was sleeping on the floor with someone else. FML

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By Username

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

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By Backstabber<3

Today, as I was about to finally tell my boyfriend of nearly a year that I love him, he revealed that he cheated on me, his side chick is pregnant, and he has the clap. FML

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By jakeson12 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML

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By Snow - United States

Today, my mother informed me that I am not allowed to drive in snow. I live in Minnesota. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

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Top comments

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#123366 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Dude the first, first not to call first.
#1 youre awesome:)
Bahaha,
and you know what you kind of deserved that.
laughing loud is obnoxious.
you should have just acted normal, or even went over and watched them play

there are easier ways straight forward that get you noticed.,
but your life is fucked up too.

By CTL_fml | 0

#123402 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

FML has taught me to never try and impress people because bad stuff happens to you when you do.

Also, I LOVE swings. You can never be too old!

COMMENTS

By locoamor | 0

#123350 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:31

haha! that blows! Poor girl..

Reply

piemasterp | 8

#958130 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 16:23

While she's bent over she might aswell blow them! Fat ass. how do you break a swing?

Reply

effyoubitch | 5

#3316046 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 8:29

Your "trying to act cute" plan was fucking dumb. That shit is not cute.

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#123366 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Dude the first, first not to call first.
#1 youre awesome:)
Bahaha,
and you know what you kind of deserved that.
laughing loud is obnoxious.
you should have just acted normal, or even went over and watched them play

there are easier ways straight forward that get you noticed.,
but your life is fucked up too.

Reply

greendaygirl999 | 5

#1004662 - Monday 24 May 2010 1:18

Acting like a bimbo isn't going to get a guys number. YDI

By hootersgirl09 | 0

#123369 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:34

haha yes

By lizwriteslove | 0

#123374 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:35

haha that sucks.

By skitz | 0

#123385 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:36

i can see this being illustrated.

By Kickinchicken213 | 3

#123389 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:37

geez that sucks a lot.

By babymama1029 | 0

#123395 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

YDI. since when was laughing loudly and having your hair go everywhere, even close to being "cute? " and who swings anymore (except for those who are too young to be on formal...)

Reply

DoctorKyda | 5

#3473323 - Saturday 22 October 2011 23:25

Oi, swings are awesome! xD

Reply

HerpaderpMeg | 12

#4846995 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 7:45

Swings are cool.

Reply

PsychoKittie | 7

#5636933 - Wednesday 21 August 2013 9:07

I will swing forever~!!! WHOOOO

By Commonsenseless | 0

#123400 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

ooh... That sucks. You did kind of deserve it though... Since you were acting unlike yourself. But I feel for you. I mean, that is seriously mortifying.

By CTL_fml | 0

#123402 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

FML has taught me to never try and impress people because bad stuff happens to you when you do.

Also, I LOVE swings. You can never be too old!

By tempaccount | 0

#123407 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:39

The best part is, I hate when girls laugh and fuck with their hair. It makes you look stupid.
"cute" is for small children, small animals, and catgirls.
Guys want "sexy" or "mysterious".
I do not want "cute" and I do not want "stupid".

Reply

biwinning88 | 1

#2382729 - Thursday 21 April 2011 11:34

I absolutely DESPISE girls who try to be cute, makes me ashamed to be a woman sometimes. just act normal, do you really want to have to fake your personality all,the time. dumb ass