Health: Today, I noticed that I've gained so much weight that even my... - FML

By fat - 12/07/2010 07:52 - United States

Today, I noticed that I've gained so much weight that even my feet have stretch marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 146

You deserved it 50 179

Mama's boy

Dementia or hate? You decide

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By Nakdnathan - 16/09/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 984

You deserved it 3 928

By anonymous - 30/01/2010 00:08 - France

Today, I told my best friend I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years. He thought it would be funny to tell her I was going to propose to her that night. She showed up telling me how much she loves me and that when we get married how great it will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 040

You deserved it 7 075

By garlicbread - 26/11/2009 22:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 550

You deserved it 29 824

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 00:45 - United States

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 459

You deserved it 37 336

Beep Beep Who's Got the Keys to the Jeep

By Loser - 12/08/2017 03:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I lost my keys while at the supermarket. I franticly back-tracked through the store, asking everyone I saw along the way. They eventually showed up, right where I left them... in my unattended car, the engine still running. There was an announcement made over the PA system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 111

You deserved it 3 279

By Anonymous - 04/05/2018 19:00

Today, I managed to electrocute myself on a plug socket while I was showing a group of trainee electricians how not to electrocute themselves while rewiring a plug socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 1 578

By Aphrodite - 23/01/2010 21:13 - France

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 075

You deserved it 7 703

By Anonymous - 15/05/2015 20:58 - United States - Evanston

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 987

You deserved it 2 377

Make it yourself, champ

By Cookyourowndamnfoodasshole! - 27/01/2021 18:30 - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend complaining that I’m lazy since I never cook for him. I stopped cooking for him because he constantly complained that the food was never as good as what his ex-wife made, or like his mom made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 06:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 260

You deserved it 16 323

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 23:51 - United States

Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 645

You deserved it 37 537

By Aether - 03/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 727

You deserved it 7 576

By Juanald - 05/11/2017 05:00

Today, after being moved to three different employer-provided apartments because they all had mold and electrical problems, I requested a bigger bed. The bed they delivered had bedbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 590

You deserved it 362

By pissed out pants - 18/01/2015 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 888

You deserved it 3 891

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 08:25 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 038

You deserved it 7 956

By Timeless - 24/02/2009 05:22 - Canada

Today, I decided to brush up on my flirting skills and ask a guy I thought was kind of cute what time it was. He pointed to the very visible watch on my wrist and said "You should know already". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 179

You deserved it 55 792

By IAmACoolCat - 05/07/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 449

You deserved it 4 935

By killingmyselfimmediately - 07/01/2019 20:00

Today, I had the flu and couldn't go to school. My dad called in and told them that I couldn't be there because I have an itchy anus. Not only that, but my birthday's tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 494

You deserved it 203

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 00:16 - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, my mom called me into the living room to say that she had something important to tell me. She then explained how she and my dad had "talked things over" and wanted me to know that they accept me and love me no matter what. Apparently my mom thinks I'm lesbian. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 067

You deserved it 3 190

By Anonymous - 18/09/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 312

You deserved it 4 422

Life's a beach

By Derek - 28/05/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I went tanning on the beach. I found a nice spot close to shore and laid there with my towel and sunglasses. A few hours later, I awoke to waves splashing at me. My towel was soaked and my sunglasses must have washed off the shore. Damn high tide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 1 070

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 08:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 277

You deserved it 25 271

Put it away

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 22:00

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 926

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 21:15 - Canada - London

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 883

You deserved it 6 952

By wtf bro?! - 07/05/2019 12:00

Today, I got a Facebook message from a guy from my old school. I didn’t remember him, but I replied anyway. When I checked my phone after work, I had 73 new messages that went from, “How have you been?” to, “Fuck you ugly cockteasing whore,” and ended with, “You better hope I don’t catch you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 263

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” Everyone laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 629

By pardon my English :$ - 09/08/2013 22:53 - France

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 427

You deserved it 3 555

By becca1417 - 01/09/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 712

You deserved it 45 212

By Porter_Robinson - 30/04/2013 08:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 351

You deserved it 9 163

By moopymoplady - 29/11/2011 00:44 - Canada

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 221

You deserved it 5 609

By TheDumper - 21/06/2012 10:02 - United States - Chandler

Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 183

You deserved it 29 994

People disprove

By matt - 12/03/2021 08:01

Today, I, a forty year-old man, went to the store with my teenage daughter and infant son. I got some very dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 94

Pants on fire

By Lucille - 07/09/2019 00:01

Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 279

Double crossed

By ??? - 19/07/2020 05:01

Spicy

Today, I found out the best man at my wedding was banging my wife after years of being married. My best man was my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 286

You deserved it 146

By ughh - 22/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 009

You deserved it 5 858

Everyone's A Critic

By hushed - 30/08/2017 15:14 - Canada - Leduc

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 805

You deserved it 236

By V - 23/07/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Beautiful, smart, academic, charming, a true gentlemen, totally my type. I am at a bar voted "the best gay bar in the world". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 782

You deserved it 18 092

By great idea - 11/04/2013 00:40 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 370

You deserved it 3 861

By werewolfoflondon - 03/11/2010 02:16 - Canada

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 531

You deserved it 2 870

By Poordaughter5 - 06/07/2016 17:21 - Germany

Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 091

You deserved it 765

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Top comments

xXbrokenXwingsXx 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 15:56

how is it possible that your feet have stretch marks?

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Monday 12 July 2010 19:43

I'm surprised you can even see your feet :o

Comments

xXbrokenXwingsXx 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 15:56

how is it possible that your feet have stretch marks?

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Monday 12 July 2010 15:59

I had no idea that was possible

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:14

YDI for being fat, get outside and walk or take sone dam yoga!

StopB1tchingYDI 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:26

"USA" tells it all us anercans need to change health wise

ladies_man217 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:48

I think I can give you some pretty good advice here...LOSE WEIGHT

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:59

WTF!?

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Monday 12 July 2010 17:06

"I'm not a fat panda. I'm THE big fat panda." :) buy seriously, that much weight gain's bad.

lonesomeXheartbr 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 17:09

listen to #30. he's a doctor.. I think. is that j.d.?

ladies_man217 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 17:33

36, no it's shia lebouf in transformers

seahorses4eva 4

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Monday 12 July 2010 17:34

*LaBeouf

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Monday 12 July 2010 19:43

I'm surprised you can even see your feet :o

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Monday 12 July 2010 19:49

^^^ ROFLOLOL, win!

Thabb 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 19:56

69, that's really unoriginal.

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Monday 12 July 2010 20:59

Yikes I didn't either.. !

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Monday 12 July 2010 21:00

Haha I knew it @30! Shia is so mineeeee<3

youlikefishstix 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 22:21

ew

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Monday 12 July 2010 22:46

20 you need to change your spelling you moron.

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Monday 12 July 2010 22:52

he fucked up one ONE letter :) chill k?

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Monday 12 July 2010 22:59

@88... Chill dude. @89... It was actually 2 letters, and they failed to capitalize "American", if you want to get technical about it.

CaliSurferGurl 0

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:43

I know this is random but ur cute (:

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 4:32

I bet this is a fake FML so stupid.

black_knight402 0

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 5:59

these would be 1 of the fmls that get taken out of yo mama joke

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 7:28

ur fatttt lmao lose some weight.

you_fail_at_life 0

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 8:58

Stretch marks on your feet? 0_0 Wow. That can't be healthy at all OP.

_Vamp_ 9

Tuesday 13 July 2010 10:04

Ummmm.... I agree, I didn't know that was physically possible. I want to say YDI for letting yourself gain that much weight, but then again, to even gain so much that you have stretch marks on your feet, you have to have some sort of disorder. All hail the mighty thyroid and its shenanigans.

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 12:03

he's an ugly asian IMHO

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 14:47

"anercuns"?! are you STUPID?! and OP: YDI for being a giant lardass. stop stuffing your face and start walking!

deafeningsilence 8

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 18:24

hahahahahaha. Kung Fu Panda FTW :)

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Friday 16 July 2010 5:18

wow fatty

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Sunday 18 July 2010 2:08

ydi for not eating right fatty!

NotInAGoodWay 0

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Wednesday 3 November 2010 15:25

blah!! thats kinda sick!!!://go to the gym hun, get a trainer...

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Sunday 22 July 2012 17:35

Same here

allenrotstein 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 15:57

gym maybe??

livinthefridge13 1

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Monday 13 June 2011 5:40

nahhh

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Friday 5 October 2012 18:45

What languages do u speak, I speak 5

indivisualsoul 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:00

you don't deserve that at all, I really do feel for you

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:37

how does she not deserve it?

duke_nukem_25299 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 19:36

he was being sarcastic dumbass

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 17:46

Sarcasm

Emma Marshall_738558922 12

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 23:22

Maybe they do deserve it. If they are better and exercised it wouldn't happen. And don't give me bullshit about thyroid issues 🤦🏽‍♀️ it's extremely rare.

Emma Marshall_738558922 12

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 23:23

Ate* ffs

R3kli3 10

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:02

is that even posibble at all?

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:03

that sucks. and how would you even attempt to work out in lose weight in your feet? I feel bad for ya, op

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:04

god how fat are you?

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:11

How the heck is that possible?? I'm sorry but I'm not sure if I believe this one. I've seen plenty of "big" people....never seen stretch marks on their FEET....then again...if they ARE "big" would I even be looking at their feet?? Don't sweat it (sorry no pun intended)...just work out & eat healthy if your worried about your appearance. No need to be upset about it. Just do something about it. 

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:15

13 - LMAO! "Whipmarks!!!" Epic!

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:18

#10 hmm called cankles, it's where your ankle and calves meet.

seahorses4eva 4

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Monday 12 July 2010 16:19

Ga-ross. Do somethin about that shit, man.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 12

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 2 395

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 197