Health: Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago... - FML

By mikey - 14/10/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 134

You deserved it 7 035

BO Central

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Dysfunctional

By socreepedouticanteven - 27/10/2014 00:05 - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 444

You deserved it 6 132

By UniqueKay - 15/07/2019 06:06

Today, on our way home, my cousin, step dad and I noticed a man trying to kidnap a young girl. As good citizens, we called the police so they could catch the man. Nine police cars showed up at my house because dispatch told them we were the kidnappers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 18/08/2015 04:09 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my girlfriend of five years broke up with me, saying I've changed and she can't be with someone who's so emotional all the time. Well I'm so sorry that after two weeks, I'm not quite over my brother's death yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 615

You deserved it 1 775

Drunken antics

By DevilsTemptation - 29/08/2019 02:01 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 123

What the…?

By lordoftheweird - 29/07/2021 10:59

Today, because no one else was willing to, I had to explain to my uncle that he's white, that I'm not his grandfather, and that he's mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 62

By ChopSuey - 01/06/2016 04:02 - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 824

You deserved it 1 590

By ronboy - 26/11/2012 23:11 - United States - Columbus

Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 654

You deserved it 2 794

Thanks for nothing

By Somebody - 19/08/2020 17:01

Today, my mother-in-law came over. Probably thinking that the needles in our fridge were steroids, and wanting to do the right thing, she took them to throw them away. I'm diabetic, and they were my insulin. I went into shock after she left and had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 511

You deserved it 123

Restrictions

By TheHam - 05/09/2019 18:00 - Sweden

Today, the school called my dad telling him they want to put me on a diet, because they're worried about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 590

By tony - 24/07/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 402

You deserved it 7 644

By Hypocrisy - 28/09/2011 22:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 611

You deserved it 56 646

By showerpower - 21/01/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 478

You deserved it 34 803

By GeeThanks - 02/05/2017 05:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while making a grand show of his generosity, my boss gave me my own commissions as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 157

You deserved it 269

By ShutUp007 - 22/11/2014 02:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 026

You deserved it 2 432

By Closingwild - 21/07/2012 06:18 - Mexico - Zapopan

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my sister, but they already knew each other from my sister's work. She's an exotic dancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 411

You deserved it 2 670

By scaredshitless - 03/03/2012 13:55 - Finland

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 128

You deserved it 10 692

By oooops - 24/01/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 709

You deserved it 36 214

By notmyfam - 09/09/2016 07:47 - Australia - Chester Hill

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 500

You deserved it 1 025

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 854

You deserved it 9 808

By Unemployed - 17/09/2015 07:14

Today, I found out that after three years of telling my boss our strategy wasn't going to work, that I was right - it didn't work. I also found out that because it didn't work, I lost my job. My boss still has his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 694

You deserved it 1 574

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 925

You deserved it 2 752

By anonymous - 02/07/2013 21:08 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shut in the walk-in freezer at work. I started banging on the door. My boss wouldn't come and open it because she didn't "play games". She thought I was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 501

You deserved it 3 181

By Disappointed - 09/03/2019 18:00

Today, my brother came up with what he thought was a genius idea for how to make money. I then had to explain to him that insurance fraud is illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 273

You deserved it 159

Can't see for shit

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 14:02

Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 209

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 11:23 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 948

You deserved it 6 612

By Anonymous - 18/11/2014 00:56 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 773

You deserved it 35 719

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 11:14 - Netherlands

Today, I was jogging, and I saw a little boy walking. Crying and all alone. Thinking that he was probably lost, I asked to him with my sweetest voice: 'Hi there, did you lose somebody?' He screamed terrified and ran away. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 585

You deserved it 5 769

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 08:45 - Canada - Richmond

Spicy

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 386

You deserved it 16 702

By anonymous - 02/04/2016 04:11 - United States - Westminster

Today, my sister still refuses to pay back all the money she owes me because she once bought me something from the dollar menu at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 907

You deserved it 1 681

Words are hard

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 18:50 - United States - Temperance

Spicy

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 776

You deserved it 3 456

By Username - 09/05/2011 07:38

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 783

You deserved it 3 382

By Cheapo - 27/12/2017 19:00

Today, I gave my friend a $5 VR set that I purchased from the dollar store for Christmas. I received a $60 gift card. Later, I realized I left the receipt in the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 6 085

By RedFace - 05/04/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 089

You deserved it 35 313

Headshot

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 14:01

Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 89

By Ted - 06/06/2019 18:00

Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to fart in front of my boyfriend for the first time. He went quiet, got up and left in his car. I haven't heard from him in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 092

You deserved it 440

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 849

You deserved it 4 456

By rb - 01/05/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 684

You deserved it 3 568

By Workworkwork - 30/04/2019 12:00

Today, I’m trying to scrape $65 together to get the cheapest glasses possible. My partner is equally upset because she wants a Macbook to replace her working laptop. I’m only looking because I’m getting headaches from how old my current lenses are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 032

You deserved it 223

By Like mother like daughter - 24/02/2015 22:25 - United States - Aurora

Spicy

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 374

You deserved it 9 410

By BlazefireSaber - 07/07/2015 03:59 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 420

You deserved it 2 969

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Top comments

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:07

Why would you ever want your man completely hairless? D;

lostforwhatever 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:05

Don't listen to your wife. EVER.

Comments

lostforwhatever 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:05

Don't listen to your wife. EVER.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:07

/slap lostforwhatever

Thawn 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:13

unless she is telling you what's for dinner. never listen to your wife!

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:20

OP dump that chicken head

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:51

hairless fetish.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:54

what the deuce?

megamandude455 10

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:09

>.< ouuch

zerobahamut03 2

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:13

From experience I don't know how you managed to do a full body wax... Just getting my chest and belly waxed hurt like hell. You must have not been that hairy...if so then I don't think it looked that bad thus not needing a full body wax. Slightly hairy can be very sexy. =D If you were Chewbacca hairy then I tip my hat for you Mr. Manly Man for enduring the pain. Whoever said that your hairless body would last for 6 weeks is a liar!!!!

cantfightfate 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:16

your wife likes little boys.

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Friday 15 October 2010 2:18

I think that the correct term would be a ten year old with chicken box

ThatFunnyDude 3

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Monday 29 August 2011 20:43

this is kfc now ^

ThatFunnyDude 3

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Monday 29 August 2011 20:43

this is kfc now ^

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:07

Why would you ever want your man completely hairless? D;

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:30

Agreed. I'm trying to imagine a completely hairless man, but it just creeps me out.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:59

to look more like those idiots on Twilight.

cantfightfate 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:17

lol amen somagirl.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:21

You can't really use "man" and "completely hairless" together. it just doesn't work. It's like saying hockey and African American. See, doesn't make any sense.

Thawn 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 18:24

nerds like me barely even shave. it just is a waste of time that could be much better spent gaming!

T1A2Z3 34

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Friday 23 March 2018 14:22

Why wouldn't you? Hair is itchy and uncomfortable and getting it in your mouth is awful.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:16

Ydi dont be bitch whipped.

christina_bina 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:16

ouch ouch ouch...

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:19

Well, this is the downfall of waxing. However, you probably should've asked/researched all about it beforehand. But, you chose to do it, so you'll have to live/deal with it the way any one else who choses to wax does.

Mister_Grinch 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:35

This Kitteh like Cinn. :)

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Friday 15 October 2010 2:33

you get ingrown hairs from that? o.o

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:20

Including genitalia? Isn't that painful?

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:50

And yet a large number of men seem to think that women should be practically required to wax down there...

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Friday 15 October 2010 2:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Friday 15 October 2010 11:07

Good luck in life with that attitude, deformedsurf. I imagine a lot of girls would cause you severe pain if you said that to their faces. Do you really want the full explanation of why you are wrong, or are you capable of using the internet to find out on your own?

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Friday 18 March 2011 12:02

^ lol, I like you :)

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:20

YDI, manscaping is one thing but a full body wax? I'm pretty sure you typo'd "wife" and meant boyfriend.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:20

the only time and body a man should wax is his back if it's ferocisly hairy. othen than that your wife's mean. sorry about the ingown hairs.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:23

You can't call the wife mean for having a different preference. She's only mean if she forced the OP to do it, but he just says she suggested it.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:21

Tats nothing! Try getting waxed all over n having an allergic reaction to it.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:25

exfoliate better sir.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 17

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 147

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 101