Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML
Today, I decided to get back into exercising and healthy eating. Why? So I can hopefully look good enough to do porn and make some money. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML
Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML
Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML
Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML
Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML
Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML
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Top comments
texmas 0
See, this is why you will die alone. Not because you're overweight, or because you don't have a job- though, those things certainly don't help. But because you have no ambition, no aspirations, no hopes, no desires, no drive. As a woman, I can definitively say that there is nothing less attractive than self-imposed hopelessness. That sort of depression is absolutely contagious. I'm sure you have positive traits, but this post has officially labeled you as the worst sort of loser: a boring loser with no desire to change that.
fredrikleijon 4
Google is your friend
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Comments (76)
SnifflyG 9
ok #9 and whoever thinks shes right. u r all losers with nothing better to do than be a troll. its not ur kind of guy because NO ONE ur kind of guy. ur a bitch and no one will ever like you. go make me a samich
emodude44 0
Thats called giving up. Good job! You just gave up! Guess where your going? NOWHERE!
Sashawolf88 0
well shows what you really care about in life
whohasanaccount 2
Money well spent
mets300 8
A flesh what?
Cwhite118 6
This made me day! Lol I know the feel buddy
sayyestothedress 24
What's a Fleahlight?
FEARxTH3xWOLF 14
why buy one when you can use a beehive
X_KassidyRose_X 12
I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me.
Brindilles 14
If that's what floats your boat, then own it bruh