Love: Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

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BO Central

Taking stock

Instadrama

By joolsie - United Kingdom - York

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session. My girlfriend texted me during the exchange, asking what I wanted for Christmas. I accidentally texted my trainer, "All I want are your sweet titties in my face". I'm awaiting a response. FML

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By rejected - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, I thought I was finally over my anxiety problem, and confidently went to my first ever job interview. Halfway through, the manager tells me that if I didn't stop being so nervous, he couldn't give me the job. I cried. FML

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By notatherapist - Netherlands - Huizen

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

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By luvlessbootycall - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

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By JohnMackSquirts - United States

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

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By Anonymous

Corolla Conspiracy

Today, I was talking to one of the advisors at my job about how almost everyone in the workplace who owns a Toyota has strangely been in some sort of car accident in the last year. I happen to have a Toyota. Guess who was rear-ended at an intersection after leaving work. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

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By say no to indoctrination - 22/8/2020 20:02 - United States

Indoctrination

Today, I was called everything from a communist to a nazi to a national traitor for suggesting that kids shouldn’t be forced to recite the pledge of allegiance at school until they’re old enough to truly understand what it means. Someone even threatened to kick my ass for speaking up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from the Hollister manager yelling at me for not showing up for work that night. I was never informed I got the job. I missed my first day of work. FML

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By I'm_Not_Interested - United States - Reno

Today, I found out the only reason why a friend of mine even bothered talking to me. He thought that I'd sleep with him if he was nice enough. FML

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By birchbeer - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

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By guest - United States

Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML

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By theunborn - France - Vic-fezensac

Today, my parents made a list of all the things they could have done had I not been born. FML

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By nickw177 - United States

Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML

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By Lyingboyfriend - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said he couldn't come to my grandfather's funeral because he was at his cottage and couldn't make it. Later that day, when driving home from the graveyard I saw him walking down the street, with another girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

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By None - United States

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

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By GirlishMan1883897 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

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By soljaboy - United States

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

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By ColdStones - Norway - Bergen

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my virus protection program now has a virus. FML

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By dumbgirl4lyf - Ireland - Monaghan

Today, I finally realized how stupid I am, when I answered a question correctly in class and my teacher started clapping and cheering. FML

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By haha247 - United States

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

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By SingleStrongArm - Canada - Oshawa

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

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By anon - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend had cheated on me. She told me that it was my fault for not straightening my hair, and for gaining a few pounds. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML

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By Ariel - 5/10/2020 10:02

Zeitgeist

Today, my dishes smelled so perfume-y after going through the dishwasher and a clean glass of water tasted soapy. I checked the pods my husband bought and loaded into the dishwasher to make sure we never got that brand again. They were laundry detergent pods. I was essentially a millennial eating a Tide Pod. FML

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By nudesurprise - United States

Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the person sending me secret love letters was actually my dad, who felt sorry for me. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

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By Ismellbacon - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me a lazy pig. To prove her wrong, I decided to go lift some weights. A few reps in, my arm cracked and my first reaction was to squeal like a pig. FML

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By Crypticbeerbelly

Today, I was reading a recipe list on my tablet. I moved a little, and one of my fat rolls came into contact with a button which closed the tab. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed my house smells a lot like my grandma's. Not because we use the same cleaning products or anything like that, but because I'm slowly turning into a crazy cat lady. FML

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By mrnikc - United States

Knowledge is power

Today, my mother told me the sun was the largest planet in the solar system. When I told her it was a star, she accused me of lying. We had to bring Google into this. FML

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By EmmaG123 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

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By mortenp - United States

Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML

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By sadsenior - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

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Top comments

By Chowi_fml | 0

#297364 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:07

High school boyfriends... a waste of time.

By iris85_fml | 0

#297348 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:04

hahahahaha

COMMENTS

By iris85_fml | 0

#297348 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:04

hahahahaha

Reply

hahaohwell | 0

#993830 - Saturday 15 May 2010 5:10

i agree HAHAHAHA

Reply

Aero_boy | 4

#1086252 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 21:38

I agree, but damn.. did you have him in a concentration camp or something?

Reply

nirvanafan980 | 0

#1207283 - Sunday 8 August 2010 9:59

lmfao the girl probably wasn't random

Reply

ZTB13 | 4

#1690354 - Friday 12 November 2010 22:42

Should have one up'ed him... Stand up yell INDEPENDENCE!!!! Ran over to the football team and had a gangbang right there in the high school cafeteria...

I like to think outside the box :)

Reply

GiddywithGlee43 | 9

#6256577 - Wednesday 8 April 2015 18:32

they were both boys

Reply

danimal_crackerz | 26

#6392288 - Tuesday 25 August 2015 13:01

You.. I like you

By hypothetically | 0

#297349 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:04

Meh. Not worth your time.

Reply

Blacksabbath211 | 9

#1690511 - Saturday 13 November 2010 0:10

how? this guy is my new hero hahaha

By lazylacey | 0

#297357 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:05

lmao! hilarious!

By Lindsay46789 | 0

#297362 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:07

If you were expecting it, why not dump him first? I take expecting as that you couldn't have been too happy to be with him either.

Reply

bleedforMayheM | 0

#981444 - Sunday 18 April 2010 17:34

too clingy

Reply

yousodi | 8

#3065450 - Monday 8 August 2011 18:38

The pre emptive break up good one lol ive got hand!!

By Chowi_fml | 0

#297364 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:07

High school boyfriends... a waste of time.

Reply

waimcyked10 | 4

#980356 - Friday 16 April 2010 13:40

completely agree.

By Vasir | 2

#297366 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:07

You deserved it for picking asshole boyfriends. Or maybe you just sucked alot.

Reply

pattyrick4321 | 0

#3166061 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:06

if she sucked alot, wht guy would bread up with her..?

:D

Reply

RadioOctopus | 16

#4092962 - Sunday 26 February 2012 21:27

MMM bread

Reply

3mILY_maRy629 | 11

#5539261 - Monday 17 June 2013 18:47

Actually it says that OP is a guy.

By shakenbake93 | 0

#297375 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:09

He's the one who made an ass of himself.

Reply

LuckyMeeeeee | 0

#1586009 - Friday 22 October 2010 14:17

Agreed.

By mad_molly | 0

#297378 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:09

shoulda got there first! Though he'd probably still do that anyway :P

By genius_man16 | 0

#297385 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:10

ahahahahahahahahaha

that guy rules.

By Jord111222333 | 0

#297386 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:10

Ahh. Women always need at least one bad "man" to become stronger inside. You may have worse later on! FYL

Reply

skyregit | 0

#473990 - Monday 10 August 2009 11:24

um... the OP is a man

Reply

noliver_fml | 0

#1091740 - Thursday 15 July 2010 0:30

And his boyfriend kissed a girl when he ran away.
So either he made his gay bf straight, or this is totally fake

Reply

sarabraun8 | 7

#1792366 - Saturday 4 December 2010 15:10

how do uk the op is a man

Reply

imHighoffLife | 0

#4893648 - Tuesday 4 September 2012 4:35

It shows it?

Reply

regenerate | 19

#5900510 - Sunday 30 March 2014 21:30

or the op's boyfriend could be bisexual.