Miscellaneous: Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I...

By why they bomb - 09/03/2015 06:01 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 864

You deserved it 7 793

Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Batman

Bodyshaming ain't cool

By Jerf - 24/06/2009 00:56 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 827

You deserved it 9 774

By Anonymous - 02/07/2012 07:23

Today, I had my end of year physics exam. I wasn't sure about some stuff, so I hid my notes and textbook in the bathroom. Halfway through, I got up, went to the bathroom, and as soon as I picked up the book, forgot what I was looking for. I can't even cheat right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 763

You deserved it 53 267

Full house

By ugh. - 21/04/2019 07:00 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, after waiting two months to attend a very important course, I finally got to go. This is the same day I caught a horrible cold, got Auntie Flow’s monthly visit, my IBS flared up, and my acid reflux as well. So here I go, crampy, constipated, congested, and gassy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 126

You deserved it 240

By Lily - 09/06/2012 23:43 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 825

You deserved it 2 246

Weather report

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 02:01

Today, the weather forecast said it would be nice all day, with only a tiny shower in the afternoon, so I went on a 50 km bike ride to enjoy the summer. In reality, it rained pretty much all day, with a little bit of sunshine occasionally in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 146

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 21:59

Today, for my husband's birthday next weekend, I booked a holiday which he was happy about… until I told him it was a surprise family holiday so I'd invited his kids and their families. Now he doesn’t want to go and has made up a fake work emergency. He’s a bus driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 917

By I Have Failed - 02/04/2014 20:10 - Spain - Madrid

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 069

You deserved it 6 582

Damian?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 06:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 107

By snowball - 29/12/2010 23:32 - Switzerland

Today, as I left my house, the front door slammed shut behind me, causing an entire roof-length of snow to slide over the edge and land directly on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 070

You deserved it 5 756

The Great Pretender

By CJune24 - 22/10/2014 21:24 - United Kingdom - Huddersfield

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 406

You deserved it 5 414

By 092492 - 05/03/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 468

You deserved it 3 975

By Anonymous - 06/08/2013 15:19 - United States - Decatur

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 577

You deserved it 15 869

By BMike - 11/07/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I moved into my new house. I went over to my neighbors' house to introduce myself. As they opened the door I saw a telescope pointed at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 504

You deserved it 2 961

By StayedHome89 - 20/12/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, I ran into some friends from high school who had just gotten back from college. We were talking about what happened during our sophomore year. When it was my turn to tell them what I had been doing, all I could say was "Well, I started wearing V-Neck t-shirts and they're pretty comfortable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 696

You deserved it 28 176

By Anonymous - 02/05/2013 12:50 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 417

You deserved it 6 768

By cherbear1000 - 04/09/2013 21:07 - United States - Newville

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 945

You deserved it 8 969

By Jokkim - 20/06/2016 18:24 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I found out I got a 97 on my physics final exam. I was curious about the question I missed, so I went up to my teacher and asked. He was very confused and checked my grade again before telling me, "Oh my bad, it was meant to be a 79." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 298

You deserved it 5 483

Realization

By Eyal - 20/08/2021 17:01 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, after always thinking I wasn't ugly just fat, I've lost 30kg and it now turns out I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 99

By rileycrash - 20/05/2011 02:08 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 656

You deserved it 6 877

By Adopted - 14/06/2016 21:22

Today, my mom realized that the "door" part in "screen door" doesn't block sound when she began to talk to our neighbours about how much of a failure I am. I heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 457

You deserved it 1 183

Suspicious Minds

By Kelly - 29/11/2016 18:57

Today, I discovered that my 17-year-old daughter received several weird deposits from Paypal. I checked her phone to discover that she had changed the password for the first time in years. Fearing drugs, I confronted her. She broke down and confessed to selling rare digital Pokemon on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 720

You deserved it 2 394

By Lara - 08/01/2016 11:28 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 351

You deserved it 8 314

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 22:00

Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 609

You deserved it 328

A load of hot air

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 635

By Norwegian - 02/06/2012 16:55 - Norway

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. I thought it was a good idea at the time, at least until he took her aside for a private chat. During the chat, he told her all about my two previous marriages and advised her to "get out while you can". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 866

You deserved it 7 342

By Anonymous - 12/01/2013 20:12 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 406

You deserved it 5 063

By Paul Williams - 24/06/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, I had my first hockey game after being out with a shoulder injury. I ended up cracking my tail bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 313

You deserved it 4 462

By Toolate - 21/12/2016 12:26

Today, after having gone off the pill a couple of weeks ago, I finally got my old friskiness back only to find part of a condom wrapper in my husband's pocket. Turns out he was impatient and went elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 560

You deserved it 1 320

Ménage à nope

By 3somer - 20/08/2017 04:29

Today, I received a text from the woman with whom my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was like to be with another girl. Now we also get to experience what it's like to have gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 4 817

By Poop - 02/10/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 917

You deserved it 3 193

By Chedder - 26/06/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 926

You deserved it 3 484

By unfriendlyskies - 02/04/2012 23:40 - United States - Central Falls

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 226

You deserved it 2 093

Priorities

By AJM - 22/06/2021 18:01 - United States

Today, the father of my children told me he is having gastric bypass surgery, which is 10,000 dollars. He is 9K behind on child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 155

By Whoops... - 02/09/2018 14:30

Today, my breakfast disagreed with me and I shit myself unexpectedly at the laundromat, right after starting the washer with all of my other pants in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 711

You deserved it 284

By DoctorBreadLegs - 17/07/2019 20:03

Today, I noticed that the roommate application site for college bugged when I first signed up, and my screen name and real name were swapped as a result. Since the site only displays the names of potential roommates and not our own, I've been unknowingly messaging potential roommates as Parakeet19 for about 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 230

By badsister - 10/01/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 129

You deserved it 59 368

By gingerninja - 02/11/2010 17:43 - United Kingdom

Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 392

You deserved it 7 628

By neveragain - 12/02/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 530

You deserved it 4 621

By ihateumicheal - 02/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 416

You deserved it 4 232

By bannana0zoom - 03/03/2012 08:06 - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 927

You deserved it 7 948

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Top comments

Techno101 13

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Monday 9 March 2015 15:54

Maybe he said that because your picture was the bomb

lulinator 40

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Monday 9 March 2015 15:59

That's what you get when you're fishing for a self-esteem boost on social media. Sorry. Be happy with yourself, regardless of what everyone else thinks. Pride comes from within, not from the approval of others.

Techno101 13

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Monday 9 March 2015 15:54

Maybe he said that because your picture was the bomb

octinate 17

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Monday 9 March 2015 16:23

Shouldn't rely on Facebook to boost your self esteem, maybe.

Masift 21

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Monday 9 March 2015 16:26

I actually laughed at that dude that was really funny. XD

derpina72 23

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Monday 9 March 2015 17:24

I have to agree with #22, you really shouldn't rely on Facebook likes for your self esteem, OP. if you liked the picture, that's all that really matters.

JazzHandsFML 28

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Monday 9 March 2015 17:33

I hate selfies regardless, but I imagine duckface n filters all over. I am likely wrong but that's how I PICTURE it!

Techno101 13

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 14:54

Haha thanks dude

PurpleMyth 28

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Monday 9 March 2015 15:54

"Friends..." Sorry OP

NeatNit 32

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Monday 9 March 2015 16:36

when you reach these numbers on Facebook it's obvious that you hardly even know who any of them are. it's a YDI for sure. also, OP, you said 500 hundred... ever heard of RAS Syndrome? it stands for Redundant Acronym Syndrome Syndrome

ekim300 26

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Monday 9 March 2015 16:59

Chill out, it was a joke. Friends make jokes. It just came at a bad moment for OP. As for OP, likes on facebook mean nothing, so don't take it too seriously. Also, don't worry, Saddam Hussein is dead, so he won't be bombing anyone... if that comforts you.

randomname98 22

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Monday 9 March 2015 17:14

Rule #1: don't go to the Internet looking for a self esteem boost

Uglyfeet 23

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 4:20

#27, please accept Rule #2: "crack? Not even once." Edit: and then I read your comment below as #29... complete redemption for you my friend!

glabberfasted 16

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 5:58

27, sounds like you work for the Dept. Of Redundancy Department.

dubco 13

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 15:13

No they didn't? It says "500 friends."

ihartmytdi 23

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Monday 9 March 2015 15:54

I'm sure you're a bombshell, OP

doctorhook86 24

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Monday 9 March 2015 22:38

#3: Like a leftover unexploded dud, lost and forgotten alone in the woods for years until it's accidentally rediscovered as a booby-trap by someone innocent? Yeah, that's probably what you meant.

teapotrevolt 27

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Monday 9 March 2015 15:54

I'm sure you're more beautiful than that person, and these so called friends. Chin up OP, it gets better!

NeatNit 32

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Monday 9 March 2015 16:37

then again being more beautiful than Saddam isn't all that rare.

Eyalsh 32

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 2:56

i believe she was referring to the person posting the photo-comment of saddam hussain. that been said i don't get why she is being down-voted. don't bury my comment, i'd rather have you explain :)

19990231 29

Monday 9 March 2015 15:55

Was someone photobombing it?

HeWillBeLoved105 22

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Monday 9 March 2015 15:55

I don't know why you expected much. Out of those 500 people, probably only 25 of them actually go on.

kitkatjoy_96 28

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Monday 9 March 2015 16:12

Great way to cheer OP up >_

El_Boxeador 14

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Monday 9 March 2015 17:55

@18 I don't get why you expect us to cheer OP up. We didn't get this app for that reason...we got it to laugh or be amuse. Besides, the Internet is not a very good place to look for sympathy or boost of self-esteem!

WOTAN1488 24

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Monday 9 March 2015 15:55

Next take, just take a picture of a pet instead.

Scheffy213 17

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Monday 9 March 2015 15:55

sorry that friends seem to suck at times

SMHsohard 22

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Monday 9 March 2015 20:36

Sorry, 500 anonymous names on FB do not constitute "friends". Even if we give her 20 people she actually knows, that's a shit ton of folks she wouldn't be able to pick out of a crowded room. And she went fishing for a compliment from these mokes?? Sad.

countryb_cth 38

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 8:43

I highly doubt she even knew the person. Having 500 people on your Facebook doesn't mean that when you fish for complements you will get what you want.

haileyrows 26

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Monday 9 March 2015 15:55

Just remember, no matter how cliche it sounds, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you are extremely attractive to plenty of people. Don't let your "friends" get you down