Animals: Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked... - FML

By Rizzle - 04/10/2009 07:50 - New Zealand

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 695

You deserved it 45 041

Best teeth in the game

Commando

Public freakout

By ReboundGrl - 23/05/2016 18:44 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 756

You deserved it 1 403

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 12:00

Today, while I was sitting in the living room with my mother, my phone rang. She immediately exclaimed, "I'm not calling you! Why is it going off?" She was serious. My own mother doesn't believe people talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 166

By muffins - 09/08/2014 13:50 - United States - Potomac

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 155

You deserved it 4 538

By Zach - 21/04/2015 02:42 - United States - Lewes

Today, I found out the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out yet is because of my OCD which makes me clean the house every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 977

You deserved it 3 597

By watch_corn_dance - 08/04/2014 02:13 - United States - Pontiac

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 010

You deserved it 3 539

Be prepared

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 19:58

Today, I'm in Ibiza. My period came early and had nothing but face masks to use as sanitary towels. Then, the closest thing to period knickers I could find was in a souvenir shop, which on the arse reads, "What happens in Ibiza belongs in Ibiza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 276

By Electric Eddy - 22/05/2017 00:00

Today, I got up at 2:30 a.m. to catch an early flight home. I was tired and drowsy and took a quick shower to wake me up. Two minutes in, the water turned scalding hot on all settings. I ended up having to rinse my hair with bottles of sparkling water from the hotel minibar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 166

You deserved it 357

By Anonymous - 09/04/2012 22:32 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 536

You deserved it 2 980

By maconda99 - 06/04/2009 03:14 - United States

Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 865

You deserved it 5 157

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 00:20 - United States

Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 431

You deserved it 1 831

By failbaby - 02/06/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 489

You deserved it 24 159

By jasmine - 23/08/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, I found out the hard way, that yes, a condom can break. Also, that sometimes when it does, your boyfriend won't say anything until you start having morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 473

You deserved it 352

Noise annoys

By guiltyschuldig49 - 28/05/2020 14:00

Today, and for months, my upstairs neighbor has been stomping on their floors, hard enough to shake our walls. We thought it was their child, but found out it’s the mother. She took up running, and due to the pandemic, she does it in the living room. She's already been told to stop. Repeatedly. I work 12-hour nights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 117

By stillhungry - 27/06/2015 18:37 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 343

You deserved it 3 947

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 10:46 - United States

Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said, "We are everywhere". I had just gotten what it was referring to and when I greeted them I ended up saying "Hi gays!" instead of the standard "Hi guys". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 961

You deserved it 51 459

420 BLAZE IT BRO!!!

By nurse4life - 18/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Moultrie

Today, a patient at the hospital where I work asked me if he and his son could light up a joint. He was on oxygen, and serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 775

You deserved it 483

Encourage your kids, damn asshats!

By The bassist - 17/05/2021 04:01

Today, months after buying my first bass guitar and taking bass lessons using my own money, I realized that my parents refused to buy me an instrument, claiming that I sucked at it. What actually happened is that they didn't feel like paying for some "teenage bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Spicy

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 831

You deserved it 4 265

By notdrivinganytimesoon - 04/03/2015 02:35 - United States - Richardson

Today, I got pulled over during my driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 197

You deserved it 7 662

By krh14 - 10/02/2015 12:59 - United States - Crofton

Today, my girlfriend was feeling a little down, so I tried to console her. She said she just needed space and I respected that. Then an hour later she was fine, so I asked how she did it. She replied that she talked to her ex for a whole hour. This is a common procedure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 324

You deserved it 5 174

By damn - 04/01/2013 14:08 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had a fight with my boyfriend over a girl he is close to. He later arrived with flowers for what I thought was an apology. He was actually breaking up with me; the flowers were for her, he just didn't want to leave them in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 051

You deserved it 7 306

By sadsadperson - 07/09/2011 08:51 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 827

You deserved it 30 749

By Gina - 02/04/2010 11:33 - Thailand

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 263

You deserved it 9 563

By Peach - 02/03/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 632

You deserved it 2 148

By She totally did not cheat - 15/08/2018 22:00

Spicy

Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my fiancée a necklace she always wanted. She gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 193

You deserved it 239

By FuckSteakNShake - 06/06/2017 16:00

Today, I was fired, all because I asked my manager for help on the line when we were short staffed and he was on his butt in the office. He said it wasn't his job to help us. Apparently, asking your manager for help when you're busy gets you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 861

You deserved it 217

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 05:57 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 947

You deserved it 1 778

By ugh - 05/06/2010 23:49 - Canada

Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 751

You deserved it 3 892

Divorce impending

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 20:01

Today, I got a phone call from my husband in jail. He was detained for statutory rape. The girl was his 15 year-old coworker at McDonald’s. He’s 42. I can’t tell which is worse, the fact that we have a daughter the same age, or that he actually wanted me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 93

By who wants spaghetti - 17/12/2015 03:42 - United States - Oconomowoc

Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 814

You deserved it 1 540

New relations

By Pat - 22/09/2020 04:01 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out my newly-divorced father is now going to marry my girlfriend's mother. Tough situation here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 64

Call the cops

By Matt Steele - 04/02/2021 14:01

Today, after they said being a dad is fun, after saying that you got to do things when you were a kid… Well now, I'm at the lost and found of the city, asking, "Have you seen my kid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 444

By idiot says pussy - 21/01/2014 17:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 278

You deserved it 7 914

By I_Has_A_Fishy - 10/07/2012 19:33 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 617

You deserved it 3 445

Supportive

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent me 5 pictures of his wife in a small bikini, saying, “Guess who doesn’t have your problems?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 390

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 11:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 638

You deserved it 7 220

Pain in the ass

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 92

By lifesucks - 24/02/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 928

You deserved it 50 138

Surprising

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 20:00

Today, my younger sister had some friends over at ours. I was in the shower but was horrified to realize my clothes and towel were gone. Figuring that she took them, I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but one of her friends came up to use the bathroom. She saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 041

You deserved it 296

By JH - 01/07/2010 01:43 - United States

Today, I was making out with my new boyfriend when he pulled away and looked me deeply in the eyes, he smiled and said, "I don't care what anyone else says, I think you're beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 115

You deserved it 17 968

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Top comments

Faithful_Jewel 0

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:12

Actually cat food is eaten by humans (to test it, first of all, and a variety of other reasons I can't think of on a Sunday afternoon), so it's perfectly safe... and half of the time it's better than the processed crap most people put on sandwiches. Now go clean your teeth, otherwise you'll have cat breath. It aint the end of the world!

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:19

Oh well! If it tasted nice it's not really that bad of a FYL. Just watch what you're eating next time.

Comments

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:04

1st

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:43

This FML sounds fishy

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Sunday 4 October 2009 17:51

Win^^

plasticspoons 0

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Sunday 4 October 2009 18:14

Lollers XD

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Sunday 4 October 2009 18:18

LOL ROFL !

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Sunday 4 October 2009 21:18

MEOW!

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Sunday 4 October 2009 22:01

And it would go where ever I would go! Ohh fishy fishy fishy fish! And it would go where ever I would go!

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:34

mmmmmm tasty hope it wasn't too bad

x3lovebites13 0

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Monday 5 October 2009 2:07

Does no one even care what kind of cat food it was? PLEASE TELL xD

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Monday 5 October 2009 2:28

I bet it was Fancy Feast! Have you seen the commercials? Those people know how to make a can of cat food sound delicious.

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Monday 5 October 2009 4:50

That was a purrfect pun.

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Monday 5 October 2009 4:58

Wait, nvm, that wasnt even really a pun. XD

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Sunday 11 April 2010 22:30

same thing tuna/cat food

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Friday 10 December 2010 4:59

jadie, I hate tobreak it to yuh, NOBODY CARES.

Link5794 18

Sunday 7 August 2011 23:44

58 your profile pic is fucked up

KTFO 0

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:05

dumbass

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:09

I once drank a big glass of milk replacer on accident. YUCK!

yehr 0

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Monday 30 November 2009 8:07

wtf is milk replacer?

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:42

It replaces milk - DUHH!!!

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:10

Oh dear God no! You'd better stick your finger down your throat ASAP and visit the hospital, you just ate CAT FOOD!

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:11

at least you and your cat can enjoy the same food :D

Faithful_Jewel 0

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:12

Actually cat food is eaten by humans (to test it, first of all, and a variety of other reasons I can't think of on a Sunday afternoon), so it's perfectly safe... and half of the time it's better than the processed crap most people put on sandwiches. Now go clean your teeth, otherwise you'll have cat breath. It aint the end of the world!

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Sunday 4 October 2009 17:03

No, it is not. There is not a human employee at the factory taste-testing that shit. Also, the standards for cleanliness are far lower than they are for human food, so the OP has probably just ingested incredible amounts of tainted food crawling with massive amounts of bacteria. Finally, the parts that go into cat food are way different. He probably ate tuna lips, tuna assholes and tuna vaginas -- which happen to smell like people.

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Sunday 4 October 2009 18:42

ahahahahah. tuna vaginas. that is hilarious. jesus plexico, why are you so awesome?

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:32

All commercially produced animal food is pasteurized. If Purina kills a couple of dozen pets, it is not good for business, and will most assuredly result in litigation. But, there are no human food-tasters at the pet-food factory.

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:33

@16: Ironically, I find that human vagina's smell like tuna.

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Monday 5 October 2009 2:51

I believe that was the joke. Thanks for ruining it.

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Tuesday 6 April 2010 4:19

y would humans test cat food?

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Friday 25 April 2014 20:33

I'm actually tempted to try cat food now.

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:19

Oh well! If it tasted nice it's not really that bad of a FYL. Just watch what you're eating next time.

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:22

YDI 4 not checking idiot!

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:27

If you like it, you should just keep eating it instead of real tuna. This was a great discovery!

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Monday 15 November 2010 18:23

Those are exactly my thoughts. I make sandwiches out of everything so this is just interesting to read, definitely not an FML tho, :/

ZombieKnickers_fml 8

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Sunday 4 October 2009 16:28

I wouldn't really say FYL, I mean I've ate cat food before, its not that bad and its not dangerous. But it still sucks knowing you've done it. But I don't think YDI, unless there was like a picture of a cat on the tin.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 283