Animals: Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did"...

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 118

You deserved it 52 094

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Self report

By banana12321 - 02/04/2015 04:40 - United States - Fresno

Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 204

You deserved it 30 466

NDA FML

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 16:00 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, a coworker told me something I didn't realize was confidential, until later when my boss called me, saying someone may have shared something confidential with me, and me, not thinking so, said I don't think anyone did. We hung up, they called back and elaborated, and it dawned on me now they think I'm a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 163

Brain fart

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 954

You deserved it 47 290

The betrayal

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 16:01

Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 2 391

Self report

By Anonymous - 25/05/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said, "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 024

You deserved it 5 524

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 10:55 - Australia

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 464

You deserved it 38 049

Keep quiet

By PoorAndabroke - 28/05/2022 22:00

Today, I learned that you shouldn’t announce on social media that you’re leaving on vacation for a week. Your house might get broken into, and all your electronics will be missing. They were kind enough to leave a note saying, “If you can afford a vacation, you can afford to replace all this shit. Have fun!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 392

By Pooperscooper - 20/07/2009 18:45 - France

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 667

You deserved it 6 872

Blame the pooch

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 336

You deserved it 32 285

By Luke - 07/11/2011 14:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that if you are being mugged, never tell your mugger you are going to call the police because he will come back and steal your phone too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 378

You deserved it 36 384

somela 0

Friday 27 November 2009 20:11

YDI and you suck I hope your family puts you up for adoption, so you know how your dog felt

studentwoes 2

Friday 27 November 2009 20:09

Don't you watch TV?? Of course you never confess!

Comments

MylifeasMaddy 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 22:32

Ok, Im the ORIGINAL POSTER. and my ******* god people get a LIFE! this FML is 100% FAKE! losers. and in case you havent clued in so far ALL THESE FMLS ARE FAKE! assholes

Chocolate_Chunk 2

Friday 16 July 2010 16:05

Of course you are.

Sacrilege 0

Friday 16 July 2010 16:59

The original poster? Then why the **** did you just waste you time typing a so-FAKE post, dumbass? Fail at it's lowest.

everest84 3

Wednesday 18 August 2010 4:38

deny everthing

StephWALKER 17

Saturday 11 December 2010 14:22

absolute douche bag. What are nasty thing to do

bcbaby108 2

Friday 1 April 2011 4:29

duh

Mrpher69 0

Friday 27 May 2011 9:14

You ******* bitch!

IvyPalin 7

Wednesday 6 July 2011 6:39

you douche bag why would you give away a dig like that asshole

deviable 9

Wednesday 3 August 2011 8:50

you asshole dick muffin piece of flying donkey shit. how could you do that?? give me one good reason! if someone did that with our dog I'd never speak to them again!!