Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet when a dude broke into my stall, screamed, "No time to explain!" and ran out with a toilet paper roll. FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML
Today, I walked into a public toilet and I opened a stall door, only to discover someone who had forgotten to lock the door sitting on the can. Instead of saying "Sorry," I panicked and said, "Nice shoes!" I then had to wait until they left because I was too embarrassed to face them. FML
Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, I was pooping in a public toilet and a kid had walked in on me. I then heard him tell his dad, "It's okay, I didn't see anything, he was fat so his chubby legs hid it." FML
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Top comments
satanic_fml 13
the ****??
skinthesnakes 6
should have been like i plead the 5th and sat there silent as he listens to your shit sounds.
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Comments (214)
mattmalin11 0
I find this entertaining, but I really must complain about the douchebag moderators on this site. On a previous FML, about soccer tryouts, I commented "41st!" attempting to inject humor into the comments while ridiculing the "first" trolls. It was promptly moderated. Maybe because I was actually 43d? I don't know. Anyway, that's my two cents on this subject. Well, technically, it was a different subject, but... Just ignore me, I'm not in the mood to bring my witicisms to the site right now.
LOLbomb 1
Really? I thought every situation was okay for turd-throwing. Especially if you're a monkey.
buddmoney 0
You shit your balls off! Wowsers I shit my ass off often but I lock the door when I do unless I'm over Sandy's on chili night
iislix1ii 19
3.Beware of Bathrooms.
Snickelfritz109 0
Nice Zombieland reference.
iislix1ii 19
Thanks
perdix 31
It would be no use to report him. The IA division of the South Park PD doesn't take official oppression cases very seriously, especially when ball-******** is achieved.
isaac713 0
he walks in on u ******** nd smiles? u should report tht creeper
mylifesucks12345_fml 0
That's not creapy (sarcasticly)
mofo123 0
Dude why didn't u head but him in his balls I mean u had a perfect opportunity, and it serves him right for being a creep
lizeh 0
im sorry but that is by far the funniest story ive heard... sucks that it happened tho i know id be pissed if it happened to me. fyl bro
hellbilly205 17
But what if your not a monkey...