By FML Videos Opportunities ...and just like that, the weekend was over. 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I'm an adult! - United States - Mount Vernon Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I've been moved out for a few years, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML I agree, your life sucks 27411 You deserved it 4427 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By malicemassacre - 21/3/2020 15:00 Capitalism kills Today, the county I live in is quarantined. My boss announced that, "We keep working until the government says they will shoot us if we leave the house.” We work in a call center. Not essential at all. FML I agree, your life sucks 1882 You deserved it 205 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jen - United States Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 7708 You deserved it 27750 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fattie Bon appetit! Today, I'm on a diet. I was compelled to start it when the only pet name my boyfriend could think of for me yesterday was, "My baby elephant." FML I agree, your life sucks 1491 You deserved it 270 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got ice cream with a guy I'd met at a wrestling match a few days ago. When I got home, I found out that my mother had been sitting in the parking lot and watched us through the windows. FML I agree, your life sucks 30215 You deserved it 2800 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MadameM - United States Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML I agree, your life sucks 41983 You deserved it 9641 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By boo8713 - United States - Bell Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML I agree, your life sucks 30358 You deserved it 2849 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By twnty1 - United States Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to band-aids. I now have a band-aid shaped rash around a tiny cut on my leg. Oh the irony. FML I agree, your life sucks 30099 You deserved it 4042 198 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Salem Experimentation Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML I agree, your life sucks 40683 You deserved it 3371 185 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By veggiedude - United States - San Francisco Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML I agree, your life sucks 38618 You deserved it 6584 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while at work, a man came in wearing a very elaborate cowboy ensemble and went to talk to one of my coworkers. Once he left, I asked her how she knew a gay cowboy. She then explained that he's actually a farmer and her husband of ten years. FML I agree, your life sucks 8291 You deserved it 38573 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bmaas - United States Today, I was playing volleyball in gym when I went up for a spike. As I was coming down, I elbowed a girl in the face. It turns she's the second most important lead in our school musical, which we perform on Thursday. Her nose is broken. FML I agree, your life sucks 31772 You deserved it 6061 212 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Creeped_out_n_stuck - United States Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML I agree, your life sucks 46315 You deserved it 3695 197 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Tucson Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML I agree, your life sucks 33045 You deserved it 2474 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By serveandprotectyeahright - United States Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML I agree, your life sucks 47158 You deserved it 4545 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that the landscaping job I started three weeks ago is actually for an illicit business run by a hippie who pissed away the entire payroll to fund his drug habit. He has no way of coughing up the $900 he owes me. I'm broke as hell, and my electricity is now going to get cut off. FML I agree, your life sucks 40974 You deserved it 4556 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out my proposal. The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money. She proposed to me at a subway station first. FML I agree, your life sucks 58741 You deserved it 8972 314 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By montextes - United States Today, my mom finally learned how to text. Now it's her way of communicating, even when we're in the same room. FML I agree, your life sucks 29209 You deserved it 3936 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By omgdesdes - United States - Casselberry Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 39535 You deserved it 5947 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML I agree, your life sucks 21434 You deserved it 5045 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By meltdowninrels - New Zealand - Wellington Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML I agree, your life sucks 49142 You deserved it 5093 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that the gentle, adorable oral surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth last year was recently arrested for rape. FML I agree, your life sucks 36053 You deserved it 2845 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my school is having their homecoming, and it seems everyone but me has someone to go with. My best friend has her boyfriend, my brother has a date, and I have my hamster. FML I agree, your life sucks 30297 You deserved it 6851 193 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Randomm So cute Today, I was walking into my school and I saw two girls kissing. Being a lesbian myself, and thinking it would be cute, I winked at them. I guess one of them had a history of cheating with a girl who looked just like me, because her girlfriend came up and punched me in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 1791 You deserved it 1109 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 99Problemsandfml - Canada - Hamilton Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML I agree, your life sucks 26422 You deserved it 2489 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bl6122 - United States - Lafayette Today, my mom received a condolence card from my high school's alumni association for my recent passing. I'm still alive! FML I agree, your life sucks 9070 You deserved it 683 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fatty Fatty Fatso - United States - Somers Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairs when she counts how many she's putting in for a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML I agree, your life sucks 26580 You deserved it 39009 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was applying for a job at a corporate office. Everything went fine until I hurled all over the manager, who until then seemed to like me. Never eat expired canned tuna on the same day as an interview. FML I agree, your life sucks 8937 You deserved it 34533 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ilminster Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML I agree, your life sucks 38212 You deserved it 9964 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I though it was going to be an intervention. FML I agree, your life sucks 8949 You deserved it 44378 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Wally - Mexico Today, I'm in Mexico and am supposed to be skydiving for my Christmas gift. Instead, I'm coming out of the hospital with x-rays, an ankle splint, and a $800 bill because I fell on the bottom step of a flight of stairs. FML I agree, your life sucks 26864 You deserved it 3967 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dammit... - United States Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML I agree, your life sucks 29171 You deserved it 3659 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ryjacs - United States Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML I agree, your life sucks 32638 You deserved it 2838 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, while on my break at work, my workmates convinced me to perform my "Indian accent" piece. Everyone laughed while I was doing it. Everyone, that is, but my Indian boss. FML I agree, your life sucks 9403 You deserved it 40660 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Van - United States Today, I was at work at Hollywood Video. A guy came in and left without renting anything. Minutes later, I find human feces between the "Kids" and "Comedy" aisles. FML I agree, your life sucks 35431 You deserved it 2286 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dang-ItsDanielle - United States Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML I agree, your life sucks 62240 You deserved it 19346 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Muwz - France - Paris Today, at the beach, I noticed a plastic bag in the water. I wanted to do something good for a change, help protect the environment and get it out. It wasn't a bag; it was a jellyfish. FML I agree, your life sucks 44422 You deserved it 9734 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Momlovesme - United States Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML I agree, your life sucks 60110 You deserved it 17414 204 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, my boyfriend said that we can "maybe have sleepovers" at his house when he FINALLY moves out. He's 24, and we've been dating for 6 years. FML I agree, your life sucks 28359 You deserved it 8051 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML I agree, your life sucks 8780 You deserved it 53476 194 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By EmikoShiriyuki | 26 #7719178 - Monday 5 November 2018 20:36 It's an axolotl! They are so cute and the name is so fun to say Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By TxKitten79 | 10 #7718846 - Monday 5 November 2018 6:07 What kind of animal is that? He's adorable! Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By wanted_2_want | 40 #7718796 - Monday 5 November 2018 2:30 His reflexes are like the professional soccer players when get fouled out Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By TxKitten79 | 10 #7718846 - Monday 5 November 2018 6:07 What kind of animal is that? He's adorable! Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Reply EmikoShiriyuki | 26 #7719178 - Monday 5 November 2018 20:36 It's an axolotl! They are so cute and the name is so fun to say Send a private message 3 0 Reply
Reply sudonym2 | 8 #7719795 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 0:56 It’s an axolotl. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things... I agree, your life sucks 21 You deserved it 31 2 Comments
Today, I'm in love with my best friend, while also being in love with my wife. I know he has feelings for me too. I wish my wife was poly too. FML I agree, your life sucks 113 You deserved it 375 5 Comments