Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
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Top comments
MegasaurusRex89 28
That has to be THE most uncomfortable sentence one could say to a parent.
Miss_Mandi 29
Did somebody beat you to a sex talk with your son, OP? ...Now that I think about it, it was probably the internet.
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Comments (69)
worldclassrager 41
Am I the only one who read the sentence with a tone of excitement?
Smooth_Criminal 24
Not at all.
EvilLittleMan 23
High-five for that reply !
Liu1992 14
哈哈，I'm going to beat off!
OrpheusTelos 4
i mean...at least he's honest?
chuchusheep 19
oh dear.
jack67_fml 14
Ha! That kid is savage
xcrunner5671 4
How is this an fml exactly?
writerchic85 26
At least he's not embarrassed by his body
randomcritic 14
How old is he?! Sorry about the awkwardness, but at least you're being a good parent by letting him know what to expect.
beachtrash 7
Wet dreams are only normal if you go too long without release. Many men don't have wet dreams at all, because they have enough sex and/or because they take matters into their own hands frequently. OP: just because you think they're normal doesn't mean they'll be a nornal part of your son's life.