Transportation: Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever:... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 66

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 34

06/04/2013 08:51

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 761

You deserved it 7 506

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Own it

Near the knuckle

Hey, where's my bonus?!

By moderndante - 11/09/2019 16:00

Today, my co-worker received a $1,000 bonus for a project that I do all the work on. My direct supervisor thought that I was an assistant. I send him an e-mail copy of the project every week, and have done so for the past six months. I was later reprimanded for not congratulating my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 95

17/03/2010 12:48

Spicy

Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 035

You deserved it 28 651

27/12/2009 22:25

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 040

You deserved it 14 319

09/10/2012 05:53

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 118

You deserved it 4 049

Gentle

By Ash_The_Unicorn - 20/08/2020 14:05

Today, after losing my father a little over 6 months ago, and finally feeling comfortable talking to my fiancé (who lives with me and my family) about it, my mother forced her way into the room and started yelling at me for crying. Her excuse, "It’s after your bedtime." I’m 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 422

Sounds like a catch

By Theresa - 26/10/2020 13:55

Today, my ex called and said he still loved me. I said I’d move across the country to be with him. Then he said we could live in his dad’s house, so I can protect him from his sister’s best friend, who gave him chlamydia. At the end of call, he said he’s seeing someone and he likes her because she buys him gifts and food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 350

26/07/2015 04:38

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 389

You deserved it 2 803

23/08/2011 02:03

Today, due to a misunderstanding, I unintentionally agreed to have a dinner date with a co-worker. He's ten years older than me. Not only do I have to find a way to reject him, but I have to work with him on weekends. The worst part is, he's the first guy to ask me out in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 840

You deserved it 6 526

13/10/2013 21:20

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 011

You deserved it 13 745

02/07/2012 07:23

Today, I had my end of year physics exam. I wasn't sure about some stuff, so I hid my notes and textbook in the bathroom. Halfway through, I got up, went to the bathroom, and as soon as I picked up the book, forgot what I was looking for. I can't even cheat right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 763

You deserved it 53 252

15/07/2011 04:53

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 605

You deserved it 9 938

22/06/2016 05:15

Today, I was trying to seduce a really good-looking girl, when all of a sudden she leaned in towards me and said, “Sorry, I’m not drunk enough to make out with you.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 672

You deserved it 3 361

02/09/2014 23:38

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 632

You deserved it 3 102

10/01/2012 06:04

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 085

You deserved it 21 481

Late arrival

By Nikki Lynn Richardson - 18/05/2020 02:00

Today, I went to the store to go buy a pregnancy test because my period was 7 days late. I get home, go into the bathroom, pull down my underwear, pee and come to find out I'd started my period when I looked at it after peeing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 291

19/08/2012 05:51

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 433

You deserved it 4 340

07/05/2009 23:43

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 152

You deserved it 7 104

I am sorry

By Anonymous - 30/12/2019 18:00

Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 857

You deserved it 177

23/02/2019 14:00

Today, I went to get a haircut. I have a pretty bad case of dandruff, so whenever I get one, a lot of it shows. My hairstylist called to her nearby friend twice, then looked at my hair and said, "Blech" under her breath. I got glares when I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 418

27/11/2008 12:34

Today, during a lunch I said "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on!". One of the men present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman". Which was also the case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 462

You deserved it 10 067

Unexpected

By Matt988 - 22/03/2021 23:00

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 236

30/05/2011 03:27

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 453

You deserved it 3 763

03/02/2009 19:34

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 101

You deserved it 8 486

10/05/2016 22:42

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 728

You deserved it 1 489

16/07/2012 04:08

Today, while at work, a lady with a mustache came in and told me she was lost. I was happy to help, but could not stop rubbing my nose due to allergies. As she left she said, "I know I have a mustache you little ass" and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 741

You deserved it 2 923

13/11/2009 06:35

Today, I was walking to the parking lot from class while texting. When I looked up as I approached my parking spot, I noticed the words "F*ck you Dave" keyed into my car. Hi, my name is Clare. Who's Dave? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 358

You deserved it 2 243

25/11/2013 17:38

Spicy

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 750

You deserved it 19 266

The Good Fight

By cacheson - 05/06/2020 23:00

Today, my husband and roommate went out to protest for the second day in a row. I have an anxiety disorder, so I can't go. I’m just stuck here watching videos of the fires and violence, wondering if they will even come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 1 037

Deadbeat

By stepdaddydoesitbetteranyway - 13/10/2020 20:05

Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our 2, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 122

10/12/2009 09:29

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 310

You deserved it 36 716

15/03/2013 22:43

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 670

You deserved it 3 410

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 470

31/10/2011 06:57

Spicy

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 494

You deserved it 3 904

22/02/2011 14:28

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill". He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 961

You deserved it 4 088

17/07/2013 05:22

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 985

You deserved it 3 620

09/11/2013 13:20

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 377

You deserved it 3 549

06/04/2009 11:47

Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its' head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 669

You deserved it 52 078

06/05/2017 04:00

Today, I was sitting at a lunch table with some of my coworkers when one of them decided to put out his cigarette on the table and missed. I now have a nice burn mark on my hand. Did he say sorry? No. "Your hand shouldn't have been there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 760

You deserved it 379

23/08/2012 07:56

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 179

You deserved it 2 788

26/10/2014 00:51

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 997

You deserved it 2 910

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:18

Lesson 2: Brakes.

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:17

Be glad it wasn't on the motorway and it wasn't serious...

Comments

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:14

On the bright side, you're not hoofing it home.

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:41

Those brake lines are part of the success of the trip. Doesn't matter how far you get if you can't finish. Just ask the people who make cakes.

sirpantselot 22

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Monday 8 April 2013 6:25

Or rather, on the bright side, you're no longer in Sydney :D

yoyoforpeace 14

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Monday 8 April 2013 6:26

How do you crash into a drive way?...

thefmlman2011 35

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Friday 19 June 2015 9:01

#69, i like Sydney. mainly because its so culturally friendly.

Dark__Angel66 24

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:16

At least you made it that far without crashing. Hope there wasn't too much damage!

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Sunday 7 April 2013 2:55

It's actually more common to have accidents within 500 meters of your home, than anywhere else. I guess you relax more close to or in the driveway... :)

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:16

Just think, it could be worse....

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:17

Be glad it wasn't on the motorway and it wasn't serious...

perdix 29

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:18

Lesson 2: Brakes.

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:19

10 for the dismount and execution.... 3 for the landing.

Linkerdoodles 15

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:20

Story of my life OP. :l At least you didn't end up a skid mark and scraps of metal wrapped around a tree.

FightMyLiger 19

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Saturday 6 April 2013 23:17

I bet there was a skid mark left somewhere.

CaptainBlack 18

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:24

I actually did a similar thing. Took a 130 mile trip, ended up skidding into a curb within walking distance of my house. At least you didn't need to figure out how to get home without a car!

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:27

Gold star for you! You tried!

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Saturday 6 April 2013 16:29

At least you won't get sued for crashing in your driveway!