Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML
Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML
Today, while stocking the shelves, a customer demanded I ring up his stuff. I’m not a cashier and therefore don’t have a login code to do so, so I told him as such. He then pulled out a knife and threatened to stab me if I didn’t ring him up. I’m currently writing this from the ER. FML
Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML
Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML
Today, when I got up for work, I went into the bathroom and saw a coat hanger sitting in the crack of the window. I had a panic attack, thinking someone had tried to break in and grabbed a knife. I ran into the room where my boyfriend was sleeping and he said he put it there. FML
Today, someone tried to rob my boss's store and I had a knife held to my neck. That’s not the FML. The FML is that, for some reason, it excited me and I got a boner. The thief told me I was all kinds of messed up and left without stealing anything. My god, I’m some kind of freak. FML
Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML
Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML
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Top comments
KK3137 31
Well that's not knife..
br0ccoli 15
If your gut told you he's dangerous, your paranoia might actually be true. I feel like people's gut feeling is THE 6th sense an not listening will screw you over, especially of he minces onions angrily.
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Comments (92)
bazingabitches 17
Who the fork said it was supposed to be knife?!
daydreamer244 13
Maybe it's time for a career change?
SuperGirlTaDa 15
Lol I do that, with more than one thing. If I'm driving and someone is driving dangerously near me, I think of ways I can avoid being hit.
ucoolgirl31 20
Happens to me after watching a marathon of csi, ncis, etc.
blakeford 5
Lol. I walk in rooms and think of ways to stop any attacks. Or to kill them if I have to. I probably play too many video games.Don't go all Rambo on them k tiger. Stop playing mw3. k crazy. lol Jk.
Thehobbitlass 0
I think yours is pretty normal. I mean, I cannot sleep without holding something sharp underneath my pillow and checking the locks at least 5 times. I momentarily panic when going up and down the stairs. I try to avoid being in public places. My paranoia pretty much ***** up my entire life