Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML
Today, I decided to get back into exercising and healthy eating. Why? So I can hopefully look good enough to do porn and make some money. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML
Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML
Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML
Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML
Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML
Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML
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Top comments
texmas 0
See, this is why you will die alone. Not because you're overweight, or because you don't have a job- though, those things certainly don't help. But because you have no ambition, no aspirations, no hopes, no desires, no drive. As a woman, I can definitively say that there is nothing less attractive than self-imposed hopelessness. That sort of depression is absolutely contagious. I'm sure you have positive traits, but this post has officially labeled you as the worst sort of loser: a boring loser with no desire to change that.
fredrikleijon 4
Google is your friend
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Comments (76)
Ginjar420 0
OK well it's like a ***** so why not. But don't be so down on yourself you just need a job, and make sure you have your own apartment. The loosing weight dont worry shallow people aren't worth it =]
cr3stf4ll3n 0
I just would like to educate #23, theflyingmouth, on Natural Selection. Natural Selection is comprised of MAINLY animals BESIDES humans dying off so that the "lucky" ones manage to survive. If I have a gene for 50% muscle growth and you only have a gene for 45% muscle growth, I have a HIGHER RATE of survival. Humans , however, do not conform to "natural selection," they conform more to societial selection. It's not a starving child's fault that they live in poverty. This is why Societal Darwinism showed a decline. Basically, you can't tell on the Internet if the poster is a "loser" or not. If he is, then every poor person that is dying because of no vaccinations, poverty, poor world hygeine, is dying of their own fault.
Shafreeka 8
Amen to that.
juwalo09 0
wow, how gay
ms_fancypants 15
How happy? This FML sounds pathetic at best, and depressing at worst, so I would say you're wrong there. Unless you meant homosexual, in which case, you are, again, wrong, as the OP is clearly a man who had to buy a fleshlight to satisfy himself.. Please grow up and find a different descriptive word, maybe, "how stupid" or "how pathetic" or "how repugnant". Just some suggestions.
threer 30
#69, I hate to read your pseudointellectual condescending drivel. It's worse than #29's stupid ass comment.
prospekt1 0
those are pretty cool
prospekt1 0
wait, i thought u all were talking about one of those lights that kills germs and shit that gets caught in it. those are cool and fun to play with. antpiles will improve ur kill ratio
big_max 0
not flashlight, fleshlight... the sex toy for those who can't have the real deal
xKIMMYx 0
i agree with @9 12468853259 %
V1r7ual 0
There's one word for people like #9 and #23 who are really full of themselves and who can't be happy without showing how awesome they think they are: Dickheads.
corran006 0
9... wow what a bitchy post.
MajorLeagueBadas 0
OMG for a second there i thought i wrote this fat no job no monney and a flesh light lol