Today, it's my 25th birthday. I closed at work, not one person...

By alone in ND

Today, it's my 25th birthday. I closed at work, not one person wished me happy birthday, no calls or letters from my family. Even my boyfriend of 3 years didn’t remember. FML

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2094

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Buzzing the tower

Recycling helps

They're everywhere

By SeaSick - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a 1 day cruise to the Bahamas. It happened to be on the same day of the worst sailing conditions. We spent 6 hours throwing up together. Him into the sink, and me into the toilet. We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin's bathroom. FML

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27722

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML

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26604

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By unemployed - United States - The Colony

Today, the store I work at got shut down and I got let go. Three days ago I got a promotion and a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11393

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759

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By nacho - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML

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34985

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4315

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By Anon - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

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43950

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4104

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By loverofstrife - United States

Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML

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31013

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By "Boyufd"

Today, I almost got arrested. The cops put me in handcuffs without searching me first and told me that I "matched" the description of a package thief. Turns out, I didn't even closely fit the description of the suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2457

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120

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By ohyey - Norway

Dead bed

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33097

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7008

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By whydoidothis - United Kingdom

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33453

You deserved it

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By Jessica - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39518

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By cole66 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

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32352

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3131

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a new Ipod to replace my old one which decided to stop working. After purchasing my new nano Ipod, I decided to bang my old Ipod on the desk very hard because it was useless. It started working again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29124

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, I was fired from my job for "lack of work". What that means is that my boss hired his good-for-nothing lazy son, who then got too big of a mortgage, and he had to let me go to pay him a higher salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3882

You deserved it

189

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By Nico - France

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

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46693

You deserved it

3650

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33392

You deserved it

3564

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By maruskasommers - Czech Republic

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36199

You deserved it

2691

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By CathyMary - United States - New York

Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1953

You deserved it

223

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By Anonymous

Today, my social life consists of eavesdropping on my two coworkers chatting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1430

You deserved it

413

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother hugged me for the first time. Turns out he was patting me down to make sure I didn't have cigarettes. Love you too, bro. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22710

You deserved it

2607

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By bitter cherry - United States

Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25045

You deserved it

3715

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By gera3gera - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42711

You deserved it

4086

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By GodMemory_AbsentMind

Today, when paying for gas, I realized I'd forgotten my wallet back home. After a moment of panic, I managed to remember my card number. I paid, blowing the cute cashier's mind, and drove away, before my car started sputtering and slowed to a crawl. I'd used the wrong fuel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3534

You deserved it

4942

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By Etrius - United States - La Grande

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42237

You deserved it

7144

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By lonely. - United States - Buffalo

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27987

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8871

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By Tim - United States

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79752

You deserved it

5990

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By unworthyoflove - 9/6/2020 14:07

Parenting 101

Today, I told my parents that I was going to stop being so hard on myself all the time. They responded by calling me a narcissist. FML

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1270

You deserved it

173

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By me - United States - Floresville

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52435

You deserved it

6913

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By Noname - United States

Today, I came back to my appartment to find that I couldn't watch certain channels on my tv. When I called the tv company I found out my parents had put a 'parental block' on all my favorite channels. Im 22 and rent an appartment with my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

98433

You deserved it

7841

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By trigfail - New Zealand

Today, I failed my trigonometry exam because my scientific calculator was on the wrong setting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19541

You deserved it

46048

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By shiznit - United States

Technique

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33507

You deserved it

4264

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By clecker - Australia

Today, I finally paid off the massive debt on my credit card. I came home only to find that almost everything I owned had been repossessed an hour before I paid the debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37523

You deserved it

12904

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By loveade11 - France

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11675

You deserved it

35341

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By bystander - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

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26667

You deserved it

2876

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By baddream - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Our soul

Today, at my grandmother's funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65842

You deserved it

4724

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By rebeccaremily - Canada

Today, my computer stopped working. Me, the technology challenged one, decided to do a system recovery on it hoping that I could make it better. Turns out, system recovery means deleting all the files off the computer including family photos, music and assignments and starting fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12622

You deserved it

54567

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By anon - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27220

You deserved it

2149

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over 2 years said he wants to get married before he leaves for basic training. Not because he loves me, but because he'll get paid more if he's married. This is the only time he's been excited about marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41724

You deserved it

4940

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By yumx24 - United States

Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45613

You deserved it

15774

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By Anonymous - Canada - Windsor

Today, the guy I like shoved me out of the way so he could talk to another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53790

You deserved it

5131

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By Fiona the Deceived

Baby New Year?

Today, I found out that my birth date was entered incorrectly, and I’ve been believing that I am a year older than I really am. I’m actually 14, not 15. How did this happen? Both my parents and the doctor got the year of my birth wrong. FML

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4241

You deserved it

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Top comments

By TCRII | 29

#7824826 - Thursday 25 July 2019 16:15

Happy birthday

By LostSoul | 19

#7824841 - Thursday 25 July 2019 17:22

Not actually true. Just a statement of how selfish and disconnected we have become. Thank you internet.

COMMENTS

By TCRII | 29

#7824826 - Thursday 25 July 2019 16:15

Happy birthday

By RichardPencil | 29

#7824828 - Thursday 25 July 2019 16:19

That’s a reflection on how you treated people during the previous 364 days.

LostSoul | 19

#7824841 - Thursday 25 July 2019 17:22

Not actually true. Just a statement of how selfish and disconnected we have become. Thank you internet.

RichardPencil | 29

#7824857 - Thursday 25 July 2019 17:50

Neither of us can know for sure.

oakleyoaks | 20

#7845966 - Tuesday 24 September 2019 7:16

I’m actually very kind and hard working at my job. I get praise often form my boss it just so happens that her birthday is the day after mine so I’m often forgotten

By [email protected] | 4

#7824829 - Thursday 25 July 2019 16:30

happy birthday

By Mathalamus | 24

#7824835 - Thursday 25 July 2019 16:52

Birthdays get less important over time, but not that less. Oh well. Not a lot you can do.

By alicelouise66 | 5

#7824855 - Thursday 25 July 2019 17:49

that's why you remind people in advance.

By raven_of_azarath | 32

#7824909 - Thursday 25 July 2019 20:08

My birthday’s heading this way. Both my mom and brother gave me leftover Christmas presents for my birthday (which is in February). My mom gave me the bag and told me it was supposed to be Christmas present, but she couldn’t find it. My brother gave me a book he told me Christmas Day he had ordered but it hadn’t come in yet.

By swagmag | 2

#7824910 - Thursday 25 July 2019 20:13

happy birthday op

By WaywardSaint | 3

#7824977 - Thursday 25 July 2019 23:33

Happy 25th Birthday OP!

By whathaveigotten | 3

#7824999 - Friday 26 July 2019 0:46

Happy birthday Bebe

By childlessmother | 16

#7825050 - Friday 26 July 2019 2:25

Welcome to adulthood