Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML
Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML
Today, I went into the farm where I work. Within the first 30 minutes I slipped on a fresh cow pie and broke my ankle. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML
Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML
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Top comments
dtbomb 3
What a shitty job. lol
SayItNicely 0
Do you happen to work at the same place as the person who asked for a bottle of milk? Then that wouldn't seem so weird...
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Comments (110)
golfingfeen12 0
oh shit!
techweed 12
did you eat da poo-poo?
ChantelRenaeee 0
chil.
ugliness 6
fail reference.....
DaveOnDope 4
I've worn glasses since the age of 8. In my later teen years, they asked if I had thought about contacts. I told them no way! Glasses have protected my eyes so many times! And here you're working with a stomping, biting, hay eating, snot blasting, nasty nosed, burping, ********, farting, critter without safety glasses? Life lesson learned now?
SteelCladAngel 0
lol I either wore my glasses, or when I wore my contacts I'd wear safety goggles iodine in the eyeball sucks :(
SteelCladAngel 0
lol I either wore my glasses, or when I wore my contacts I'd wear safety goggles iodine in the eyeball sucks :(
SteelCladAngel 0
so does sand, shit and piss for that matter... :-/ and the cleaners....
makenna2011 6
wow...because cows don't have feelings or anything
daybowbow 0
Wait just a minute, 41- you're telling me that cows can read FML comments?! AND get offended?! Evolution is wild, man.
daybowbow 0
...this comment switching about is going to be the death of me.
daybowbow 0
And that was supposed to be for 42. GODFUCKING FAIL
FMLsOhilarious 6
That's the FML format if you hadn't noticed. Both the "Today," and the "FML" at the end.
SemSykes 0
i'm pretty sure he knows that... Ever heard of sarcasm?
ugliness 6
I prefer my glasses too, they're my trademark prescription shades XD they hide my tiny eyes (I have no idea how, my parents eyes are alot bigger) I only wore contacts for a month before I just gave up
ChuckNorris141 0
41 no cows don't, there stupid as hell
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
I'm sure there are no cows logging onto Fmylife.com and being offended by 19's comment. So no, they don't have fragile emotions that cause them to open a brand new package of razor blades whenever someone calls them smelly on the interwebs
makenna2011 6
wow someone has issues with animals. did you have a bad experience? the family dog probably prefered eating it's own shit to playing with you when you were little.
Bofferding_fml 6
Hell you are in a good spot to know this aren't ya?
Bofferding_fml 6
Hell you are in a good spot to know this aren't ya?
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Whose ass did you pull that from? I may not have a cow fetish, but I ******* love animals. So please kindly calm down and stfu
vodzman 10
You should have seen it coming....
DaveOnDope 4
No silly, if a cow comes, no problem. A bull though...
RedPillSucks 33
That would have been one happy bull strapped to a milking machine. kid: "Ma. This milk tastes funny" mom: "Damn it Billy!! Did you hook the bull up to the milk machine again?!"
SteelCladAngel 0
it would take a complete dumbass to hook a bull to the milkers bull=penis and testicles underneath cow=udder with teats underneath
sarjenben94 0
you'll be getting pinkeye...FYL. haha
JNor99 0
more like brown eye.
ChantelRenaeee 0
ouch!!!! and ew...
lickerassholes 0
your playing ******** wrong
underguarded 20
I thought you were supposed to milk cows from the side. not the back
cyqt 0
enjoy pinkeye
cherrybitches 6
lol good one