By NotFromAustralia - 08/07/2016 05:25 - United States - Denver

Today, I thought the earwig infestation that had plagued my basement apartment for weeks had finally solved itself. Turns out the black widow infestation took care of it for me. Time to move. FML
I agree, your life sucks 13 637
You deserved it 838

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Fire is the only logical solution here

Exterminator be like "Sorry ma'm nothing left to do here, gonna have to burn the place down"

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Oh god. I'm so sorry.

Fire is the only logical solution here

No such thing as logical in the face of such adversity One must use the ultimate firepower available If the entire neighborhood perishes so be it

I wonder if the fuel station sells at a bulk discount rate.

Why can't I like this more than once?!

Exterminator be like "Sorry ma'm nothing left to do here, gonna have to burn the place down"

A flamethrower is a solid investment.

Yup. And great for clearing snow in the winter time

I hope you called somebody to take care of that situation

I'm surprised whatever deity is trying to exile you skipped right over locusts to black widows. They basically skipped over the triple dare of plagues.

I love how if theres an earwig infestation, which earwigs are fucking terrifying, everybody is like "oh no its fine", but the second a spider just meanders on by everybody loses their shit

They don't actually burrow into your ear, you know?

Unlike earwigs, black widows are highly venomous. Might want to take that into consideration.

Black widows aren't as fatal as one might assume and spiders usually don't bother you if you don't bother them. Spiders are actually very helpful in getting rid of pests which can cause harm to you or your home.

Have you never seen arachnophobia, IT, The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or The Incredible shrinking man? Have you never played Limbo, Tera, The unfinished swan, or probably any RPG ever? You know what all of those things have in common? Giant, blood sucking, soul rending, EVIL in the form of SPIDERS! And a black widow is just plain lethal, forget scary.

As nice as you might be for trying to comfort OP, it says he/she has an infestation of black widows, which puts OP at a very high risk for being bitten.

Or scared to death. Or the op might be spun up in a giant web and slowly suffocate. Or the op might just become spider man/woman...but thats unlikely, unlike death, which is likely...Or at the very least, a period of time in which the op wishes he/she were dead will come to pass if he/she were to get bit..

or call an exterminator

Sounds like the story of the little old woman who swallowed a spider.

You must defeat the black widows with their natural enemy the praying mantis!!