Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML
Today, I decided to get back into exercising and healthy eating. Why? So I can hopefully look good enough to do porn and make some money. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML
Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML
Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML
Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML
Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML
Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML
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Top comments
texmas 0
See, this is why you will die alone. Not because you're overweight, or because you don't have a job- though, those things certainly don't help. But because you have no ambition, no aspirations, no hopes, no desires, no drive. As a woman, I can definitively say that there is nothing less attractive than self-imposed hopelessness. That sort of depression is absolutely contagious. I'm sure you have positive traits, but this post has officially labeled you as the worst sort of loser: a boring loser with no desire to change that.
fredrikleijon 4
Google is your friend
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Comments (76)
PinkNekoLelu 0
Perhaps you should see a counselor? It sounds like you are depressed.
Adovock 6
He's depressed because he can't get laid. It happens to a lot of guys. :/
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
I learned about that when I was twelve or thirteen... Although I don't really... Give a shit about it much. xD
wesurfeveryday 0
number 14 i agree. but why should he stop smoking pot??!!
jo0owe 9
amen xD
MukyDaCookie 0
Zach and Miri make a porno anyone?
gofriars 0
I was like you once. I even dropped out of college because of it. But then a girl told me the blunt truth like #9 on here and I got motivated. I now own a home which I bought last year at the ripe old age of 21, have a great job, and several attractive girls I've dated. Now, I wasn't fat, so you got that going against you, but I'm sure you can do it, too.
fuckkkkk_fml 0
stop feeling sorry for yourself
jd254 2
texmas or #9, way to kick him when he's down. sounds like you're talking from experience though, but still not a reason shit all over him like that. he didn't do anything to u.
theflyingmouth 0
#22, he's now "down" right now, he's just pathetic. He has no place ******* women unless he gets sterilized first. The whole point of natural selection is to remove these useless people from the world.
Dylan94_fml 8
you're a ******* asshole, people like you really piss me off going around thinking you're better than everyone else! you have no idea what type of person the OP is so stop saying shit about them and get a life! your shit stinks just like everyone elses
scarlettblondii 7
You dont sterilize people. Everyone here is equal and you have no right to steal their natural abilities so **** off, your no better than OP.
evanohevan 5
in some ways I agree with #22. and actually we do know what the OP is like he describes himself in the FML. I have been depressed and lonely but I have no sympathy for people who take no steps to better themselves or their circumstances. OP is quite pathetic. that being said I do hope OP turns things around.
HteaXtrainC 0
WOW. I've lived the fat life, bro. It's just not worth it. haha. It's soooo much better when you don't have to struggle to breathe and fight that lethargic state when waking up in the morning. The ladies like me better, too. ahaha.
Ginjar420 0
uhm one that doesnt wash you mean