Work: Today, I purchased a box of girl scout cookies from a coworker.... - FML

19/02/2013 01:49 - United States

Today, I purchased a box of girl scout cookies from a coworker. I wanted to save them for later at home, so I placed them on my desk and then headed to a meeting. When I returned, there was an empty box sitting there with a post-it note saying, "Thanks!" Nobody will own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 343

You deserved it 6 323

The mainframe had been haxored

Baker's dozen

Kids are gross

21/12/2012 00:37 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 485

You deserved it 7 057

09/11/2014 18:49 - United States - Springfield

Today, as I was waiting in line at the check out, some guy came up behind me, plucked a hair out of my head, and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 340

You deserved it 2 969

30/10/2013 00:41 - United States - Kent

Today, I got my cats a new scratching post. They completely ignored it and tore apart the new felt on my pool table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 109

You deserved it 5 069

Stabbed!

By Sarah - 19/03/2021 22:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to convince policemen I’m not a victim of domestic abuse after I had to go to hospital for a stab wound for the second time since Xmas. I’m just hopelessly clumsy. I managed to stab myself with a screwdriver while opening a paint tin. Last time, it was a knitting needle while knitting Xmas jumpers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 142

07/11/2016 14:06 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my mother lectured me for not spending enough time with her. We literally just got back from a 10 day vacation together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 670

You deserved it 815

08/08/2015 02:16 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 258

You deserved it 11 293

15/01/2016 10:56

Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 933

You deserved it 2 449

03/11/2011 23:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 813

You deserved it 9 693

04/03/2011 09:22

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 553

You deserved it 2 983

29/11/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people; 17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 003

You deserved it 40 690

20/02/2012 21:19 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 702

You deserved it 4 661

Deception

By Carlah - 17/03/2020 20:30

Today, I found out that the 19-year-old I've been seeing is really 26, with two kids and a pregnant fiancée. I'm only 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 412

17/01/2010 15:58 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 622

You deserved it 2 826

12/06/2012 16:38 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 401

You deserved it 14 489

30/06/2009 23:26 - Bermuda

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 710

You deserved it 4 808

Creepy Uncle Dave

By ScandinaviaBacon - 11/06/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I returned from my year-long vacation to Brazil, having lost a lot of weight and feeling better about my self-confidence. When I met my uncle at the airport, I greeted him with a friendly hug. I was greeted by his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 659

You deserved it 200

Thanks for nothing

By Somebody - 19/08/2020 17:01

Today, my mother-in-law came over. Probably thinking that the needles in our fridge were steroids, and wanting to do the right thing, she took them to throw them away. I'm diabetic, and they were my insulin. I went into shock after she left and had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 510

You deserved it 123

08/08/2009 03:57 - United States

Today, I got a call from my parents' divorce lawyer. When I answered the phone, she thought I was my mother and told me the details about my parent's divorce. I'm a 13-year-old boy who sounds like a woman and just learned that my parents are separating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 731

You deserved it 3 871

12/12/2014 19:52 - United States - Newark

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 826

You deserved it 7 946

22/09/2015 21:54 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 251

You deserved it 1 878

22/03/2011 05:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 371

You deserved it 29 541

The Voice (of the future)

By Sheila - 26/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, my husband was singing while doing the housework. I told him to sign up for The Voice. He took me seriously, and did. Too bad for him, because he sounds like a cat dying in a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 1 578

02/09/2013 20:37 - United States - Mountain Home

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 206

You deserved it 147 521

05/09/2010 14:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 781

You deserved it 4 976

17/02/2012 13:25 - United States

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 501

You deserved it 7 681

16/05/2016 04:48 - United States - Rocky Mount

Today, I had to sit through the wedding of my best friend and the love of my life, and pretend to be happy for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 935

You deserved it 3 343

21/03/2011 01:25 - United States

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 782

You deserved it 54 461

10/01/2015 03:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 473

You deserved it 2 442

03/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I was driving past men working on the side of the road. There was a lot of water pouring down the road and as I slowed down to drive through it, a car sped past me, splashing my entire car. It was only then I realized it was a septic tank leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 590

You deserved it 2 583

Good one

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 206

You deserved it 4 369

30/12/2009 00:30 - United States

Today, I got stuck in a blizzard. My mother never picked me up like she was supposed to, and wasn't answering her phone. After walking around for a half hour, freezing, I finally found her. Where was she? Sitting in Pizza Hut, having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 547

You deserved it 2 351

21/04/2015 02:42 - United States - Lewes

Today, I found out the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out yet is because of my OCD which makes me clean the house every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 976

You deserved it 3 597

30/12/2016 19:04

Today, I got stuck with a water damaged kitchen. The manufactor says their warranty doesn't cover it as it's user error, my insurance says they don't cover it as it's a manufacturer error. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 092

You deserved it 197

17/03/2015 16:25 - United States - Delray Beach

Today, I tried a new hairstyle to impress a guy I like. I was pretty confident, until he took one look at me and said, "Uh... why's there an onion on your head?" So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 165

You deserved it 6 815

May be

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 20:00

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 120

29/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, after breaking my leg, I'm unable to put any weight on it whatsoever. Our bedroom? Upstairs. Our only bathroom? Basement. My husband thought it would be a great idea to leave me alone and unable to walk to go babysit his nieces. I had to piss in a bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 206

20/07/2010 19:01 - United States

Today, I helped my fiancé pack up and head to Texas for a business trip. I'm not only going to miss him, but I'll also miss my car keys that I accidentally left in his car. I drive for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 527

You deserved it 15 505

These boots are made for walking

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 05:01

Spicy

Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 293

27/10/2010 03:00 - United States

Today, I went to the new Walmart to buy a space heater. After dodging cones in the parking lot, and trying to open several doors while employees looked on, I checked the sign, which said "24 hours." I then realized is stated that the grand opening is tomorrow. I'm now sitting in my apartment shivering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 536

You deserved it 26 365

30/10/2018 13:30

Today, while on the bus, I started a conversation with the person next to me. After a little back and forth, she finally said, "Do you think people will stop talking to me if I say I have aids?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 316

You deserved it 663

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Top comments

Zarp 3

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:04

Tip 1: Never leave cookies alone

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:01

Who took the cookie from the cookie jar!

Comments

kickass1stbase 7

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:01

They're just cookies.

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:07

I don't think you understand just how good Girl Scout Cookies are

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:20

Exactly. These cookies are only around once a year and they are worth the wait!

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:22

Girl Scout cookies are only sold once a year. A box is a real treat when I buy one.(:

dontpanic_fml 32

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 12:09

Or how expensive, #6...regardless, what can I steal from you, #1, until it's not "just" something anymore? Tell me my limit.

BellaFurfaro 12

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 12:34

Wrong. They're GIRL SCOUT cookies.

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 15:35

Yum! Girl Scout cookies !!! :)) I'm excited because I bought a box of peanut butter cookies from the girl scouts the other day!! I was a girl scout cookie virgin! I tasted them and they were Ah-maz-ingggggg!!

erockinthesuburb 17

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 15:58

You, my friend, are dead wrong... They weren't 'Just cookies,' they were friggin' Samoas.

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 17:05

#51- Welcome! Those are my favorite as well. I bought a box from a friend recently and being that they only come out once a year, one learns to really cherish them.

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 17:17

55, Noooooooo! Those are my favorite and aren't those the most sold cookies each year? The stores even had ice cream made with three flavors from the girl scout cookies and that was one of them. I wonder if they are doing it this year.

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Wednesday 20 February 2013 3:11

JUST COOKIES?! apparently you've never tasted girl scout cookies, they're like the best cookies ever!! Samoas are my favorite also!

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Wednesday 20 February 2013 3:52

That's like saying "it's just oxygen"! Girl Scout cookies are necessary for modern survival!

Inediblepeaches 15

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Wednesday 20 February 2013 4:58

Thin Mints are better :I

aklm15 14

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Friday 19 July 2013 7:23

Ohhh man. That sucks. At least they weren't thin mints! (Samoa's are my second favorite.)

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:01

Who took the cookie from the cookie jar!

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 15:37

Lookatmygoat took the cookie from cookie jar ....

Zarp 3

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:04

Tip 1: Never leave cookies alone

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:09

C is for cookie, that's good enough for me Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 10:00

Must take 3's advice. After all, he is the Cookie Monster

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 10:44

I'm rather surprised that #3 gives advice like that, since he's the one that should take advantage of people like OP

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 14:47

No, you're a genius and we'd have never even thought of doing such a thing! How did you make that connection?

erockinthesuburb 17

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 15:46

Thanks for the advice, Mr. Monster. By the way, can you tell me your whereabouts on Monday about 11am? :)

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:05

Don't worry, now you're one less box of cookies from reaching obesity, heart failure and obesity.

OhDearBetrayal 25

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:13

You know it's okay to have sweets in moderation. I'm sure if I have a couple cookies today it won't kill me in twenty years, just like how if I don't have a cookie it won't save me in twenty years either.

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 10:23

A little in depth research and you might be surprised... See you in 20 years - or not.

dontpanic_fml 32

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 12:04

But what about obesity?

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 17:59

You said obesity twice.

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Wednesday 20 February 2013 2:31

And one box of girl scout cookies further into loss of faith into humanity, depression, and hunger.

tempermental 19

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:05

maybe you co-worker ate them so you would buy more?

Attica 20

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:08

Next time, leave them out of sight in your desk drawer. The temptation cookies tend to incite is too much for some people. F your cookie-less life, OP :(

maz95 17

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:13

Damn cookie monsters. They're just always around.

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:13

I think you should do the oreo trick, where you replace the white frosting with toothpaste and leave them on your desk. I bet your food wont ever get taken again.

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:15

I guess those Thin Mints were hard to resist! ***Sorry for you. I work with a bunch of food thieves myself.

JR_Goes_Rawr 11

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Tuesday 19 February 2013 9:16

Look for the one with the milk mustache!

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 12

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 414