Today, I took my $2,000 drone out and shot some beautiful footage... - FML

By Now I'm Broke - 22/11/2017 15:00

Today, I took my $2,000 drone out and shot some beautiful footage of an old dam. I hid it behind a rock to explore the area further without carrying it, but when I came back it was gone. I was splitting the payments with my uncle. I work a minimum wage job. FML

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Family values

Mind your own beeswax

Reliable

By NeverDrinkingAgain - 9/12/2010 12:31 - Canada

Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 04:59 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball outside in my driveway. I saw three cute girls walking by, so I thought I would try to show off a little by doing a backwards slam dunk. I jumped, completely missed the rim and hit my head on the backboard. Then my mom ran out to help me up. FML

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By dealtit - 30/7/2014 03:49 - United States - Toccoa

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of class. Thinking I got away with it, I just kept doing my work until some kid across the room says, "I could have done better." FML

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By krray - 11/3/2017 22:00

Suspense

Today, I was walking up the stairs with my lunch behind a heavy co-worker. His arms were full, and step by step, as we went up the stairs his pants dropped a little further. By the time we reached the top, his knickers were below his knees and it was a full moon. I prayed he wouldn't fart on my food. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

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By annonymous - 7/9/2015 20:56 - United States

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

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By Lilly - 30/10/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML

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By AMIGODO - 12/2/2011 15:13 - Netherlands

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

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By metalflower01 - 11/1/2012 16:31 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my wedding. On top of being upset about the break up, I was informed I owed a $900 cancellation fee for not using the venue. Single and broke. FML

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By Durrrrrr - 24/1/2009 01:03 - Canada

Today, I went to a "party" with the boy whom I am interested in. It was the first time I met his friends. Turns out he and all his friends are hardcore Christians who don't drink and are celibate. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2010 19:51 - Canada

Today, while my teacher was in the middle of a lecture, I accidentally made it so my laptop would display everything upside down. It took me the rest of class to get it right side up again. FML

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By NotInTheRightPlace - 17/3/2014 18:18 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

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By Losamus - 15/8/2018 23:30

Nice first impression.

Today, I didn't know I had a pill stuck in my throat until I coughed and it flew across the table, narrowly missing the weird guy sitting across from me in the break room. Turns out that weird guy is my new supervisor. FML

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By wtf - 12/7/2009 16:20 - United States

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 14:37 - United States

Today, I went to a big family dinner. I didn't realize I hadn't been invited until we were about to sit down to eat. There were 12 chairs, 12 plates, 12 forks, and 12 glasses. I was the 13th person to arrive. FML

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By fuck you, bitchcake - 10/11/2013 18:26 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 12:33 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML

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By j3r3zana16 - 31/10/2011 08:30 - Canada

Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML

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By givingup - 30/1/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

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By AllieOops - 17/8/2011 09:14 - United States

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2016 17:38 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with "When I win the lottery..." FML

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By lizard - 9/1/2011 00:22 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time. When my boyfriend introduced us, his grandfather smiled at me, took my hand, and said in the most polite voice, "Wow, you're not nearly as pretty as he described you." FML

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By anonymous - 10/11/2015 22:15 - Czech Republic

Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his tazer at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tazed him for acting aggressively. FML

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By Amy - 1/4/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

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By mazey93 - 9/12/2016 19:14 - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, I passed out on the way to work. Some lucky passerby took this as an opportunity to help themself to my purse. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2011 15:01 - United States

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

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By Invisible - 19/2/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML

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By Ali - 17/4/2019 02:00

Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML

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By Mr. Shawzy - 15/1/2009 11:43 - Canada

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

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By Groom - 30/11/2008 10:51 - France

Today, I had an important interview. On the way there, I stopped in front of a car window to look at my reflection, checking I didn't have salad stuck between my teeth. Having pulled several faces, I realised that there were two girls inside the car, cracking up with laughter. FML

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By bad boss - 3/4/2018 01:30

Today, I had to reprimand an employee for her bad attitude and terrible work performance. She went to HR and said I harassed her for being gay. Guess who they believed. FML

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By gfg - 16/3/2009 18:48 - Romania

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

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By wow - 11/7/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I'm a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2013 18:32 - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

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By VidyaGameCollector - 3/5/2019 20:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, because money is a little tight, I decided to sell one of my retro video game consoles. The family member that initially gave me it to me saw the ad on Facebook and demanded I give it back to them. FML

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By smashyonewfloors - 31/8/2013 04:44 - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2009 02:35 - Brazil

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

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By NocturnalFox - 25/8/2015 19:46 - Czech Republic - Plzen

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML

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Top comments

By Callyn | 47

#7566498 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 19:49

Who the hell hides their expensive gear behind a rock? Couldn't you have locked it in your car at least? If you didn't have one, you should have just come back later. There's really no excuse for this, you were asking for your shit to get stolen.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7566837 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 15:36

You definitely deserve this one. If you can't afford to buy it, you can't afford to not look after it. It's not just your half, it is also your uncles half you got with you.

COMMENTS

By Callyn | 47

#7566498 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 19:49

Who the hell hides their expensive gear behind a rock? Couldn't you have locked it in your car at least? If you didn't have one, you should have just come back later. There's really no excuse for this, you were asking for your shit to get stolen.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7566832 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 15:28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

David Horgan | 8

#7566854 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 16:17

The kind suckers buy

Reply

exileonmainst | 16

#7566907 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 18:49

God dam it, you beat me to the pun!

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7566970 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 21:07

I had to be quick. Otherwise, the dam would have burst with the dam puns!

Reply

exileonmainst | 16

#7566978 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 21:31

At which point Charlton Heston would have screamed ”You maniacs, you blew it up! Ah god dam you! God dam you all to hell!”

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7566988 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 22:16

But then Clark Gable would come in and say, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dam."

Reply

exileonmainst | 16

#7566996 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 22:41

And then Christopher Lloyd paraphrase himself and say ”Dam, I’m running out of dam jokes. Dam.. Dam! Dam!”

Reply

exileonmainst | 16

#7566997 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 22:42

God dam it, why can’t you edit your fucking comments?!

By jkjorn | 14

#7566834 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 15:31

Why would you need to carry it? Just have it hover overhead & follow you around like a puppy dog, problem solved.

Reply

lexos | 16

#7566874 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 16:46

Battery life of drones is not so great most of the times. He probably wanted to save as much battery as possible for the last flight

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7566837 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 15:36

You definitely deserve this one. If you can't afford to buy it, you can't afford to not look after it. It's not just your half, it is also your uncles half you got with you.

By TeachAllTheMath | 19

#7566838 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 15:42

I’m sorry this happened, but I’m sure in the future you’ll be more careful with such expensive equipment.

By VonBlitzkrieg | 27

#7566841 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 15:53

The world is gonna roll you. You ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.

By Liam Adanah | 4

#7566845 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 16:01

What did you expect? That someone would find a 2000$ drone and just leave it

By tori210 | 15

#7566850 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 16:06

$2000, are you serious? Why the HELL would anyone leave that kind of equipment hanging around? Would you leave your laptop or phone on the ground? Your best bet is smashing your car window and saying someone stole your shit. YDI

By ViviMage | 38

#7566873 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 16:42

That does the GPS tracker app tell you? You do have a GPS built in, or attached one, right?

By lexos | 16

#7566876 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 16:47

Why did you buy something that's absolutely unnecessary if you can't afford it?

Reply

97mailo | 17

#7567000 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 22:46

Maybe he’s a photographer, and he wanted aerial shots. He couldn’t afford it so he asked his uncle to invest in him. I don’t think it’s useless.

Reply

97mailo | 17

#7567001 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 22:48

*unnecessary not useless.