Who needs internet anyway? Or even a house in this case.

I think a flamethrower is a little bit better of an investment than internet at this point OP.

I am happy you are still around today to write the fml op you have my respect. If I didn't die from a bite I definitely would from a heart attack Haha spiders are my one weakness and I believe your only option is to nuke the house. Stay safe my friend.

I would grab matches and hairspray and make a flamethrower and burn your house down. You're screwed.

I live in an apartment with a false widow infestation, cousin species, not as toxic. Good thing they have a really bad eyesight forcing them to stay on their web. Males tend to wander around though. I feel you OP.

Run.

Time to move.

I may not sleep again, and I don't even live there!

3 words. Torch. House. Run.

Nuke the house!!