Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
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Top comments
MegasaurusRex89 28
That has to be THE most uncomfortable sentence one could say to a parent.
Miss_Mandi 29
Did somebody beat you to a sex talk with your son, OP? ...Now that I think about it, it was probably the internet.
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Comments (69)
lebanesebarbie 15
Hahah awesomeeee. What every parent wants to hear :| great image.
Lillyyy06 6
Looks like your son is ahead...
igg125 30
So he already knew about the birds and the bees
wow_very_doge 10
Expect awkward moments every time you initiate sex-talk, OP.
GrinchFu1 27
This is only weird if your son is like under 12 or over 18. All teenage boys say silly shit... And they ********** constantly, or was that just me?
crackajak 15
Although not scientifically proven I believe there is a direct correlation between constant masturbating as a child and the ability to grow an impressive beard. You sir, are proof.
libbyson 5
More masturbation = better beard or the other way around?
GrinchFu1 27
I definitely kept myself busy as a child...
crackajak 15
Hell yeah. Who didn't? I was dry heaving before I had a wet dream. On a non sexual note, your profile mentions that you're metal head. Any love for system of a down?
bertie69 6
your sons epic
wsj93 6
I agree with him, that's awesome haha
vikky538 29
Beat off... That word would have really beat you off
MrGibbs25 20
haha your kid is a genius. seriously, he really is.
chosha_fml 27
He's not wrong. :)