Transportation: Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever:...

By aaaaahhhh - Australia - Chatswood

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

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Transportation

Serious times

Breaking Badly

The end of the road

By demispark - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I was leaving work when I realized I had forgotten my bag on my desk. As I went back to get it, I overheard my co-workers talking about "last night's office party." I wasn't invited. FML

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By BigBangCheater - United States - Loves Park

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

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By Furry - United Kingdom

Today, I looked outside with a grimace at the very heavy rainfall through which I had to trudge a long way. I waited ten minutes for it to let up, only to find it was getting heavier. So, I started walking anyway. After getting soaked to the bone, I walked through my door, and it stopped. FML

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By scaredy cat - 9/8/2020 14:02

Wuss

Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML

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By sweet pea - Canada - Red Lake

Today, my mom told me she wouldn't be able to leave my middle-aged brother at home for Christmas in order to meet her first grandchild. FML

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By Allergies suck - United States - Westport

Today, I had four separate allergic reactions. The first from the pillow at the hotel I was staying at, the second and third from two separate ice cream parlors due to cross-contamination, and the fourth from peanut dust in the air on the plane ride home from my vacation. FML

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By Oh... - Australia

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

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By Carolyn Dee Humphrey

Today, I found out my friend and I have the same due date and the same baby daddy. It's my boyfriend of 9 years. FML

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By spider-sarah - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out the hard way that if you leave your sheets on the washing line too long, spiders will go and make their new home in them. FML

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By killmenow - United States - Seattle

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

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By Aerostar - United States

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I fainted because of a condition I have. My husband, who was standing right there, failed to catch me because he didn't want to drop his yogurt. FML

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By blocked - United States

Today, I got stuck in a three-hour traffic jam because I sneezed and missed the road I was meant to take. FML

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By ihateseagulls - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "nope", and walked out. FML

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By Just another Dude

Today, I spilled vanilla yogurt on my pants while eating breakfast, but I forgot to clean it up. It left a very conspicuous white stain on my pants, that was there the entire day. I only noticed it when I looked in the mirror after getting home. FML

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By Karie-Rose - United States

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

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By unloved - United Kingdom

Today, my wife changed her name back to her maiden name. Why? So people would stop asking questions about us. We have been married for 15 years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad told me to knock it off with my "stupid gangster walk", saying it made me look like an idiot. I didn't have the balls to admit I'd sharted my pants and was awkwardly waddling to the bathroom to clean myself up. FML

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By momma6126 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law is house hunting in my town. There is a house for sale 2 doors down from me. In her price range. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 17:00

Tense

Today, my dad happened to mention he proposed to his girlfriend I had no idea he was dating. Turns out it's one of my old high school teachers, specifically the bitch who hated me as much as I hated her. My dad is so oblivious, he has no idea WWIII is about to start in our living room. FML

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By Rose - United States - Tenino

Today, I was at the mall with my friend. A lady came up to us and told my friend that she could be a model. Then the lady looked at me and said, "Oh... Nice shoes." FML

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By aru9 - United States

Today, I met an old friend from high school and his hot girlfriend. I jokingly said she must be blind to go out with him. His response: "Yeah, she is." FML

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By Screamslikeagirl - United States - Union City

Today, there must have been a wasp clinging to my front door because when I walked outside, it dropped between my glasses and my face and began stinging me all around my eye. I don't know if my eye is more swollen from the stings or from me repeatedly punching myself in the face. FML

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By smyp - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I was let go from my job, because I "progress too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at". FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2020 08:00

Decisions, decisions

Today, I shoved my tits in my boyfriend's face and he chose to continue playing Minecraft. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

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By dreamteam - United States

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Omaha

Creepypasta

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple of stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I offered to let my niece and brother stay at my apartment, as my brother was going through a rough divorce and had lost his job. After coming home from work, I found my niece had snapped all of my pencils and had ruined over ten years worth of artwork. FML

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By JessThompson - Canada - Hamilton

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom tried to get me to shoplift. From the dollar store. FML

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By anonymous

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal, my son had pooped in the school yard then gave the teacher a ziploc bag and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

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By TheOtherWoman - United Kingdom - Weston-super-mare

Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

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By I Feel Horrible - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

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By ShouldIHelpIt - United States - Northampton

Today, I woke up to hear dripping water in the kitchen. Thinking it was someone getting a glass of water or something, I came out to find that it was just a mouse drowning in my dog's water bowl. FML

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By fat - United States - Lancaster

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#5437437 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:18

Lesson 2: Brakes.

By Wizardo | 33

#5437432 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:17

Be glad it wasn't on the motorway and it wasn't serious...

COMMENTS

By Sinamoi | 18

#5437425 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:14

On the bright side, you're not hoofing it home.

wldd0g | 9

#5437486 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:41

Those brake lines are part of the success of the trip. Doesn't matter how far you get if you can't finish. Just ask the people who make cakes.

sirpantselot | 22

#5439614 - Monday 8 April 2013 6:25

Or rather, on the bright side, you're no longer in Sydney :D

yoyoforpeace | 14

#5439615 - Monday 8 April 2013 6:26

How do you crash into a drive way?...

thefmlman2011 | 35

#6324880 - Friday 19 June 2015 9:01

#69, i like Sydney. mainly because its so culturally friendly.

By Dark__Angel66 | 24

#5437427 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:16

At least you made it that far without crashing. Hope there wasn't too much damage!

zandalee | 19

#5438040 - Sunday 7 April 2013 2:55

It's actually more common to have accidents within 500 meters of your home, than anywhere else. I guess you relax more close to or in the driveway... :)

By pbonham | 22

#5437430 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:16

Just think, it could be worse....

By Wizardo | 33

#5437432 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:17

Be glad it wasn't on the motorway and it wasn't serious...

By perdix | 29

#5437437 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:18

Lesson 2: Brakes.

By kurodansei | 16

#5437438 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:19

10 for the dismount and execution.... 3 for the landing.

By Linkerdoodles | 15

#5437441 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:20

Story of my life OP. :l At least you didn't end up a skid mark and scraps of metal wrapped around a tree.

FightMyLiger | 19

#5437890 - Saturday 6 April 2013 23:17

I bet there was a skid mark left somewhere.

By CaptainBlack | 18

#5437447 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:24

I actually did a similar thing. Took a 130 mile trip, ended up skidding into a curb within walking distance of my house. At least you didn't need to figure out how to get home without a car!

By seriouscat | 11

#5437452 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:27

Gold star for you! You tried!

By TwinChapter | 15

#5437459 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:29

At least you won't get sued for crashing in your driveway!