Miscellaneous: Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went...

By Wilhelm - Philippines - Makati

Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML

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15780

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Late term

Freshman blues

By - United States

Today, my cousin got hired after six days of job-hunting. I graduated from university six months ago and haven't even scored a single interview; he's a deadbeat junkie who just got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery. FML

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27779

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2816

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By Lala - United States - Denver

Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML

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22409

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2151

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By ohcrap - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

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49366

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By creepedoutlady - United States

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42450

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3931

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By fuck off you fucking shitburglar - United Kingdom - London

Today, a tailgating idiot rear-ended me at a red light, then had the balls to say it was my fault for "driving too close" to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24692

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1455

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By mynameisnotdrew - United States

Today, after some very passionate sex with my girlfriend, she exclaims "that was amazing Drew..." She quickly tried to turn "Drew" into my actual name which does not sound a thing like Drew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71816

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4082

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By lilrudegirl - France

Today, I found out that after working in the same office for five years, I now work with three of my husband's ex-girlfriends. FML

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35212

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned that the landlord tenant act does not apply since I'm living in the same house as my landlord. She's making my life a living hell and breaking my things. I still have 3 months left in the contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1640

You deserved it

208

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By MrsRODixon - United Kingdom - Pencoed

Today, I received an urgent call from my son's nursery asking me to collect him, saying he was, "lethargic, complaining about being ill and crying". I get there and he's running around, playing and admits he just wanted to come home. They still made me take him home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31721

You deserved it

2810

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By penguins - United States

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27099

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14646

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By Anonymous - United States - Fairfield

Today, two months into my new marketing job, I presented my first webinar live to over 300 people. Half the audience complained about the horrible sound quality, saying all they could hear was a Mickey Mouse squeaky sound. Turns out it wasn't the sound quality, it was my voice. FML

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12304

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994

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I hit a patch of black ice and totaled my car. The car is a month old. For the next 5 years I'll be paying for a car I can't drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31317

You deserved it

8618

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By AAA guy - United States

Today, while on the job I accidentally locked my keys and all of my equipment in the car. I work for the AAA. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31236

You deserved it

5528

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By Lucy - United States - La Mesa

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31428

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5385

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By Confession - Belgium

Get the message

Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML

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12168

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3780

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By jesuschrist - 22/3/2020 00:30

They'll go at night

Today, my daughter asked me why NASA hasn't gone to the sun yet. She's seventeen. FML

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1581

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414

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By TBaggins00 - United States

Today, as I was texting a friend, I was going to warm up some cold pizza. As I got finished with a text I put the pizza in the microwave and set the timer. After the timer ran out, I opened the door and smelled burnt plastic. Turns out phones aren't meant to be in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14213

You deserved it

61533

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 02:02 - United States - Arlington

Always ask for documentation

Today, the guy I met on Tinder texted me about our date tomorrow. He seemed nervous. I come to find out his mom overheard us talking on the phone and wants to meet me. I said OK, that’s not big deal. That’s when he told me that he’s actually 17. I now hate myself because I’m 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1436

You deserved it

205

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By boyishgirl - United States - Anchorage

Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML

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33833

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3067

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By LostSoul

Today, I found out why you never leave wet leather shoes in a van when it's over 90 degrees. FML

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717

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1151

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I actually resorted to checking the newspaper obituaries to see where the deceased were employed, just so I can find a job opening. FML

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40278

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5384

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By Anonymous

Alas, poor Mickey

Today, I'm going to a cocktail event, except my dress is wrinkled and can't be ironed, so I got my steam cleaner from storage. I saw what looked like mold inside the water container. Turns out a mouse had got into the water container, drowned and started to decompose. My apartment now smells like death and my dress is still wrinkled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1255

You deserved it

191

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2020 14:00

How to make a sociopath

Today, I went to my job as an aide for first-grade students. I went home with a swollen face after my student punched me because I was, "making the timer go too fast" and he wanted more iPad time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1615

You deserved it

132

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By thjeltz - Canada

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

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28808

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3047

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By anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

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39708

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By tee - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

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29220

You deserved it

1943

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By Anonymous

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

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10839

You deserved it

4802

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By Anonymous - United States - Baraboo

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

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31505

You deserved it

5508

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By hobbled - United States

Today, from across the parking lot, I saw a woman break into my car and steal my "Handicapped parking" placard. Guess why I couldn't stop her. FML

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38127

You deserved it

1990

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By bitten - United States

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28977

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2762

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By SorryIDontMatchStandardSizes - United States

Today, I received my uniform for culinary school. I'm 5'4" and 110 lbs, and during sizing even an XS uniform swam on me. On the other hand, I need huge shoes for my size 10 feet. Apparently, the school decided to ignore my sizing sheet and simply give me standard medium uniforms and size 8 shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15573

You deserved it

1109

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By mattttbob - Australia

Today, I realised my girlfriend only has sex with me to make me exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18455

You deserved it

35862

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By thedd - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. All my friends showed up at my house already drunk, so I had to be the designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54013

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3865

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By anon - Netherlands - Swalmen

Today, I showed my aunt and mother my tattoo. They both burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15872

You deserved it

34970

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By Username - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41849

You deserved it

3713

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By my eyes!! - 27/5/2020 08:00

Knock next time

Today, I walked in on my husband's elderly parents getting it on. It’s beautiful they still love each other, I just wish they hadn’t decided to express that love on our living room sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1775

You deserved it

157

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47427

You deserved it

7057

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By pikapikafuckyou! - 19/7/2020 08:01

Fucknut

Today, my overly religious fucknut of a cousin called me, ranting about my daughter trying to corrupt hers. They were chatting on a kids' messenger app when my 5-year-old sent her 7-year-old a Pokémon sticker. Apparently, Pokémon in satanic and we ought to know better. Now she won’t let them talk to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1726

You deserved it

145

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By cfails - 2/4/2020 14:00

Our house, in the middle of our lockdown!

Today, I found out the house I want to buy is being re-listed, because I can't have an open house to get people to see and buy my current house, because no one can go out in the this fucking quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1603

You deserved it

174

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By Welp - Romania

Today, I found out that my company used a nice photo of my coworkers and me for their corporate website, in efforts to make their office seem fun and relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't just fired every single person in the photo, myself included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14203

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1090

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Top comments

By UnidentifiedFun | 37

#6589946 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 3:30

He must have been peeing for a long time lol

By awspinks77 | 7

#6589921 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 3:12

Something tells me either the dude was about to piss all over himself, or he was drunk/high, or both. Either way, interesting situation. FYL OP.

COMMENTS

By StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6589919 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 3:10

Have you ever read or seen Goosebumps? I almost wouldn't blame him for doing so. They're some pretty nasty creatures.

mds9986 | 24

#6590039 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 4:45

I remember the class fighting over the goosebumps books during reading time back in grade school. Fun times.

awildwhisper | 30

#6590693 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 22:06

this reminds me more of something SIMS would do hahaha.

By awspinks77 | 7

#6589921 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 3:12

Something tells me either the dude was about to piss all over himself, or he was drunk/high, or both. Either way, interesting situation. FYL OP.

By deathrise007 | 22

#6589923 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 3:16

The man must've been on drugs, drunk, etc. FYL for having to see that and FthatgnomesL for having a man piss on it. :P

By wilsohayden | 2

#6589930 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 3:20

I imagine him waving and saying "howdy neighbor!"

By stingray112 | 24

#6589934 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 3:22

Better than a leak from somewhere I suppose

By UnidentifiedFun | 37

#6589946 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 3:30

He must have been peeing for a long time lol

By 6pointOhhh | 10

#6589955 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 3:40

That was just the Travelocity Gnome showing you how bad your vacation could be by booking through one of those other travel sites!

By meatloaf11 | 23

#6589970 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 3:51

What the hell happened to the "you deserved it" button? What's this "Phew, glad it wasn't me" crap?

By meatloaf11 | 23

#6589981 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 4:01

I have a question FML, what button would I push if I thought this person deserved it? Bring back the "You deserved it" button on every FML!!!

By meatloaf11 | 23

#6589987 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 4:07

BRING BACK THE "YDI" BUTTON ON EVERY FML!!!!!