Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

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Understandable

Family values

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - United States - Athens

Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML

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By Embarassed - United Kingdom

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

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By justno - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

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By singlemam - United States - Akron

Today, while at the park, my 3 year-old ran up to a lady, grabbed her chest and loudly asked, "Are these your breasts? Are they private on you too?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND...!" FML

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By shaggyberaddy

Christmas Chaos

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

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By giantsfan2010 - United States

Today, after working and saving up money for an entire year, I bought a 2001 VW Cabrio. I showed it to my friends, they all laughed at me and told me it was a girl's car. FML

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By loser

Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML

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By Oops - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him, so I got his attention and made my orgasm face when I thought no one was looking. His thirteen year-old cousin saw and now bursts out laughing whenever he sees me. FML

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By ouchbrow - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jeromesville

Today, a friend invited me to christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there she told me her and her husband forgot they had another dinner to go to and asked if I would watch their kids for them. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door. FML

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By trp007 - United States - New Castle

Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML

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By Bummed

Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML

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By wo-ow - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

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By thanksmom - United States

Today, my mom paid $40 for overnight shipping on delivery of paint for my Art major dropout sister, but insists on making me wait two weeks for my diabetes medication. FML

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By dishwasherforlife - United States

Today, I filled out a 'perfect job placement' test, where you put down your skills, experience and education level and then it finds you jobs based on your abilities and areas of knowledge. No lie, the most compatible job they found for me was 'Dishwasher'. FML

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By jaymash - United States

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

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By pyook

My Bucket

Today, my college class has a strict rule that ANY absence, even if it's because you're sick and have a doctor's note, will drop your grade a letter grade. I have a chronic illness. Today is the second time in the first two weeks that I've had to show up to class with a bucket. FML

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By MarkQ95 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

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By hockey - United Kingdom

Today, I left my new iphone in a taxi I was sharing with a friend. Apparently when I got out she looked at it, told the driver some one had left it and gave it to him. FML

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By faglypoog

Today, my $200 drone malfunctioned and wouldn't stop. For fifteen minutes I followed it on my bike until it finally disappeared. On the way back I was pulled over for not wearing a helmet. FML

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By bride - United States

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

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By CorpseBride - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, and my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse!" He laughed his head off and I died a little inside. FML

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By Twiddle - Canada

Today, my boyfriend invited me for dinner to meet his parents. Turns out his stepmother is my gynecologist. FML

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By wellhellothere - United States

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm. Not only was it 30 degrees outside, but I was in the shower. FML

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By sasquatch - United States - Katonah

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML

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By Cuzles - United States

Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML

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By fed up/turned off - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

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By Lovers lost...

Today, my crush won the bet that I made with him yesterday. The bet? That he couldn't land a date by the end of the day. Not only am I down $10, but a possible boyfriend too. FML

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By HelpPlease - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. Midway through the speech I'd prepared, I fainted and hit my head against a wall. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML

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By fuckmyjob - United States - Lake Charles

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

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By Michelle - United States

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

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By camille - United States

Today, my dad yelled for me. It was an emergency. I ran down the stairs, tripped, fell, and limped over to my dad only to find that he wanted me to see a video of someone playing "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the ukulele. FML

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By Bathroom Problems - France

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Vallejo

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

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By MakesMeLol - Ireland

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

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Top comments

By Chowi_fml | 0

#297364 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:07

High school boyfriends... a waste of time.

By iris85_fml | 0

#297348 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:04

hahahahaha

COMMENTS

By iris85_fml | 0

#297348 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:04

hahahahaha

Reply

hahaohwell | 0

#993830 - Saturday 15 May 2010 5:10

i agree HAHAHAHA

Reply

Aero_boy | 4

#1086252 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 21:38

I agree, but damn.. did you have him in a concentration camp or something?

Reply

nirvanafan980 | 0

#1207283 - Sunday 8 August 2010 9:59

lmfao the girl probably wasn't random

Reply

ZTB13 | 4

#1690354 - Friday 12 November 2010 22:42

Should have one up'ed him... Stand up yell INDEPENDENCE!!!! Ran over to the football team and had a gangbang right there in the high school cafeteria...

I like to think outside the box :)

Reply

GiddywithGlee43 | 9

#6256577 - Wednesday 8 April 2015 18:32

they were both boys

Reply

danimal_crackerz | 26

#6392288 - Tuesday 25 August 2015 13:01

You.. I like you

By hypothetically | 0

#297349 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:04

Meh. Not worth your time.

Reply

Blacksabbath211 | 9

#1690511 - Saturday 13 November 2010 0:10

how? this guy is my new hero hahaha

By lazylacey | 0

#297357 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:05

lmao! hilarious!

By Lindsay46789 | 0

#297362 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:07

If you were expecting it, why not dump him first? I take expecting as that you couldn't have been too happy to be with him either.

Reply

bleedforMayheM | 0

#981444 - Sunday 18 April 2010 17:34

too clingy

Reply

yousodi | 8

#3065450 - Monday 8 August 2011 18:38

The pre emptive break up good one lol ive got hand!!

By Chowi_fml | 0

#297364 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:07

High school boyfriends... a waste of time.

Reply

waimcyked10 | 4

#980356 - Friday 16 April 2010 13:40

completely agree.

By Vasir | 2

#297366 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:07

You deserved it for picking asshole boyfriends. Or maybe you just sucked alot.

Reply

pattyrick4321 | 0

#3166061 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:06

if she sucked alot, wht guy would bread up with her..?

:D

Reply

RadioOctopus | 16

#4092962 - Sunday 26 February 2012 21:27

MMM bread

Reply

3mILY_maRy629 | 11

#5539261 - Monday 17 June 2013 18:47

Actually it says that OP is a guy.

By shakenbake93 | 0

#297375 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:09

He's the one who made an ass of himself.

Reply

LuckyMeeeeee | 0

#1586009 - Friday 22 October 2010 14:17

Agreed.

By mad_molly | 0

#297378 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:09

shoulda got there first! Though he'd probably still do that anyway :P

By genius_man16 | 0

#297385 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:10

ahahahahahahahahaha

that guy rules.

By Jord111222333 | 0

#297386 - Friday 12 June 2009 16:10

Ahh. Women always need at least one bad "man" to become stronger inside. You may have worse later on! FYL

Reply

skyregit | 0

#473990 - Monday 10 August 2009 11:24

um... the OP is a man

Reply

noliver_fml | 0

#1091740 - Thursday 15 July 2010 0:30

And his boyfriend kissed a girl when he ran away.
So either he made his gay bf straight, or this is totally fake

Reply

sarabraun8 | 7

#1792366 - Saturday 4 December 2010 15:10

how do uk the op is a man

Reply

imHighoffLife | 0

#4893648 - Tuesday 4 September 2012 4:35

It shows it?

Reply

regenerate | 19

#5900510 - Sunday 30 March 2014 21:30

or the op's boyfriend could be bisexual.