Geek: Today, I posted a photo on Facebook showing a side-by-side view...

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook showing a side-by-side view of me before and after I'd tried out my new makeup. My dad commented, "What is this, Gollum cosplaying an Orc?" My mum, brother, and over 20 "friends" liked his comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31500

You deserved it

5514

Favorite

Geek

Season finale

Out of it

Insurance is a scam

By pale-suzie - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45941

You deserved it

4276

Favorite

By StantheMan93 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50936

You deserved it

3569

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38373

You deserved it

4316

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 08:01 - United States

Bigmouth strikes again

Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

690

You deserved it

1056

Favorite

By swee t - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a bill from my former attorney for the call he made to me begging me not to turn him in for stealing all my money and almost causing me lose my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15448

You deserved it

1028

Favorite

By Anonymous

Some people are just lazy

Today, while working, I saw a man napping under a tree. He was still there 3 hours later. Turns out he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4659

You deserved it

305

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 09:32 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Insane parents, part 38765

Today, my mum vented her anger on me by shattering my mouse on the floor, taking my keyboard and nearly ripping out my monitor. At least a spare mouse and the on screen keyboard are better than nothing. This hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

764

You deserved it

Favorite

By SugarCoat

Bastard Bambi busts bumper

Today, I volunteered to go get ice cream if I could use my mother's car. She told me to be VERY careful. Not ten minutes later, I hit a deer, which got up and walked off as though nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3648

You deserved it

605

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70005

You deserved it

4077

Favorite

By nojob - Canada

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50030

You deserved it

4435

Favorite

By I write sins not other people's essays - United States - King George

Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14964

You deserved it

1037

Favorite

By Nicole - United States - Bozeman

Today, a friend came to visit me from across the U.S. We spent the majority of the time she was here standing in the rain, at the dog park 20 miles from my house, so she could "make sure her baby poops on time". Basically, I took time off to watch my friend's dog take 6 craps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11150

You deserved it

887

Favorite

By Samantha35

Today, I was substitute teaching a high school English class. A student discreetly told me that my zipper was open. I tried to zip up, but the zipper got caught on my underwear. When I bent down to pick up my pen, my pants split. Before I turn around, I heard the sound of phones taking pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2504

You deserved it

261

Favorite

By Gbeat411 - United States

Today, I went to boxing and this hot chick asked me if I was wearing a sports cup. I replied yes, when I wasn't. I thought she was going to check with her hand and feel. She checked with her knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9984

You deserved it

71023

Favorite

By Elis - United States

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61525

You deserved it

4767

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5158

You deserved it

2572

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23538

You deserved it

3043

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my car horn got some sort of short and started beeping every 20 seconds or so. On the way to get it fixed, I got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. Behind a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1920

You deserved it

114

Favorite

By lostintdot - Canada - Kitchener

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47861

You deserved it

5133

Favorite

By shadowednavi - United States

Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50021

You deserved it

3831

Favorite

By fml

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39918

You deserved it

6095

Favorite

By bkay26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36573

You deserved it

7515

Favorite

By chelse_elyce - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34653

You deserved it

13253

Favorite

By fired - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was babysitting a four-year-old girl, when I came across a toy that sang the Macarena. For fun, I decided to teach her the dance. When she showed her parents, instead of putting her hands on her backside and turning, she decided to bend over and moon them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26120

You deserved it

3039

Favorite

By Beeky - United States - Helena

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44888

You deserved it

3222

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Newark

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18892

You deserved it

9748

Favorite

By jwolt92 - United States - Bourbonnais

Today, I felt something wet and warm on my arm. I looked down and saw a kid with his mouth attached to my arm. Didn't expect that out of a third grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9530

You deserved it

690

Favorite

By niquey62307 - United States

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24207

You deserved it

5716

Favorite

By Sam - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10028

You deserved it

29440

Favorite

By fistycunt4 - United States - Belmont

Today, I put a picture on Facebook of me without makeup. A "friend" commented: "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied: "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34179

You deserved it

3757

Favorite

By Karlo Kračun - 9/7/2020 08:08

Poor Mr Nibbles

Today, my mom wanted to surprise me by buying me a hamster. When I got into her car, I was actually surprised and even said, "Hi" to the hamster. When we got home, the hamster was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1538

You deserved it

Favorite

By AbsolutelyEffed - United States

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47023

You deserved it

30441

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Wauseon

Today, a police officer stopped me and told me he got an anonymous tip that I was going to kill myself. I wasnt. Protocol says he had to bring me straight to a hospital where I explained that someone was messing with me. nobody listened. Now I have a hospital bill for $2,250. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3568

You deserved it

156

Favorite

By Carrie - 4/12/2020 20:02 - United States - Birmingham

Obsession by Calvin Klein

Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

509

You deserved it

265

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24451

You deserved it

2302

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I had to stop on a long trip to use the restroom at a gas station. Apparently, there was water damage beneath the toilet, because after about two minutes of doing my business, it collapsed about seven inches beneath the floor. Guess who got covered in water, black mold, and poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6815

You deserved it

373

Favorite

By gabess - France

Today, to amuse my girlfriend I put on her sexy nightshirt and go out on the balcony for a smoke, wriggling about in front of her window. She laughs until one of her neighbors shouts "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18833

You deserved it

10417

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29348

You deserved it

4446

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - East Northport

Today, I was unaware that me losing my virginity was also breakup sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33927

You deserved it

3188

Favorite

By cane - United States

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22162

You deserved it

65292

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By JKPwnage | 25

#6148956 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:20

You should unfriend all 20 of them

By Mirorbo | 26

#6148984 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:27

I'll never understand why family thinks it's okay to perform a blow like that.

COMMENTS

By JKPwnage | 25

#6148956 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:20

You should unfriend all 20 of them

jthmtwin | 16

#6149088 - Saturday 20 December 2014 8:23

If OP is really upset by it she should see where her friends and family's humor is, mine would have said the same thing and I would have laughed

Ki11erC | 18

#6150314 - Sunday 21 December 2014 17:48

Parties, you must be fun at them.

By izzybell21 | 16

#6148969 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:23

That sucks op! Maybe he was just kidding?

kaablam | 17

#6148975 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:24

Jokes hurt too.

By AnonPotato | 16

#6148971 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:23

It was a joke. Don't take it harshly.

By eyebrowzzz | 21

#6148972 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:23

now post revenge pics of all of them

Soloman212 | 28

#6149519 - Saturday 20 December 2014 23:12

I don't think OP gets around quite that much, or at least I hope they don't..

By jbombdighetty | 11

#6148973 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:24

that sounds sexy.

IvyOswin | 17

#6149071 - Saturday 20 December 2014 7:32

To each his own then.

By Flowtastic | 16

#6148974 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:24

Haha... That's actually a pretty witty comment.

Don't take it so hard. He's probably just trying to play it down because he wants to be the only man in your life still... Always daddys little girl...

By fallen_dragonkin | 12

#6148979 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:26

unfriend the lot of them. seriously.

Flowtastic | 16

#6148991 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:31

Yeah who wants friends with a sense of humor!

kerstileann | 26

#6149065 - Saturday 20 December 2014 7:23

I know i dont! i want friends to be as humorless and dry as i am! Because i cant take a joke neither shall they!

Astrum14 | 24

#6149185 - Saturday 20 December 2014 12:47

Keep the friends, but unfriend the father. It's fine to laugh at something that's funny, but being a dick isn't acceptable.

By Mirorbo | 26

#6148984 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:27

I'll never understand why family thinks it's okay to perform a blow like that.

By aimzskee | 30

#6148986 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:29

I wouldn't worry Op. I'm sure your friends only liked it cause your dad said it.

By A07 | 48

#6148987 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:29

Dad jokes are evolving.

DropTheDaggerxx | 31

#6148993 - Saturday 20 December 2014 5:33

I don't know if this is an improvement from "Hi, hungry! I'm dad." Can't beat a classic, but seeing as on Facebook, 20+ people can openly appreciate that dad humor makes a pretty strong argument.