Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML
Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML
Today, I mistook a coworker’s laughter for choking and performed the Heimlich maneuver on them in the break room. They weren’t choking, but now they’re afraid to laugh near me. FML
Today, I introduced my mom to my friend who performed the Heimlich maneuver on me when I was choking. She proceeded to loudly berate and chew him out, saying that he should have gotten an adult and could have hurt me. Now he won't talk to me and I'm grounded for calling her a cunt. FML
Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML
Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML
Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house teasing her with a pickle. She hates them so I thought it would be funny to pretend to deep throat it. Her dad came in and startled me so bad, I inhaled it. She had to call 911 while he performed the Heimlich maneuver. I’m no longer welcome back. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML
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Top comments
morondon000 14
Well you could do the hymen maneuver... But I'd try saving them first.
jamie_elocin 18
I feel that would make a good pickup line... "Hey baby, I'm trained in CPR. Want me to show you the hymen maneuver?"
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Comments (56)
chosha_fml 27
I guess both can be done from behind.
pharm121 21
Actually, it's just referred to as abdominal thrust now. As the family whom copy wrote the maneuver took back the rights.
GrimReefer66 29
"As my dad used to say, it's all uphill from here"
AndieCandiex 8
I lost anything witty to say to this. Hymen maneuver.
worldclassrager 41
I laughed so hard it probably added a few years on to my life...thank you so much... Honest mistake
MandieL 27
It is actually called abdominal thrusts now as the man that originally invented the maneuver (mr. Heimlich) technically would be allowed to collect money every time they teach the method. So they changed it slightly and changes the name.
haleyrob 8
.
IntoYourIcyBlues 7
You made my day, OP. You made my day.
Cykes 0
Actually, if someone is choking me I would either try to knee them or hit them with my elbows... ;)
wellshht 1
it's actually called the 'abdominal thrust' in the medical field these days ;) (I'm a nurse)