Work: Today, I eagerly applied for a high-salary, fully supportive...

By BrokeAF - 22/12/2016 12:21

Today, I eagerly applied for a high-salary, fully supportive graduate program that I qualified for. There were 5 steps in the application process. I was turned down after the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 731

You deserved it 866

Work

Good kid

This Charming Man

Hold frame

By Anonymous - 30/01/2012 09:00 - Australia

Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 344

You deserved it 3 287

Bored

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 02:01

Today, my wife asked me when will my sex drive just stop. I'm only 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 103

By hé merde - 23/02/2014 02:27 - France - Paris

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could check her ass out as she walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 912

You deserved it 4 979

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:27 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I found out my coworker was arrested for beating the crap out of his wife. I gave him a serious pep talk yesterday where I told him to stop taking her shit and start standing up for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 890

You deserved it 5 102

By suckstobeme - 12/04/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163 666

You deserved it 10 696

By Sarah Ellsberry - 13/09/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend and I moved back in after over a month of couch hopping and $2,000 of heat and chemical treatments for a chronic bedbug issue. I just found bedbugs on my legs. We've used all our favors and have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 048

You deserved it 265

By hardwarekit - 31/10/2014 14:27 - United States - Fairport

Today, a customer bought several drill bits. When I asked him, "Do you want a bag for your bits?" he just stared at me uncomfortably, apparently thinking I was trying to come onto him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 533

You deserved it 2 906

By fuck's sake - 16/04/2016 10:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 012

You deserved it 2 068

By Cold - 17/12/2012 05:08 - United States - Richmond

Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 352

You deserved it 3 818

By bbbkingsey - 23/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 778

You deserved it 4 351

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 498

You deserved it 4 263

By Anon_a_mouse - 30/03/2011 19:59 - Reserved

Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 252

You deserved it 3 674

By gr8 - 28/09/2018 17:30

Today, because I had to leave the country without notice and didn't have reception to notify my college, I have been irreversibly dropped from all my classes without a refund and will have to reapply for January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 415

You deserved it 513

Whoops

By Teen - 24/01/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 072

You deserved it 2 975

By RightInTheFace - 12/09/2015 16:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 493

You deserved it 1 870

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 11:29 - Turkey

Today, I was in my hotel room. I picked up an expensive wine from the mini fridge, just to see what it is. I heard a mechanical "bling". I was charged for it. Then, I tried to put it back, only to hear another "bling". I was charged twice for expensive wine that I won't even drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 673

You deserved it 10 899

By Anon - 08/11/2010 18:34 - Singapore

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 967

You deserved it 4 172

By Anonymous - 14/11/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 236

You deserved it 4 637

By ShittyKeys - 06/11/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 376

You deserved it 5 485

Self-fulfilling prophecy

By Dave - 04/10/2012 14:44 - United States

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 831

You deserved it 3 778

By PeeFlavouredFloss - 14/01/2013 03:36 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 314

You deserved it 3 130

By imsorrytimmy - 02/04/2009 15:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 910

You deserved it 114 049

By Anonymous - 06/01/2014 18:59 - South Africa

Today, I realised after showering that I didn't have a towel, so I thought I would risk a naked dash to my brother's room to steal one of his. He and his friend were in the room and both agreed that I needed a "trim". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 266

You deserved it 23 266

By WasntMe - 17/07/2013 23:15 - United States

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 623

You deserved it 18 676

By FireoftheFuture - 02/05/2013 11:02 - United States

Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 901

You deserved it 55 834

By Tasji - 27/07/2009 06:24 - Canada

Today, I sent in a fake story to a website that supports a yearly festival in my small town thinking it would boost their spirits. It was how my boyfriend proposed to me at last year's festival. Now the local news station wants to do a story about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 828

You deserved it 80 878

Memorable presentation

By paul - 02/02/2010 11:25 - France

Today, I had a big meeting. Halfway through my presentation, I sneezed, and continued talking. I get some weird looks from my co-workers, but I didn't understand what they meant. When I finished, I passed by my boss walking to my chair, and he gave me a handkerchief. Why? Snot was all over my tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 243

You deserved it 4 749

By HR nightmare - 02/12/2016 05:20 - United States - Glendale

Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for work anymore. He said no and went crazy. HR and the police are now involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 078

You deserved it 727

By dadsadipshit - 15/02/2013 23:00 - United States

Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 329

You deserved it 3 183

By lebato97 - 09/12/2011 03:35 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 647

You deserved it 80 679

Thanks, I hate it

By MdT - 23/05/2009 11:51 - South Africa

Today, my family returned from a holiday in Egypt. A holiday that I really wanted to spend with them. As if leaving me behind wasn't bad enough, they then made me watch a 200-picture slideshow of how much fun they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 787

You deserved it 3 683

By BeatByA9yrold - 12/04/2014 19:59 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 633

You deserved it 4 661

By My__life___ - 21/05/2014 00:53 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that the built in lighter in my car does NOT in fact glow red when hot. I now have circles burned into my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 395

You deserved it 29 140

Invaded

By Anonymous - 17/08/2020 02:00

Today, I put solar lights in my yard to finally figure out what my dog has been chasing over the fence at night. It's rats. She's been chasing rats that have invaded my backyard every night for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 107

By btg - 06/02/2010 06:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 124

You deserved it 3 510

By Achoo - 15/10/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 837

You deserved it 5 107

By nerdlette - 15/03/2014 19:34 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 062

You deserved it 4 006

By grreeatttt - 31/01/2009 01:57 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I called him around two minutes after that, and he had already fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 352

You deserved it 35 038

By killme - 11/11/2014 17:43 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 887

You deserved it 7 111

By Jo - 26/10/2009 03:14 - United States

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some loser's car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 864

You deserved it 3 049

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Top comments

alvarny 17

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Thursday 29 December 2016 1:10

if it is high salary, fully supportive... I guess the competition must be tough. you probably need to be over qualified than just qualified.

RaylanGivens 14

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Thursday 29 December 2016 1:18

Turned down for what?! I'll see myself out.

chirstinap325 21

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Thursday 29 December 2016 1:04

There'll be other opportunities, OP!

alvarny 17

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Thursday 29 December 2016 1:10

if it is high salary, fully supportive... I guess the competition must be tough. you probably need to be over qualified than just qualified.

RaylanGivens 14

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Thursday 29 December 2016 1:18

Turned down for what?! I'll see myself out.

almost_there44 26

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Thursday 29 December 2016 1:53

Please do.

fakedsincerity 32

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Thursday 29 December 2016 1:57

Would have been funny if not for the overused "I'll see myself out" line.

Lalala579121 27

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Thursday 29 December 2016 3:16

And if not for the overused "turn down for what" joke.

itssnotfunny 24

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Thursday 29 December 2016 1:25

I mean, I guess it's better finding out on the first and not after the 5th so you didn't waste your time.

slapstick1982 19

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Thursday 29 December 2016 2:03

Why do we live in a world where everyone has to give p/c, empathetic replies. What happened to tough love? Maybe just how I was raised

fakedsincerity 32

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Thursday 29 December 2016 2:14

don't worry there are still plenty of assholes insulting people under the guise of "tough love".

InfiniteSunshine 32

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Thursday 29 December 2016 2:20

Because being polite is a bad thing? Did you really just imply that empathy is an undesirable trait? You realize having little or no empathy is a characteristic of anti-social personality disorder, also known as psychopaths and sociopaths. Not giving empathy is a BAD thing. Constant criticism or "tough love," is damaging, it does not raise confident, well-rounded members of society. It lowers self-esteem and makes people feel worthless. People work best when they're comfortable, not when they're on edge. Sorry some people were raised not to be a dick.

almost_there44 26

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Thursday 29 December 2016 2:28

People love throwing "pc" around whenever they don't agree with someone else's ideas/choices. You think you earned something, you're being pc. You think something should be said in such a way that it doesn't offend someone, you're being pc. Just because you were raised differently doesn't mean that everyone else who doesn't think like you, is being pc. And even if someone is, why do you care?

dominikaelisa 10

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Thursday 29 December 2016 8:18

agreed. like wtf everyones so lazy and unambitious these days bc theyre told they are "good enough, intelligent etc"... like bitch work harder

slapstick1982 19

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Thursday 29 December 2016 18:48

So you're saying a fit was thrown? I guess my comment also stems from the "Everyone gets a trophy for participating" mentality. In life there are winners and losers in all aspects. Too much coddling can't be good for development. IMO.

akelly727 0

Friday 30 December 2016 4:06

I'm sure there are lots of assholes out there, including myself, but #10, what about people with fake sincerity, aren't they asshole as well?

iverson17 0

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Thursday 29 December 2016 2:22

If you really think tough love is the best way to go, you can tap the YDI button instead of throwing a fit.

maritime1992 5

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Thursday 29 December 2016 2:13

that's life. we can't get everything that we want.

RaylanGivens 14

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Thursday 29 December 2016 4:42

But if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need.

Cali 54

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Thursday 29 December 2016 6:05

Oh yeah...

PePziNL 20

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Thursday 29 December 2016 2:23

To be honest, I'd rather have that than fail at the 5th step. At least they didnt waste your time!

StarWhoresLover 0

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Thursday 29 December 2016 5:09

I guess they thought you weren't that qualified for it. . .

dominikaelisa 10

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Thursday 29 December 2016 8:14

well someone overestimated themselves, huh

sasquatchius 3

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Thursday 29 December 2016 12:37

I used to screen resumes for a living, for a basic, entry level blue/white collar job (I live in Melbourne Aus - 5m people) you'll see 200-350 applicants. For a job like this there will be 2,000+. The reality is an average joe like you is better off setting your sites lower, you're simply not good enough to be that 1 in 2,000, aim lower, get an entry level job that you like, and can advance in. It won't be high paid, and it may not be in the field you want, but that's okay, a job is better than no job.