Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today. I used the restroom at the mall. After I wiped, I went to toss the paper into the toilet. I missed horribly. The wad of TP with poop on it landed on the floor of the next stall. It was occupied. FML
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Top comments
lambda_fml 40
Holy shit!
cakefete2 31
That's extra funny given your profile pic. Btw, do you Noah guy who can fix OP's toilet seat?
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Comments (78)
Anonymous251989 1
Shit happens OP
captainsmegma 12
Come come now tell the truth. You farted and blew the seat off the bowl. Lay off the burritos baby.
tman1985 9
FUS-RO-DAH
zoso008 7
If it slid off immediately how were you already pooping? Do you start pooping in mid sitting position? I call bullshit on that fabricated detail.
sonnyrosa 32
OMG! OP, I'm so sorry, but I am laughing hysterically at this. Tears are pouring down my face as we speak, I'm unable to breathe... that kind of laughter. I hope you're not hurt. But holy shit, that is a funny mental picture.
SgtofHell 8
Unlucky, but plain nasty shit.
Nina825 21
Hehehehhe well look at the bright side.. Shower time?:p
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Must have been a shitty time.
Iamnotfat 16
This actually made me laugh. "stunned and still pooping" you win
Fluckgworl 12
This is the funniest saddest thing I've ever read.
squirrelspop 7
One of the screws on my toilet seat won't stay tight no matter what. If you sit on it "just right" it twists and you fear for your ever-pooping life. FML